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Cashed Wednesday

Published February 11th, 2016 by Bobby Henderson

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Hello Bobby,
My name is Paul. I’m a practicing minister and proud of it. Recently a few of my disciples and I received a revelation for a new holiday, and we just finished celebrating it successfully. The holiday happens to coincide with the traditional catholic holiday of Ash Wednesday, however the FSM revealed to me through my friend Harprett the true name of the day: Cashed Wednesday. My followers and I proceeded to indeed Cash a few packs of bud, being “of age in an area of the world where it is legal to do so.” I found it prudent to inform you of this revelation.
May you be Touched,
Paul Redling
Minister

Maybe he’s on to something?



73 Responses to “Cashed Wednesday”

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  1. Rasputin says:

    Yaarrgghh, welcome Reverend Paul! May all thine wenches be saucy!

  2. Cap'n Bucatini says:

    I thought it was called ‘Ass Wednesday’, named after the day early humans held their annual ass-fighting competition. (See the Gospel, p. 24).

  3. Keith says:

    OK Fellow Pastafarians. Time for another random recipe. This one is from the “Encyclopaedia of Home Made Wines” (Mary Aylett, Odhams Press, 1957)

    Beetroot Beer:
    Scrub and cut into pieces four pounds of beetroots and put into twelve quarts of water, with two ounces of dried hops. Boil together for an hour, then add two tablespoons of malt extract, two pounds of sugar and a trace of ginger. Boil for another ten minutes, then strain into a cask and when it is lukewarm, crumble in some yeast. Let it stand for two days, closely covered, then strain into strong beer bottles. Ready for use in a week.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Beets?…….beet-beer?……. it sounds somewhat….. uh….. intriguing. I suppose you could always wash it down with some yummy brussels sprouts wine. Have you tried this one? Has anyone tried it, or is it a test to see if someone would actually make it? ….and then drink it.

      I am still wanting to try out two of your other recipes on p. 29 of “this is a real religion?”. The “White garlic sauce” and the “Ricotta and herb ravioli” look absolutely scrumptious. Have you or any other pirates tried them?

      • Keith says:

        Dear The Sauceror: I haven’t made beet beer, although my mother made lot of home made wines when I was a kid: One of them was carrot whiskey which we were only allowed to swill around the mouth for toothache. It had a very numbing effect. Another one was Elderflower wine. Most of the wines my mother made (as I found out as an adult) could have saved NASA a great deal of money. I have tried the white garlic sauce and it turned out very well. I have made mead, thistle beer and hydromel ( a sort of honey beer). I publish these recipes in the hope someone will try them in a spirit of adventure. That is the reason I publish old recipes .

        • Keith says:

          Sorry, that should have bee nettle beer. It used young stinging nettles.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          …. I make mead and sake. The key is not subjecting the yeast to excessive sugar. For instance, for mead, I use 10% honey to start, then, after a week add another 10%, followed, a month later by another 10%. Trying to brew 30% honey all-at-once would simply kill the yeast. Obviously, it has a very high alcohol content, 20%, and keeps well.
          Sake is great fun, because it starts with cultivating Koji fungus on steamed rice. Again, it’s a slow-feed system, that ends up at 20% alcohol. I don’t bother with air traps, just screw tops that are slightly cracked open, that vent under pressure.
          Thinking about it, sake could probably be made from al-dente pasta and the Koji fungus.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Don’t try brews without knowledge of essential ingredients, such as lemon juice in mead; and a yeast starter for sake that takes two weeks in a fridge and includes a half teaspoon each of live yoghurt and Thrive fertiliser.

  4. Rasputin says:

    I was too late to give my pancake recipe this year. I’ll do it next year instead.

    • Keith says:

      I’m sure it will be welcome. I wish our drive by abusers would post recipes instead of abuse.

