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Australian Driver’s License

Published February 16th, 2016 by Bobby Henderson

Good news — Sue from Melbourne was allowed a Colander in her Driver’s License photo, after a fight. Well done.

As always, we take this as implicit government acknowledgement of our legitimacy.

ausID



222 Responses to “Australian Driver’s License”

  1. EXCELSIOR says:

    Bane
    You’re right, I don’t know who I am dealing with. Why don’t you introduce yourself to us, I already consider you as an old friend, but know very little about you. I would have great respect for you if you were a Jew. That’s because more than half the world’s population worships the Jewish God, the “God of Abraham” that he calls himself and theMuslims call him by his nick-name “Allah”. The Christians worship 2 Jews and a spook. Jesus was a Jew so his father must have been a Jew too. Who do you worship? Yourself? Why not worship the FSM and have some fun?

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I think it’s about time to report this thing. Internet Police can retrieve everything it has ever posted. Many countries jail trolls, exactly as if they had intruded into a coffee shop and called complete strangers a c**t. Obviously, judges order psychiatric reports on people who do such things.
      Any guesses on its specification? For example: female, home-schooled, Primitive Baptist etc. Hobbies: wearing a placard, ‘I Know The Truth’, whilst insulting passers-by.

      • The Sauceror says:

        You could be talking about Donald T-rump.

    • Rasputin says:

      I like c*nts.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        Well said, Grigori Yefimovich. I approve of пизда, which is sort of the same thing.

  2. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Dear Bane, To me, your his-‘story’ reads: Humiliation. Were you raised on a steady diet of vicious scorn? Your posts are aggressively telling, and really very sad. Yup, I’m setting myself up here for foul abuse, I know, but that won’t bother me at all. What upsets me is how miserable you must feel, day in, day out. Sheesh, crack a joke or two for a change, yes? Then we can laugh WITH you, not. AT you.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      As always, St. G., your temperate posts shine to your personal everlasting credit and as an example to the Congregation, others of which, BTW, seem to have risen as well to our Visitation.

      • The Pastologist says:

        No need to leave the planet – His NoodlyGoodness is all around – chill out, have a beer and may your meatballs always be tender. (Now there’s an opening for you :)
        SG, AF, R & E – I am inspired by your verbal restraint.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Funny.

  3. Rasputin says:

    Thankyou, Pastologist.
    In the original “Star Trek” series, one episode had a story about an invisible entity causing friction between the humans and some Klingons on board the Enterprise. The creature was feeding off their hatred. Eventually Scotty, Spock, McCoy and Kirk fed laughing gas into the life-support system. As a result, the anger went away. The obnoxious vermin left the Enterprise forever.
    Bane has a filthy and negative mind. He has anger issues. We could speculate that Bane has a minute penis, or that he was sexually abused by his father as a child. In truth we don’t know. For whatever reason, this angry nobody has discovered a thing called a computer and can type insults with one finger.
    We’re greater than Bane. He reveals his stupidity every time he visits this site. It’s like he’s walking around with a sign on his head, saying, “I’m a nasty childish scumbag”.
    Bane has succeeded. We recognise him for what he is.
    If that’s his intention, he’s succeeded.
    Our anger is misplaced. Pity him instead.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Rasputin, I will carry nitrous oxide in future. I read that many fundamentalist Christians get-off on inciting anger to obtain the experience of defending themselves. Some nasty Calvinist groups reckon they have the god-sent work of tormenting those pre-destined for Hell.
      Why bother with pity?

    • The Pastologist says:

      Dear Bane,
      Perhaps Rasputin was using minute as a measurement of time, i.e. duration of tumescence. If so I suggest you seek medical help, I would suggest that you do that anyway.
      Keep working on those meatballs.

      • Jesus' Little Soldier says:

        Bane, thicko, people can use whatever context they like, fuckwit, and use alternative meanings, scum-bag.
        Are you short of words? Cretin. Are you Christian, whatever that is? Dimwit.
        You have contributed NOTHING but childish tantrums, twat, and an insight into the poverty of your mind, idiot. You can’t even define ‘what is God?. Piss-poor performance all round.

    • The Pastologist says:

      Happily Hetero, not that it is any business of yours.

      But I am serious about the medical help – check out the link below, It might do you some good

      http://www.aaamp.org

    • Rev. Chamberlain says:

      Rasputin, I like your Star Trek reference. It puts me in mind of another episode, Errand of Mercy. The Organians grew tired of the fighting and hatred between the Federation and the Klingons, and Ayelborne observes, “The mere presence of beings like yourselves is intensely painful to us.” I feel the same way about Bane.

    • Jesus' Little Soldier says:

      Bane, you idiot, they’re imitating you and you’re too stupid to realise. My parrot also insults its mirror, but, it has an excuse.

      • The Pastologist says:

        Dear JLS,
        If Bane and your parrot were to play Scrabble, I’d put money on the parrot to win

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear Jesus’ Little Soldier, Welcome!
        My parrot loves eating spaghetti.

