Please do not delude yourself

Published November 11th, 2015 by Bobby Henderson

Been a while since I posted one of these, but this one irked me.

Please do not delude yourself that people of real faith are not interested themselves in where you and the other FSM assholes live, and where your loved ones attend school, or work etcetera….

I am not making any threats of any kind, as I am a non-violent Christian.

However, all of the people with my beliefs are not so willing to tolerate your silliness.

My advice is to shut down this pathetic folly, before people far less tolerant of your mockery of their spirituality take an active interest in your membership on a very personal level…

Kevin B

Not sure if that’s a threat or general douchery. It’s weird that people can send such vile messages and assume (hope?) that we won’t publish their identities. I don’t have much interest in publicly shaming, but it’s tempting. You get a C for effort, Kevin. Next time leave an anonymous note or something on my car.

But I think we should give this guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s having a rough day, not not-so-subtly threatening us. I think Kevin needs the FSM in his life.

2,610 Responses to “Please do not delude yourself”

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  1. HeBoiled4Us says:

    All these people just need some faith. The FSM does amazing things for us. He once even gave up his life. Such a great being should never be tolerated such as this. They just don’t understand, they need to learn. We need to help them so they can reach pastaria. We have to free them from the clutches of the meatballord before it’s too late.

    • Pasta-spagbollie says:

      I personally, am only here because this religion seems much, much better than any other. For example there are masses of people killing for their religion, however Pastafarianism isn’t, it feels like a nice and peaceful environment, which I like, no correction, love!
      But is it necessary to believe that there is in fact a FSM floating around in space?

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        P. Spagbollie, of course it’s not necessary. That’s like asking if Christians must believe that their god sits on a cloud or Mary was a virgin. However, a few jugs of rum and you will witness The FSM floating in Space.

      • Rasputin says:

        Hey PastaSpag, the FSM is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES. If you love your children and your pets, that’s just a reflection of the FSM’s love for us all. The FSM is made of love, He sustains and nourishes us.
        I don’t know if the FSM is in space, but there was a manifestation of the FSM in the sea off the coast of Angola a few years ago.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          …… The FSM manifests everywhere, from String Theory, to galaxies being shaped like spaghetti and meatballs.

      • believer says:

        As a true believer that has been visited by his great noodleness i will only say reah deep down into your heart and believe just believe and …you to will see the light, i am in the process of learning all man knows about our religion.

    • believer says:

      This threat scares me and it’s hard to believe that a person who claims to be religious would make death threats let alone actually kill a fellow human being in the name of a religion , simply unheard of what is this world coming to ?

      • Keith says:

        Unfortunately, believer, it is not hard to believe that a religious person makes death threats and kills people. There are whole groups of them operating under the banner of Islam, Christianity, Hinduism and, yes, even Buddhism.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Unfortunately, Believer, believing that The FSM is unbelievable seems to be their problem.

        • Apprentice Fredericb says:

          As the late, great W. C. Fields said: “Every man must believe in something. I believe that I’ll have anorher drink.”

  2. Fuffles the Frying Pan says:

    we live in new zealand, where we have been declared an actual religion

  3. Autumn says:

    I’m doing a speech at my high school about why Pastafarianism is a religion and to make it believable my teacher wants me to have statistics. Have you seen any other statistics besides the ones about pirates and pollution? If so can you send them to me? My teacher is one of the non-believers in this amazing religion so if you could find one that can convince someone with a logical mind. I have looked everywhere and it would be a great help if you could. :)

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Autumn, note Kiva contributions and our global and US legal status….

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Autumn, you must begin with the dictionary definition of ‘religion’. It has several factors. List these factors and give reasons how Pastafarianism satisfies each one.
      Argue that matters of faith do not have statistics: only science has statistics. If your teacher means sheer number of believers, point this out as a logical fallacy: no number of believers means that something is correct. (Example: it was universally believed that the Earth was flat) Conversely, having no believers does not mean that something is incorrect.
      Use the same reasoning that other religionists use, by asking for the evidence that The FSM does not exist. At the same time, ask for the evidence that their particular deity does exist.
      For extra points, argue that a presupposition that The FSM exists, causes The FSM to exist. This is what Christians do all of the time. Ask to be proved wrong.
      Get hold of a copy of The FSM Gospel: it has an Appendix where several eminent scientists provide evidence that The FSM exists.

    • Keith says:

      I think that Apprentice and the Cap’n have the right answers and I cannot add anything of value to that.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Autumn, the value of statistics is over rated. Consider the 19th century British prime minister who said, “There are three types of lies: Lies, damned lies and statistics”.
      Or as the comedian Vic Reeves said, “67% of statistics are just made-up”.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Rasputin, I think there’s a perfect quote in there for Autumn to use. I did five years of statistics at uni to conclude that it’s actually 68%.

  4. Chris Skurkey says:

    When people painted spaghetti sauce in olden times around their door, the spirit of our pasta god passed over their households, sparing their firstborn from the dreaded garlic breath.

    Crap. Now I’m hungry.

  5. Captain Birdseye says:

    Chris, you are referring to Pastaover.

  6. JuanThePirate says:

    FSM has spoken to me on a spiritual level and has guided me to the path of righteousness and Italian cuisine, Those who hate must not be violently converted or targeted, but educated, also Kevin just broke the law through blackmail so get him to apologise or take this to the court man, he just broke the goddamn law.

  7. jerbopi says:

    I understand Kevin B. This is a tread. I was a non-believer, until the FSM .
    Like they say, they open your eyes.
    Where ever you look there is violence in the name of…
    When your not believe in, whatever the fairy-tail is, you should be punished for it.
    This Pastafarian first commandment is be free.
    It’s like what I in the early days of mtv heard:
    If U take life to serious, it screw you.
    Look around, the hole world is screwed, because everybody want to be taken much to serious.
    Somebody who was my best friend turn to such a serious religion, and had, tried to convince me to.
    He put stuff everywhere.
    Only the thought of put spaghetti everywhere is enough.
    Like he slipped over the spaghetti, and than saying:
    You see, the FSM put your whole body back to the ground, relax man!
    When you get twisted by the religion of FSM, you get twisted chips.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Jerbobi, I can’t quite work out whether you found Christianity because of The FSM, or, The FSM because of your Christian experiences. However, you have hit the key concern of religion as a political tool, particularly, when one group covets another group’s land, possessions and influenece, to the point of justifying genocide. As an ex-Christian, you may wonder what Jesus would think of his movement.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        …. that should mean ‘what Jesus’s movement has become’.

  8. christian says:

    you all need Jesus and some brains.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Christian, who is this Jesus? Does he provide a brain? Evidence please. Why is he needed? Evidence please. The people with the best brains reject your wild assertion. You are an incorrigible liar.
      Get the order right. All you need is some brains to find The FSM.

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