Please do not delude yourself

Published November 11th, 2015 by Bobby Henderson

Been a while since I posted one of these, but this one irked me.

Please do not delude yourself that people of real faith are not interested themselves in where you and the other FSM assholes live, and where your loved ones attend school, or work etcetera….

I am not making any threats of any kind, as I am a non-violent Christian.

However, all of the people with my beliefs are not so willing to tolerate your silliness.

My advice is to shut down this pathetic folly, before people far less tolerant of your mockery of their spirituality take an active interest in your membership on a very personal level…

Kevin B

Not sure if that’s a threat or general douchery. It’s weird that people can send such vile messages and assume (hope?) that we won’t publish their identities. I don’t have much interest in publicly shaming, but it’s tempting. You get a C for effort, Kevin. Next time leave an anonymous note or something on my car.

But I think we should give this guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s having a rough day, not not-so-subtly threatening us. I think Kevin needs the FSM in his life.



2,564 Responses to “Please do not delude yourself”

  1. Pam says:

    Dear Spauceror, I am delighted you are on board with the F**k You Very Very Very Much ditty. Like you, I have been liking this song forever but didn’t really know it existed until the Noodle Inspired Wheat Stuff Deity sent my Budgie (who is a very good mimic for a mere sub-parrot) a dream about it last Thursday night. I woke up Friday morning to hear it singing the thing over and over and this went on all the live long morning. It wasn’t just singing, it was head-bang dancing to it whilst swinging on it’s swing like a mad thing! I went to You Tube to check it out and lo and behold, there it was. I am sorry if this means my budgie trumps your parrot but these things are sent to try us.

    I have no problem with you using it as your personal national anthem but I should tell you that I have been in touch with my queen, who art in Buckingham Palace, to see if she might want to get rid of my country’s horrible dirge of a Scotland hating, Yahweh quoting nonsense rhyme and replace it with the F**k You anthem and it might get a bit confusing if you had the same anthem as the whole of the UK. And even if queenie doesn’t go for it, her in-the-closet Pastafarian son Prince Charles is bound to insist upon it when he takes over so you might want to think about patenting the thing before he gets on his noodle-worshipping hands on it. Already he has re-designed our flag. It is still red white and blue still, but it has an FSM avatar in the middle of it. Some of us have seen it with our own eyes, so you have been warned. No doubt, he will add the words “f**k you” to the flag as well, when he hears of this. Or maybe even “f**k you ALLL” …. and bugger the foreign policy implications. So you see, there is no time to waste.

    Rmen.

    • Eteu says:

      I am offended that you take my beliefs and culture to light.
      We true Rastafarians see what you are doing as a blight. Whatever you are doing, stop making fun of my beliefs and culture. You might as well take your
      Christian god and use His name in vain.
      The day will come that you’ll have to answer for blighting our culture
      RAS EteU

      • Rasputin says:

        Yeah Eteu, there is no part of our Pastafarian theology which is as stupid as the false religions based on the Buybull and the Korn Nan.

  2. Pam says:

    Dear Everyone
    How come the Church of the FSM has the only holy book that doesn’t call for the outright mass culling of apostates so that they might be microwaved in tin foil for all eternity. I don’t know why this doesn’t make Pasta Lord’s creed just as popular as the cretinous Abrahamic hate cult theologies.

    Thankyou and Ramen.

    xxx.

  3. Rasputin says:

    It’s amazing how many ways there are to make a living.

  4. Christy O'Faghan says:

    As a follower of Christ, I recognise that Pastafarians are diametrically opposed to the exclusive truth claims made by Christ, and reject His authority over their lives.

    Since by definition, anyone who is not for Christ is against Him; this makes you enemies of God – and by extension; enemies of Christians.

    Yet since I myself was once an enemy of God, and know that God shows great patience and even love for His enemies – as evidenced by His dying for those that hate Him – then I follow His command to ‘Love my enemies’.