  4. Extra Garlic says:

    I have been spending the last while catching up on all the conversations. It has been entertaining as usual. I have no idea what planet bane has come from but they probably don’t want him either.
    Bane
    You have been sitting in your basement cave insulting and threatening everyone. You are just another hypocrite fundie cretin. You keep threatening the end, well BRING IT ON! What is it going to be? The return of the “messiah”? Oh, I am so scared. The last time he supposedly showed up all he did was wreck his daddy’s own churches and got stuck on a pole like a Jewish fudgesicle for his trouble. Scary. The best part is, the Jews think he was a charlatan anyhow and are still waiting for the real dude. And you think we have an imaginary god. Yeesh, I think you better worry about the holes in your own story before you start attacking ours.
    Are you going to threaten us with lightning and hordes of locusts? Good luck. It is still snowing and the poor little bastards will freeze their wings off. Oh, maybe you are going to threaten me with sudden death and dismemberment. I am a pirate, a little icebound mind you, and that stuff is part of the deal. There is a nice chair waiting for me by the stage near the beer volcano so I have no worries.
    You want me to repent and follow your gob. Tough darts bub. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, may his sauce be ever full of mushrooms, is a gentle happy being. There is no hate, no malice, no desire for domination over others. Just good times and happy thoughts. Why would I want to follow your dream slayer with all his negative vibes and hate? chill dude. If you don’t like what we are all about then just switch back to the news and watch all the death and destruction your divine bog roll is having his followers create today. We are just going to sit back, have another beer, a little pasta in honour of our Mighty, although slightly drunk, Flying Spaghetti Monster and think about how big a motor we can fit in our 4 wheel drive colander.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Extra Garlic, Welcome Back! And thankyou.

      • Jesus is the one true GOD says:

        DEAR EXTRA GARLIC,

        You BUTTHOLE…
        listen up BUDDY… don’t go making fun of my beliefs… we CHRISTIANS don’t insult yours. So, LEAVE US ALONE! So, what you belive in a stupid pasta. I would eat you and your pasta for breakfast

        • Fat Bastard says:

          Jesus is… etc, don’t go insulting my beliefs by suggesting that The FSM is not the one true god. Even your name is heresy. I must note that wickedly torturing non-beievers is not an insult. You will have terminal problems eating me instead of your kebab.

        • RasEXCELSIOR says:

          Dear Jesus,
          When you say you’re going to eat Pasta (our God) you think that you are making fun of our beliefs. Not so, it’s the same as when you take communion and you eat Jesus’s flesh and drink his blood! Every time you eat Pasta you are paying homage to our dear FSM! Glory to the FSM! Ramen! Ramen!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          FRIDAY SERMON: EVIDENCE
          You prayed for a new car. Did it fail to arrive?
          You prayed for sick people to get better. Did they deteriorate?
          You want peace on Earth. Does your god condone genocide?
          You believe you have been given dominion over the World. Have you failed to rule the World?
          You attempted to sacrifice your son to your god. Are you in jail?
          You had faith that the Sodomites had been destroyed. Were you pleasantly surprised?
          People have suggested that you are deluded. Do you check this opinion only with your pastor?
          If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you believe in the imaginary, Christian, god.

    • Jesus is the one true GOD says:

      DEAR EXTRA GARLIC,

      You BUTTHOLE…
      listen up BUDDY… don’t go making fun of my beliefs… we CHRISTIANS don’t insult yours. So, LEAVE US ALONE!

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        Actually, in my experience, many christians insult other religions all the time. Most have a live-and-let-live approach, but a significant number think that we should all bow down to their way of life. This is evidenced by the number of stupid laws affecting women’s rights to control their own bodies, laws that criminalise sexual activities considered sinful, discriminatory marriage laws, the list goes on.

        If nothing else, a belief so fundamentally stupid as believing a bearded man in a cloud created everything and is going to condemn us to eternal suffering for exercising the free will with which he supposedly endowed us deserves ridicule.

        • Rasputin says:

          Well said, SKM.

        • Sorry... Me from before says:

          Ok ur right… I’m so sorry

  5. Saint Gnocchi says:

    HA. So, now I expect you guys think I’m a softy, wussy female Piratess, eh? WRONG! Should I, in future, see Bane’s 4-Wheel Drive colander parked at the supermarket, I’m gonna kick his tyres! HA!

    I might even commit tyre violence on Wednesdays: en route to my knitting group, I could punch holes into ’em with my needles, whilst shouting “Aarrrggghhhh, Yarrrgh, Long Live The Flying Spaghetti Monster!”

    • The Pastologist says:

      Dear SG,
      I never doubted the blackness of your piratical heart. Can I suggest the use of crochet needles to remove the innards from tyre valves?

      • Phat Bastard says:

        Crochet needles can also be used to remove the innards from marauders.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear St. G., only an idiot would be dumb enough to mess with you. If they tried, you would teach them a thing or two.

      …..even if it’s how to knit stockings for the baby FSM’s noodly appendages.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Leaving so soon? We hardly even got to know you.

      • Keith says:

        Not in the biblical sense, anyway.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I think Bane is on a special mission from Allah. He can’t be Christian, he keeps using the forbidden ‘fool’ word.

  6. Rasputin says:

    Goodbye, Bane.
    Keith – I love it! “Not in the biblical sense”. Ha!

  7. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Dear Dave, FSM loves pirates. He loves swashbuckling types who can cut trolls down to size. Do you have the meatballs for Him? If, so, WELCOME! and as sure as noodles he will love you and bless you with fetttucini, pasta Alfredo and miscellanneous sauces.

    P.S. IF you are a recent troll in disguise, I’m so pleased to see you have turned over a new leaf of lasagne.

  8. Rasputin says:

    Dear Dave, this is how.
    Eat a plate of delicious pasta, coated with your favourite sauce. Wash it down with a jug of ale. Feel the FSM embracing your stomach and your intestines. Enjoy the nutrition as it energises you and empowers you to perform your daily tasks.
    Pass on His love to others whom you encounter.
    The world’s most difficult problems would be solved if everyone had full bellies, and could chill out with a beer.
    Afterwards dress as a pirate, shout “Yaarrgghhh!” and expose your genitals. (Caution: Only among consenting adults.)

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