Please do not delude yourself

Published November 11th, 2015 by Bobby Henderson

Been a while since I posted one of these, but this one irked me.

Please do not delude yourself that people of real faith are not interested themselves in where you and the other FSM assholes live, and where your loved ones attend school, or work etcetera….

I am not making any threats of any kind, as I am a non-violent Christian.

However, all of the people with my beliefs are not so willing to tolerate your silliness.

My advice is to shut down this pathetic folly, before people far less tolerant of your mockery of their spirituality take an active interest in your membership on a very personal level…

Kevin B

Not sure if that’s a threat or general douchery. It’s weird that people can send such vile messages and assume (hope?) that we won’t publish their identities. I don’t have much interest in publicly shaming, but it’s tempting. You get a C for effort, Kevin. Next time leave an anonymous note or something on my car.

But I think we should give this guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s having a rough day, not not-so-subtly threatening us. I think Kevin needs the FSM in his life.



2,702 Responses to “Please do not delude yourself”

  1. Felicia says:

    Hello,
    I greatly appreciate all of the information you put online and how you explain the FSM. However, as an avid supporter of this, I do not believe everything in this site is accurate, I have read the bible multiple times in this past month alone and most of your information is false, please rethink what you post.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Felicia, perhaps you don’t know that the Bible is a collection of plagiarised Bronze Age myths that has doubled in size due to fabricated additions, changes, forgeries and intentional miss-translations, all intended to make money and control credulous people.
      You are probably the only person, ever, who has ‘read it multiple times in a month’. Please rethink what you post.

    • John the ordained one says:

      Dear felicia
      I have spent my life in and out of the laboratory and I can tell you with 100% certainty the stories in your bible don’t pass even tests a grade two child could perform let alone with the
      Tens of millions of dollars in equipment my colleagues and I use to carbon date and therefore
      age this planet and what we find soon it, but since finding a quarter under my pillow I can
      also state with certainty that the tooth fairy is real as is Santa claus mrs.santa claus bull winkle and rocky the priest at my church is a homosexual pedophile as was his replacement and now that I’m older I now know that the catholic church is run by pedophiles who use their fairytales to enrich themselves and silence the millions of boys who they have molested for the last couple of thousand years now come join us and you’ll be free R’amen

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        John, I always found a dollar under my pillow, so, I can state with four times the certainty that the Tooth Fairy exists and that someone was stealing from you.

        • A.B.S. Tracy the Foolhardy says:

          I have long suspected that my parents were not fans of the Tooth Fairy, likely due to suspicions of where he came about his moneys. It was for this reason I suspect, that he was kept from our home, whereby my tooth would remain and no money was to be found in its stead. Argh….

        • Ash says:

          it’s been years since i’ve found money under my pillow, does the tooth fairy not like me?

        • Brother Brian Davis says:

          Does finding dollars left on top of the pillow by a toothless fairy count?

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      I would hold more credence in the Bible if it had a single fact not commonly known to the average person living in the Middle East 2,000 years ago. You know, like the orbit of the earth around the sun, the nature of stars or atoms, or the existence of 4 other continents.

      • Paulo says:

        from http://reason.landmarkbiblebaptist.net/BibleScience.html

        COSMOLOGY & ASTRONOMY:

        1. The earth free-floats in space, affected only by gravity. While other sources declared the earth sat on the back of an elephant or turtle, or was held up by Atlas, the Bible alone states what we now know to be true.

        Job 26:7: He stretcheth out the north over the empty place, and hangeth the earth upon nothing.

        2. The earth is an orb or sphere. At a time when many thought the earth was flat, the Bible told us that the earth is spherical.

        Isaiah 40:22: It is He that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in.

        Webster’s 1828 Dictionary’s definition of CIRCLE. “In popular use, the line that comprehends the figure, the plane or surface comprehended, and the whole body or solid matter of a round substance, are denominated a circle; a ring; an orb; the earth.”

        3. Scripture assumes a revolving (spherical) earth. Jesus said that at His return some would be asleep at night while others would be working at day time activities in the field. This is a clear indication of a revolving earth, with day and night occurring simultaneously.