    So I repudiate the words of this alleged ‘non-violent Christian’ whom uses such violent language, since he lacks a necessary patience and moreover, fails to understand that the Sovereign God raises up such enemies as yourselves in order to challenge His Church and cause us to display all the more His Glorious Grace and Love.

    So I thank you for doing what you do in challenging us, while praying that God graces you with the ability to turn from your rebellion against Him.

    Also; the woman with the strainer on her head was really funny.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Oh for Christy’s sake, get over yourself already!

    • Keith says:

      So Christy, are you saying that you know who the “true christians” are? When you say that you were an “enemy of god” do you mean that you actively cursed and strove against the Abrahamic god or do you mean that you did not believe in it?

      • Christy O'Faghan says:

        that’s an interesting question Keith, since in the Christian worldview to remain in unbelief is an active choice where one suppresses the evidence of His Lordship and strives against God in that activity

        so to answer whether i actively cursed God or simply did not believe in Him, i’d answer; yes – both

        • Keith says:

          So what evidence of his lordship is supposedly being suppressed?

        • The Sauceror says:

          So Christy, what made you give up your lack of a belief in something that does not exist?

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          “evidence of His Lordship” Interesting quote, Christy, seeing as how even the mere existence of god or Jesus has not been proven. On the other hand, pasta can be found in virtually every market I’ve ever been in.

    • Rev Kelly Grisom says:

      Cheesus Crust! I had no idea that Christians were our enemies. Clearly they have not been touched by His Noodly Appendage, but enemy? Lord Pasta is love. I think you should read the Loose Canon while consuming a fresh helping of your favorite Pasta dish so that your eyes can be made open by our Noodly Carbohydrate-Based Deity.

      I’ll pray for you.

      • Christy O'Faghan says:

        yes, i’m afraid that’s accurate Rev. Grisom, since Pastafarians purport to follow another God – attributing to him qualities that only the One God possesses – they are actively in rebellion against God, and therefore His enemies

        • The Sauceror says:

          Cheesus Christy! [false emphasis added], I am happy to be an enemy of this pretend Gawd of yours. I prefer to be an enemy of murdererous, rapist, genocidal, sociopathic maniacs like ISIS, the Taliban, and Geodee. You are familiar with the Luciferians, aren’t you? How ’bout the Martian Homosexual Illuminatti? They are the ones who are going to take your silly little Gawd down. Better watch out for the borched mesoms. They know where you live! Ramen.

    • Alphy says:

      “… exclusive truth claims made by Christ, and reject His authority over their lives.” There is no real or credible proof that the ‘”historical”‘ masochistic ‘anointed one’ ever really existed. Neither you or any other fundamentalist have a monopoly on truth, morality or righteousness. Also, we live in a free society, we will decide for ourselves whether or not to submit ourselves to the authority of your Big daddy , junior and spook or the authority or any other religious entity, if any at all.

      • Christy O'Faghan says:

        I’m sorry Alphy, but it is absolutely impossible for rebels against God to choose whether to submit to Him – no matter how free their society.

        Mankind is by nature and intent at enmity with our Creator, so we are incapable of turning toward Him, unless He first convinces us of Himself and draws us to repentance.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Christy, nice bit of troll-work. I am quite an admirer. By the way, have we already met? You look so familiar.

        • Alphy says:

          Dear Christy, you would be an ideal companion for ReligiousCyclops. He is an ‘”ex-gay straight”‘ who credits his fundy Christianity and the help of his fairy god father ‘doctor’ Marcus Buttman, Michelle Bachmann’s closet queen husband, for heterosexualizing him. You should read ReligiousCyclops’s posts. They are right up your alley. He is as much a fundy whack job as you. He is often more accurately called GayClops.

          He has that same black/white, all or nothing, self-righteous moral absolutism dichotomy way of thinking that you and most all fundies have expressed – “Since by definition, anyone who is not for Christ is against Him; this makes you enemies of God – and by extension; enemies of Christians.” And; you too, like Bonny Davis, have a deep seated martyr complex.

