The Colander In His Admiration: Aaron Williams acknowledges NJ Licencing Laws

Published February 21st, 2013 by Wayne

The Holy Colander, blessed of His Noodlyness because He Boiled for Us inside it, has once again confirmed its rightful place among the Holiest of religious head garments!

Aaron Williams, an Egg Harbor NJ Pastafarian and Sauced Beyond Marinated, has paid tribute to the just Licencing Laws of New Jersey and honoured Lord Glob by wearing the Holy Colander for a renewal photo. Joining Niko Alm with the desire to etch his devotion to the One True Monster in perpetuity, Aaron insisted that the Colander did not breach the Licencing Law.

Despite Aaron Spreading the Truth, the Unenlightened, dedicated as they are to the Law of New Jersey, were compelled to refer this Holy Matter to the State.

Here are some excerpts of  Aaron’s Epistles of Enlightenment to the MVC from the original South Brunswick Patch report written by Davy James:

“What we deem as different or embarrassing is different from what another individual deems as different or embarrassing, in terms of religious practices,” Williams told Patch on Tuesday.

“Had it been a turban or a head scarf, or something from a mainstream religion, then it would’ve been fine,” he said. “I guess since they hadn’t heard of the religion, that’s why they opposed it. But that’s not really acceptable to me. They’re not in a position to discriminate against religions that are mainstream, or not mainstream, just because they may not have heard about it.”

“The people there were very polite, but I’d like to have better training for their employees, so I may be looking into some way to educate their employees on their own policies,” he said. “I feel like after I expressed my opinions and beliefs they were definitely more accepting. I was met with hostility at first and they were asking me what my problem was.

“I didn’t have a problem, they had the problem. After I expressed myself, they realized I wasn’t just some crazy person, but they still didn’t let me wear the strainer for my picture.”

Here is a link to Davy’s original article.

May His Noodlyness Touch the Unenlightened that they become strengthened by Protein, and that the Colander takes its true place not only among the world’s great head garments of faith but on the photo of every Pastafarian driver licence holder!


(Thanks to South Brunswick Patch and Davy James)

92 Responses to “The Colander In His Admiration: Aaron Williams acknowledges NJ Licencing Laws”

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  1. Rasputin says:

    If this site sold colanders with an FSM symbol attached, would anyone buy the things? I wonder. Postage might be difficult.

    • Canoodle says:

      Dear Rasputin, Perhaps Bobby could just sell the holes? I mean they are the truly holy part aren’t they? Or do I misunderstand our theology? A true believer would be happy with an empty envelope. I have personally bought a can of Queensland sunshine and it was great!

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear Canoodle, that’s a BRILLIANT idea, and a good example of why I enjoy visiting this site.

      • The Sauceror says:

        I wholly agree with this holey theory– even if it is just a “theory”. Call me an apastastate, but right about now I would be more than happy to trade all the holes in my wholly holey holy colander for a can of that sunshine. Can you ship it to the U.S. via E-mail? It wouldn’t even cost you a whole dime. Pasta.

        • Excelsior says:

          I just returned from a visit to our holey holy colander factory in Neverland and collected 3 zillion holy holes which fills the holds of umpteen Pirate ships. I am sending a shipload to every Pirate via Pasta-mail!
          What made me love FSM at first sight is that he welcomes everyone but doesn’t condemn non-believers/infidels/kaffirs to hell like some religions do. That’s the worst thing a religion can do and violates the Bill of Rights that guarantees freedom of religion! (The First Ammendment of the Bill of Rights was made under the influence of FSM!)

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Sauceror, I’m sure no one would ever doubt your wholiness nor accuse you of the hairy handed consequences of apastatating. That would be blasphemous and could lead to warm beer and the occasional STD in the hereafter. Of course this will only happen to those of us that believe it will, as we do.