        Luke 17:34-36: I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left. Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

        4. Black holes and dark matter anticipated. Cosmologists now speculate that over 98% of the known universe is comprised of dark matter, with dark energy and black holes. A black hole’s gravitational field is so strong that nothing, not even light, escapes. Beyond the expanding universe there is no measured radiation and therefore only outer darkness exists. These theories paint a seemingly accurate description of what the Bible calls “outer darkness” or “the blackness of darkness forever.”

        Matthew 25:30: And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

        Jude 13: Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.

        5. Incalculable number of stars. At a time when less than 5,000 stars were visible to the human eye, God stated that the stars of heaven were innumerable. Not until the 17th century did Galileo glimpse the immensity of our universe with his new telescope. Today, astronomers estimate that there are ten thousand billion trillion stars – a 1 followed by 25 zeros! Yet, as the Bible states, scientists admit this number may be woefully inadequate.

        Jeremiah 33:22: As the host of heaven cannot be numbered, neither the sand of the sea measured: so will I multiply the seed of David my servant, and the Levites that minister unto me.

        6. The number of stars, though vast, are finite. Although man is unable to calculate the exact number of stars, we now know their number is finite. Of course God knew this all along.

        Isaiah 40:26: Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

        7. The Bible compares the number of stars with the number of grains of sand on the seashore. Amazingly, gross estimates of the number of sand grains are comparable to the estimated number of stars in the universe.

        Genesis 22:17: That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies.

        8. The universe is expanding. Repeatedly God declares that He stretches out the heavens. During the early 20th century, most scientists (including Einstein) believed the universe was static. Others believed it should have collapsed due to gravity. Then in 1929, astronomer Edwin Hubble showed that distant galaxies were receding from the earth, and the further away they were, the faster they were moving. This discovery revolutionized the field of astronomy. Eisntein admitted his mistake, and today most astronomers agree with what the Creator told us millennia ago – the universe is expanding!

        Isaiah 42:5: Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein.

        Jeremiah 51:15: He hath made the earth by his power, he hath established the world by his wisdom, and hath stretched out the heaven by his understanding.

        Zechariah 12:1: The burden of the word of the LORD for Israel, saith the LORD, which stretcheth forth the heavens, and layeth the foundation of the earth, and formeth the spirit of man within him.

        9. Each star is unique. Centuries before the advent of the telescope, the Bible declared what only God and the angels knew: each star varies in size and intensity!

        1 Corinthians 15:41: There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.

        10. The sun goes in a circuit. Some scientists scoffed at this verse thinking that it taught geocentricity – the theory that the sun revolves around the earth. They insisted the sun was stationary. However, we now know that the sun is traveling through space at approximately 600,000 miles per hour. It is literally moving through space in a huge circuit – just as the Bible stated 3,000 years ago!

        Psalm 19:6: [The sun’s] going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.

        • Keith says:

          All of which proves that some people will push shit uphill to try and interpret old texts in a modern framework. None of these texts prove anything scientific. The “stretching out the heavens” sounds like they are describing putting up a tent. Nothing there talks about infinity, or an expanding universe. “Hanging the Earth from nothing”? Usually if I have a roof over my head and want to keep something off the ground I’ll put it on a shelf or hang it from the ceiling. I don’t see a hook and rope arrangement attached to the Earth so god must be suspending it from nothing. As for the Earth being a sphere, the word in Hebrew is chug. It means a circle, not a sphere, despite what a dictionary definition written nearly 200 years old says.

        • Captain B says:

          I wonder why scientists bother with all those stuffy old books, journals and libraries. Don’t they realise they could replace the whole lot with just one Bible.
          Paulo, demons have invaded your brain.

        • Excelsior says:

          Paulo,
          According to the Bible, the universe is only 6000 years old. Astronomers today say that it is 13.8 billion years old. Astronomers are wrong of course!

          Daylight was created on the first day, but the sun wasn’t created until the fourth day. Since we already had daylight, why did God create a sun? Because God was an Astrologer and he needed the sun for “signs”! (See Genesis 1:14)

          God created the Earth on the first day but didn’t create the stars until the fourth day. That means that the Earth is 4 days older than the stars! Did you learn your astronomy from the Bible?

          Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are! Since you read the Bible, maybe you can tell us!

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Recognizing darkness = knowledge of dark matter?? And “many thought the earth was flat” implies that many also thought it was round.

        • Keith says:

          Well, the Hebrew word in Isaiah is derived from the Hebrew word for a compass (mechughah) , so yes, people in that locality at that time thought that the earth was a flat circle. If Paulo is not a drive by blogger then perhaps we could discuss this properly instead of the cut and paste scattergun method.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Screw you fricking retards. I think your religion is bullcrap and do not accept the idea of worshiping the holy pasta of fricking hades. I think you should shut this stupid website down and get a life.

    Love,

    Anon

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Anonymous, I think your religion is bullshit and do not accept the idea of worshiping a Bronze Age, non-existent, psychopathic ‘god’ and an imaginary zombie.
      I’m amazed that Christianity wasn’t shut down centuries ago, as the most evil criminal organisation that has ever existed.
      Ramen.

      • Excelsior says:

        Captain Birdseye,
        According to Victor Hugo’s estimation, the “Loving” God’s Christian Church burned at least 5 million people at the stake during the Inquisition. According to Marija Gimbutas, Professor of Archeology at The University of California, This Church is responsible for the burning at the stake of 9 million people during the Witch Hunts, mostly women and children!
        By comparison, Hitler murdered only 6 million Jews in the Holocaust, and only burned them after they were dead!
        There are many skeletons like this in the Christian closet. This is only a sample!
        The FSM would never do anything like that! RAmen!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Excelsior, don’t forget there were several Inquisitions, such as Mexican and Goan, so the number of victims will be much higher.

          I came accross this gem of fundie astrobabble that may be of use in correcting your measurements of distance.
          “… the Windows of Heaven is an astronomical repulsive force; and as the Windows open, the force increases…. the force changes time so that in the time of the Flood the Windows of Heaven caused time to pass faster so, as they opened up, billions of years passed by in 5 months”.

      • Captain Birdseye Constant Demands People Rethink What They Post says:

        Excuse me but the imaginary zombie you speak of (presumably Jesus) is not imaginary. It has been proven time and time again he is real. It has also been proven time and time again that he didn’t do any of the things the Bible says he did. The point of Pastafarianism is live and let live, and calling a religion bullshit, is strictly against Pastafarianism. I know I´m technically violating that by saying it, but I’m just trying to provide a friendly reminder.

        Please rethink what you post.

        • Captain B says:

          If Jesus’ existence and resurrection had in fact “been proven time and time again”, then you wouldn’t be inventing bull-shit either. But, it hasn’t and you are.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          It has never proven that Jesus even EXISTED. Historians of his time didn’t write a single word about a man who supposedly preached to thousands and performed miracles.

    • noobtron says:

      noobtron 5000

  3. Anonymous says:

    You are the most retarded people who have ever seen a noobtron pasta star.

    • Keith says:

      I have no idea what a “noobtron” is and even less idea of what a “Noobtron pasta star” is. If you want to make up words you should explain what they mean, or better still ask your primary school teacher if they are suitable for use in the English language.

    • Ash says:

      Why can’t you people be accepting of the religion of others?

      • Noobtron says:

        Noobtron Meaning Nickelback. A band that should replace white noise torture at Guantanamo Bay

  4. Minister Petre-Azeem says:

    Such words from another religion disappoint me. What makes theirs so much more believable? Heck.

    • datcom says:

      swag swag swag we got those pcs and those encryptions

  5. xu chen in london says:

    this is funny

    • matt lond says:

      yes it is isn’t it

  6. Max says:

    Buddha used to say:
    Everybody have the right to reach happiness.
    Meditation is enough to find happiness but, if you like, you can also search your happiness in religions.
    No matter which religion, just be happy.

  7. Noobtron says:

    Noobtron Meaning Nickelback. A band that should replace white noise torture at Guantanamo Bay

  8. Anonymus says:

    This is the funniest thing I have seen in a while, thank you guys XDXDXDXDXDXD

Leave a Reply