          Long time well established organized religions and their practitioners ought to be subjected to the scrutiny of critical thinking if they are to be given any credence at all. Most all of them are worthy of well earned ridicule. They and their practitioners are totally ridiculous. There are no shallows to which you fundies will not sink.

          Check out ReligiousCyclops’s (Gayclops’s) posts. You will find that you and he are religious bosom buddies.

          Dear Christy, I end this post by saying to you – PUG CMO THOIN! Since you are an O’Faghan, you know what that means.

      • Anti Atheist says:

        at least his Jesus has some sort of super powers. what can a flying spaghetti monster do? he can do absolutely nothing but get eaten and turned into poop.

        • darkstar says:

          ^^^ Does he also wear spandex and a cape to boot? Is he part of the Avengers by any chance too?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Anti Atheist….. ? Ahh! It brings hate into the equation. That would mean that new-born babies are also your hateful targets. There are no atheists here! Only True Believers.
          It should have occured to me, the American Taliban has a growing list of everyone they love to hate and blame. What horrors they must be to live with. So primitively tribal.
          I’m curious: what on Earth happens to Communion blood and flesh?

        • The Sauceror says:

          It ends up the same way it started.

    • Christy O'Faghan says:

      Once again I have to thank the kind adherents of the CFSM, since in response to my appreciation of your work, you have demonstrated the truth of my claim that Pastafarians are at enmity with Christians.

      I think this is most pointedly shown by the efforts you have gone to in tearing apart someone who says they quite like you, evidencing a disdain for not just an ideology, but for the persons who represent it.

      But it should be noted that I came here to mark my own displeasure at those whom attack you in the name of my God, since I believe such actions are a blasphemy against the Lord Jesus Christ – demeaning Christ’s character in not showing patience for those who hate us – and in seeking to limit some of the damage my alleged brother has done to the name of Jesus, I had to make it clear that we are in groups at odds with each other.

      I understand that you are offended by me pointing this out, since it can be quite challenging to hear that everything you believe is wrong, but I thought it necessary to indicate some of exclusive truth claims of Christianity to facilitate our dialogue, and to assert that our faiths have little common ground; else later down the line be seen as disingenuous when such matters came to light.

      On that note, it would be a pleasure to engage with all of you further but unfortunately one of your number has taken it upon themselves to masquerade as myself in another thread – defending some person I don’t know – and so I include the url for my facebook, should any of you wish to continue this conversation.

      Again, I thank you for your efforts in challenging believers – one could only hope to serve you so well – and so it only leaves me to say with the most sincere love and respect;

      i have been – and remain – your jesus-trol,

      christfag :3

      • Christy O'Faghan says:

        http://facebook.com/christfag

        • Rasputin says:

          It’s fun to mock Christians, but we shouldn’t go too far.
          Remember: The FSM is not a jealous god. He doesn’t care if delusional people worship imaginary deities.
          The FSM only becomes upset when delusional people either:-
          a) Use belief in imaginary deities to do harm, or-
          b) Use their stupid religions to hold back the progress of science.
          The FSM chose to reveal Himself to the Divine Bobby because Bobby’s a scientist. Our Noodly Deity asked Bobby to prevent creationism from being taught in schools as if it was a science. Well done, Bobby. That’s what we’re about.

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Rasputin, you are right of course. It is fun to mock Christians. I don’t think there is a faith based bias though. I think the bias is against stupidity. And indoctrination. If religious history has taught us anything it is that delusional people who believe in imaginary deities always do either a) or b). Usually both.

          And the context is important. This is a site dedicated to His Noodliness (Basil pesto be upon Him). If the site was called http://www.mysondiedonthecrosssoyoucouldmarrynineyearoldvirgins.com I’d probably stay away. Really NSA, I definitely would! The Christian Monitor frightens me!

