Trump Monument

Published February 28th, 2017 by Bobby Henderson

Hey everyone — as much as I feel it’s important to keep political views away from our church website, I also recognize that America is incredibly divided at the moment. And I had an idea I hope may heal our nation in some small way.

Specifically this is about Trump’s border wall. I am proposing an alternative project that may satisfy the Left – who are worried about fiscal responsibility, and the Right – who are less interested in factual arguments and more concerned about the message we’re sending to the world. And most of all I hope that this project appeals to President Trump’s aesthetic tastes and his love of grand construction projects.


Letter to President Trump

President Trump: you should build a monument instead of a border wall.

I won’t make the usual arguments against the wall — that border apprehensions are at a 40-year low; that immigrants are not a leading (or growing) cause of crime; that it is technology, not immigrants, taking American jobs. There are countless studies that conclude a border wall will be tremendously expensive and ineffective at its goals.

But I’m sure you understand this.

The wall clearly is about symbolism, about the message it sends to the world. And about you, and what your presidency represents. Here is a wall, you people stay on your side – America is full. The wall is about drawing a line, about Real American values, about American toughness.

But can I suggest to you that your followers may not entirely understand this message? That they may not be attuned to subtle ideas like symbolism? They may be irked after you spend $15 Billion of our tax dollars on a wall that does not improve American lives in any meaningful way, no matter the message it sends.

Let me next appeal to your sense of aesthetics. You’ve spent your life building magnificent buildings, beautiful golf courses, resorts and so on. The Wall will be ugly and plain, the money must be spread across too many hundreds of miles to be spectacular in any given spot. No one will want to come to look at it, no one will be impressed with it’s grandeur. Do you want that to be your legacy?

So I propose you announce a different project — a grand, glittering monument — one that promotes the idea of American Toughness, and which – I think economists will back me up – is a better use of our tax dollars.

Rather than describe the monument in words, I’ve commissioned an architectural concept drawing of the monument:


You’ll notice they’re gold. I did the math* and for a set of testicles roughly 30 feet tall, you can safely budget $10 Billion to gold plate the balls at a thickness of over an inch and still come out under what your border wall is estimated to cost.

And unlike a wall, here you’ll have a monument that people can come and admire in all its glory. Here is the literal symbol of virility and masculine toughness and all things alpha-male. Your followers are unlikely to miss the message.

Plus, this monument is a safe investment — if things don’t work out, the gold can be reclaimed. Unlike a border wall, the money spent gold plating a massive set of testicles is not a wasteful use of taxpayer money.

Thank you for your time. Please let me know if I can help with more details and so on (I have some ideas on replacing Obamacare also).

-Bobby Henderson, Concerned citizen and taxpayer


* The math:

A set of balls 10 meters tall has a volume of approximately 697 cubic meters, with a surface area approximately 412 square meters.

At the current spot price of gold at $1256 per Ounce, $10 Billion will purchase 247,635 Kilograms of gold.

With a density of 19320 kilograms per cubic meter, that pile of gold has a volume of approximately 12.81 cubic meters.

That volume, divided by surface area of 412 square meters gives us a gold plating depth of approximately 3.1 CM or 1.2″.

Concept drawing by my artist friend Avelino

150 Responses to “Trump Monument”

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  1. Joe Bob says:

    i just styumbled upon this website and i want to convert to this religion
    the flying spahgetti monster has entranced me with its noodly appendages and for that I am forever indebted to it.
    Please, TheRealPastafarian, help to become real like you.
    sincerely, Joe Bob

  2. Jannelle says:

    I iseth a Pastafarian and I AM A REAL ONE. I an’it no sinenr! TheRealPastafarian an’it no real one!

  3. Sarah says:

    But balls aren’t even tough. They are very fragile. Shouldn’t it be a vagina?

    • Keith says:

      Trump has a very fragile ego. It may be immensely large but it is still fragile. I think the balls are a good idea.

      • basicdesign says:

        I think a dickhead would be more appropriate, read ‘accurate’.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Sarah, would there be an entrance fee? It would make a great water slide with a dramatic exit. Much more fun.

  4. basicdesign says:

    “gold plate the balls at a thickness of over an inch”. Ok, but then there’s smthng amiss in the drawing: the circle of tanks, doubled with quite a few circles of armed dudes, also trenches, barbed wires, watchtowers, possibly some combat planes, a.s.o. Else the monument will be defiled/robbed – esp. with mexicans right next to it of course, it’s well known worldwide that there there are no poor americans.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Replace the gold with cocain, and that scenario is little different to the current situation.

      • NOT SURE OF A NAME says:

        I think cocaine bight be a bit overdoing it. 🤨

    • basicdesign says:

      According to this: https://www.businessinsider.com.au/9-substances-more-valuable-than-gold-2011-7#cocaine-1, cocaine is more expensive than gold (and rhino horn is even more expensive but then that’s a doomed item & finite resource & shouldn’t even be contemplated as a resource anyway). Still, if you do coat that horror with coke, you’ll need more rings of tanks, armed dudes a.s.o. That’ll soon end up much more expensive than a wall.
      Hell, even plain iron wld have to be guarded lest it’s nicked for scrap. That thing is quite heavy, would bring in a bit of xtra cash to make ends meet.

      Apart from that I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t think that that wall is one of the stupidest ideas of all times. Also brings out a lot of resentment about money wasted. If it is so out of U.S.A., am wondering what it’s like in U.S. about it…

    • basicdesign says:

      It does remind one of something dumb enough to have been invented by Homer Simpson.
      Mind, what’s to be expected from one called Donald.

    • basicdesign says:

      If Trump wants to prove he’s got balls, he’d have better results declassifying documents older than, say 1956 as he can hardly be held responsible for anything that happened before he was 10 y.o.. Although he doesn’t look like the responsible type anyway, and even less like an honest dude. Too many flonflons, smoke and mirrors.

      • Keith says:

        In addition to “declassifying” his tax returns, Trump should produce his birth certificate to show that he was born on Earth.

        • basicdesign says:

          what’s the point, it’ll obviously be a false one. Same as for the tax returns.

        • Keith says:

          Well, Trump is a godsend to David Icke. If anyone qualifies as a reptiloid alien it is Trump.

        • basicdesign says:

          Funny you’d say that. Yesterday I spent ~5 mn looking at the Trump’s pic that’s in the wkpdia article. I thought the mouth decidedly looks like that of a snake. And the eyes ain’t far off it either. It’s the nose that’s deceiving, I don’t know of any snake that’s got such a fat nose.
          I didn’t know of David Icke and his say. Interesting personage. Good for him to have sent the lot to the brambles.

        • Keith says:

          The nose, like his hair, is false. It is the one that Michael Jackson rejected.

        • NOT SURE OF A NAME says:

          He probably wasn’t

        • basicdesign says:

          Keith : What, you mean Trump underwent cosmetic surgery just to get that particular nose? Gosh. That definitely calls for alien thinking.

        • Keith says:

          basicdesign: undoubtedly. I’m thinking of rewatching “Men in Black” (the films and the cartoon series) to see if he makes an appearance in any of them: with or without the nose.

  5. Idith says:

    So funny. re posting at פיתוח אפליקציות לאייפון

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