  5. Grizzly Ogre says:

    Recipe for pastafarian communional spirit

    5kg sugar
    200g tomato paste
    Quarter teaspoon citric acid
    80g bakers yeast (pitched after other ingredients dissolved at approximately 30C)

    Mix ingredient with 25 litres of water, sealed in a container with an air lock
    Leave for 3 weeks for the “brew” to draw noodly goodness

    Run through a T500 or some other water purifier type device (do this in NZ where it’s legal to do so!) – best done while wearing an eye patch, having a talking parrot handy to converse with through this process will create an exrta holy batch to be consumed through the holiday period

    Now the important bit
    Soak oak chips in the purified clear spirit for 14 days
    Then filter spirit and wood chips through a pirate bandana resting in a pasta colander

    To be drunk on Fridays, (or other days if you feel you need it) with friendly people of any religious denomination (or lack there of)

    • Keith says:

      I’m assuming that the purified clear spirit is already holy and that the oak chips are symbolic of the firewood used to boil his/her/its noodliness.

      • Rasputin says:

        Yaarrgghhh! ’tis a holy revelation!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I have distilled 50 litre batches of apple wine. I don’t know what the T500 is, but, my advice is that a still MUST have a fractionating column (simple, lots of designs) on the top of it, and, the first fraction (methanol) thrown away. Oak chips and charcoal do an excellent job of removing the so-called fusel oils: foul-tasting esters.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        …. for those without a still, don’t overlook the fractional freezing method. All that’s needed is a deep-freezer, some basic equipment and instructions. Even without brewing, the cheapest cask wines can be turned into brandy. For best results, don’t omit Grizzly Ogre’s oak chip purification process.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Cap’n, presuming that someone (not saying who) had access to unlimited amounts of pears and plums, do you think the same practices could be applied to plum or pear brandy, or the combination of the two? I’m familiar with the freeze method, but fire makes me nervous– I’m pretty sure fire is magic.

          ……oh, yeah, I live in a place where all such practices are legal, as long as no one gets hurt.

        • Keith says:

          That’s how you produce Applejack isn’t it?

  6. Captain Birdseye says:

    The Sauceror, absolutely! Pears can be too hard, but, if they are ‘bletted’ (slightly rotted) they pulp easily in a half-full bucket with a length of 2X4 with just enough water to cover. Ferment the pulp; don’t strain it; no need to add yeast – the right strain will already be on the fruit. To minimise mould, methanol and fusel oils, keep the yeast ‘happy’ = sour juice (as per sour cherries) and cool ferment (18C).
    Don’t try to get maximum strength alcohol from a single de-frost; aim for say a 50% reduction, repeating two or three times. I find it best to thaw/drain slowly in a broken freezer, until I get the 50%. Soak final spirit over charcoal to purify.
    Unlike distillation, the fruit’s minerals will of course be in the liquid fraction; if excessive, try another freeze or, balance with sugar to make a liqueur.
    I would keep the fruit separate. Try a test half-bucket.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      …. if you want to add sugar, buy inverted sugar or ‘invert’ it yourself. This is no more complex than boiling sugar syrup with a spoonfull of tartaric acid, which cracks the sucrose into glucose and fructose.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      The Sauceror…. Thanks Keith, I read-up on the traditional American way. They stood barrels of cider outside at the start of winter and kept removing the ice from the top, as the weather got progressively colder, until only a quarter remained. The modern equivalent may be to use a freezer, starting at say -2C and then reduce by one or two degrees every day, after removing the ice.
      Obviously, using this method, the original pear brew will need to be filtered first. Without a press, I would freeze it solid, place the block upside down in a wet pillow case and thaw it over a bucket.

  7. Captain Birdseye says:

    The Sauceror, Do you use magic fire to cook? Or, is it all Palaeolithic?

  8. Keith says:

    My mother’s method of brewing was to let everything stew in a plastic bowl in the bathroom (not in the bath, I hasten to add). The yeast was floated on a piece of toast and the whole thing was covered with a cloth. There was non of the business about checking temperatures or subjecting everything to laboratory tests. It worked for her and it has worked for me in the past.

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