          So while I’m sure the FSM is not a jealous god I do hope he has a sense of humour. I have heard nothing recently regarding creationism in American schools. Is that battle over?

    • Lunchbox The Pirate says:

      Jesus Zombie Christ on a saltine Cracker Cross…….Rebellion against him??? Him who!!?? Look, I am new to this and this is an old conversation but 1. If you’re a “Christian” why are you even on this site? 2. How condescending Can you really sound if ya try!? If I wasn’t a pacifist Pirate i’d have to brain ya! Of all the stupid…..

  5. fred says:

    I hate spaghetti!!

    • Pam says:

      Dear Fred
      Then you area heathen who will imbibe neither beer nor pizza and you will never set foot on any pirate ships ever.This is known as noodle annialationism .

    • Rev Kelly Grisom says:

      Just because you don’t love Lord Pasta, that doesn’t mean He doesn’t love you.

      • The Sauceror says:

        No one can hate pasta forever. They always come back.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Canoodle, I love that website name!

  6. Pam says:

    Hating pasta means you are a warlock.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Christy, Pastafarians do not oppose God. We simply recognise Him in a different form.

      • Alphy says:

        Dear Christy. You love having imaginary enemies. I once worked with one of you for several years. He actually regarded me as being against him and all fundies, being his, their enemy simply because I was not a fundy. He would so often say – ” You are either with us or against us.” He said – ” You are probably a Catholic. I just want you to know I don’t approve.” I never asked for or wanted the bigot’s approval. Not only do you love having imaginary enemies and a martyr complex like Bonny Davis. You are also only too happy to be offended. These are common traits among you fundies. You need to experience the love of the one and only true God, our beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster. I pray that his Marinara be upon you and Fettuccine Alfredo guide you to salvation from your self righteous bigotry. I am sure this offends you but, again, you are only too hppy to be offended by your imaginary enemies. “Love your enemas as you love yourself!”

  7. Pam says:

    If the people on here who areclaiming to be Christian are not trolling, they should compare and contrast the tolerant progressive theology of the FSM gospel and see how well it stands up against the ignorance peddling, hate vomiting, humourless horrors of influential Jesus Freaks such as the odious Martin Luther. Here he describes the world view expected of Christians. … he was an idiot but he had religion down pat.

    “Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. Faith must trample underfoot all reason, sense, and understanding, and whatever it sees must be put out of sight and … know nothing but the word of God”.

    The Abrahamic religions want for nothing more than a return to the Dark Ages, and to a time when it was more important to study the lies and dogmas of humanity’s silly holy books than it was to seek a cure for Diabetes.

    Don’t waste your lives following this toxic, medieval nonsense. Eat pasta and be happy.

    Ramen.

    • Rasputin says:

      Thanks, Pam. I’ve learned something thanks to you. And to think people revered that sh*t.

    • Alphy says:

      This – “Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. Faith must trample underfoot all reason, sense, and understanding, and whatever it sees must be put out of sight and … know nothing but the word of God”. – is the glorification of ignorance, stupidity and weak mindedness.

      • ReligiousCyclops says:

        Alphy, I was just talking to the Lord about you. You are blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Let Jesus come into your heart. Repent and be saved! Soon the Gate of Heaven will be closed for all eternity! All of you accept Jesus while you still can!

        • Alphy says:

          Hello, FabuClops

          How nice of you. That just warms the cockles of me heart, lad. Gate of Heaven? Isn’t that the ‘Christian’ cult group that died waiting for a UFO to take them into Heaven?

        • Alphy says:

          Fabuclops, when you talk to the Lord, does the Lord talk back? Let Jesus come into my heart? .. Better yet, why don’t I cum into your mouth? Or; I could turn around and offer you something else. After all, you have been so generously coming to our church and offering us your pure unadulterated shit. Maybe your fairy god father Dr. Marcus Bachmann will cum into your mouth. Wouldn’t you like that, Fabuclops?

        • The Sauceror says:

          Gayclops! Sugar-pie. Honey bunch. Some of us have really missed you around here, cupcake. While you are down on your knees “praying”– or whatever it is you do while you are down on your knees– would you mind talking to your imaginary friend about me too? It’s perfectly fine to swallow first. There’s no reason to try to talk with your mouth full. Oh, I don’t want to be “saved” or anything like that. I’m just curious if, while you are down there anyway, you could feel around and check out if your imaginary god’s meatballs are really so much smaller than our real God’s gigantic meatballs. Don’t worry if you can’t find them, they are probably as imaginary as your pretend friend. You are likely the best one to ask this, since you have so much first-hand experience in “accepting” Jebus. We don’t really need to know about your imaginary friend’s noodly appendage, since we already know that it is a teeny weeny weenie. And your imaginary friend is kind of a weenie, too.

        • Christy O'Faghan says:

          You rude, crude rebels against God, leave this good man alone. At least he has real spirituality. He is saved and ready to meet his Lord!

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Christy O’clops, Gayclops has met the meat of his Lord many times already. Usually in a dark alley, on bended knee, and mouth wide open. For twenty bucks, Jebus can’t complain too much about being disappointed.

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Christy, It is wonderful, though hardly surprising, that you courageously defend the Cyclops. There is no easy way to say this but did you realise that your, probably subliminal, choice of nickname contains both ‘christ’ and ‘fag’. Is this a Freudian thingy or a desperate cry for help? (Blink once for yes and 72 times for no).

          Ps Are you also friends with Ben and Phillip?

        • The Sauceror says:

          Blink-182 times if you don’t have a clue.

        • Rasputin says:

          Dear ReligiosCyclops, please talk to your imaginary friend about me as well. I’d hate to be left out.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          I don’t want to be raptured. I have a fear of heights. Talk to someone else.

    • Christy O'Faghan says:

      sorry Canoodle – this is my first time ITT and i don’t really want to engage in debate about someone i don’t know

  8. Rasputin says:

    Dear Sauceror, this is the first time I’ve heard of the Martian Homosexual Illuminati. How do I join? Is ReligiousCyclops already a member?

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Sauceror, I’ve Googled “Martian Homosexual Illuminati” but I couldn’t find it. However there is plenty of strange stuff about illuminati popes, the new world order, homosexual conspiracies and Martians. There are a lot of very strange people out there with weird beliefs and access to a keypad. They frighten me. I prefer to stay safe with you guys and gals and not go out of my comfort zone.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear Rasputin, the Martian Homosexual Illuminati (MHI) is such a secretive organization that even MHI members don’t know much of anything about it. As MHI are agnostics, they question the very existence of their own organization. In fact, the only people who can tell you about MHI are true believing religious non-members like myself. All I can say is that they may or may not have created themselves to teach everybody how to be homosexual and become Homosexualized. This is proven by numerology. You can believe this after you drink several bottles of the Papist wine, which is a sinful MHI wine, since it contains alcohol. This theory doesn’t hold any beer if you drink Gayclops’ wine which is, well, only grape juice. Gayclops can tell you more about this.

      Yes, as you have already guessed, Gayclops is a member. In fact, he became an honorary member of the Martian Homosexual Illuminati after he was taught how to be homosexual, and became fully homosexualized. After Gayclops was homosexualized, he signed a contract in Jebus blood to never disclose the fact that he is a homosexual and an active MHI member. If you want proof of his membership, simply ask him if he is a homosexual or a member of MHI. If he remains silent or denies either, then you can be sure that he is a member, as all members are required to deny or ignore such inquiries. Again, this is proven by numerology.

      If you want to join and become a member, you will first have to be taught how to be a homosexual by being homosexualized. They can’t let any ole heterosexual or non-homosexual just walk in and become a member. It’s written in numerology. I’m sorry, those are the rules. Ramen.

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear Sauceror, it makes perfect sense to me.

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