          As you know we only got the internet here in Australia a few weeks ago so I am still trying to figure it out. I watched ‘You’ve Got Mail’ three times to try to improve my internet ‘savvy’. I even know what ‘wall’ means in a social media context. Reminds me of a story I heard years ago about a mother whose teenage daughter convinced her to switch from MySpace to Facebook. She said that for weeks after she would sometimes get confused and invite people to ‘come on MyFace.’ It is said by some, such as Anthony Weiner, that this single event led to the invention of the ‘electronic dick pic.’ I’m not so sure.

          So sending you that sunshine via email will be problematic. Have you thought of other sources? Could you attend a Donald Rump rally and stand behind the man? I mean it’s got to be better than standing up front regardless! As Tom Robbins said ‘I’ve got a déjà that won’t stop vuing’. When the bush baby was running I said ‘no way’ would a majority of people vote for this imbecile. I said the same thing about our ex-PM Tony Abbott. Wrong again. Now you’ve got a candidate that looks like an orang-utan (with sincere apologies to any orang-utans in the room. That face really does look good on you!), and sounds like a horses ass! (Any horses’ asses reading see above!)

          On an even more sombre subject have you seen the plight of these poor creatures as Indonesia recommences massive deforestation by fire? For years I have been arguing that until developed countries agree to directly invest in regions where these terrible environmental tragedies are occurring it is never going to stop. Pay them to protect and care for their environment. Many years ago I knew a Filipino guy who drove a truck transporting illegal logs to a saw mill. That year a lot of folk had died due to landslides caused by this logging. When I mentioned this he replied ‘If I don’t do it four people are going to die right now. Me, my wife and our two children’. To my mind that is the problem in a nutshell. If we want our kids to experience these wonders we need to make a big down payment yesterday. I’d be very interested to hear other people’s thoughts on this. I’ll slide off the hobby horse now! (I used to have a high horse but he quit smoking weed.)

        • Keith says:

          The only way to stop massive deforestation is to get honest politicians. Corruption in government is the biggest mover of environmental catastrophes. Just think of our situation in Australia where politicians who are on the side of the rich and greedy simply rubber stamp big mining projects and their consequences (such as dumping crap in the Great Barrier Reef).

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Keith, That is true. If we can’t even address the problem in an allegedly developed democratic nation what chance does S. E. Asia have? A while back I heard the term ‘slacktivism’ and really liked it. So prevalent these days it seems to me. I attended demonstrations back when the poster boy of crony capitalist corruption, Joh Bjelke, decided to pave the road through the Daintree. We lost that one but had better luck with the Gordon below Franklin. That was back before you could feel good that you were ‘doing something’ by just clicking on the like button on a web site.

          I have never joined any social media site though I did once visit Stephen Frys twitter page. (He was having bacon and eggs for breakfast in Bali and I was completely unsure what I should do with this information). In the end in my confusion I decided to fry bacon! Don’t worry, I then combined this with His Creamy Noodleness and exotic fungi in accordance with the sacraments.

          PS I was also wondering, in case I ever join facebook and someone posts that their mother just died, is it ok to ‘like’ it?

        • Keith says:

          I still have a “send Fraser to the bottom of the harbour” sticker. Yes, I was in the Gordon below Franklin protests. Regarding the facebook question, I am not on facebook but I would suggest that expressions of genuine sympathy would be appreciated far more than a “like”.

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Keith, Your sticker is hilarious for Aussies of our vintage. Goanna wasn’t just an Aussie band but was the name of a local storeman and packer…….or was that just a packer? I forget in my old age. Another favourite of mine from that era was ‘Land rights for gay whales!’

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Bobby, While I’ve got you on the line could you talk to His Noodliness about SilliKiwiMan? His incisive witty contributions were a major factor in my own conversion. I miss them.

        • Keith says:

          Dear Canoodle: Yes I also remember “Land Rights for Gay Whales” . I saw it stencilled on the side of a building in Adelaide once.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Keith, did they ever get their natural rites, or are they still being told, “all you need is a good Ambylobia”? Ambylobia has been looking for thousands of years for a good gay whale to land right.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Excelsior, I always wondered where those wonderful gloty holes for our colanders were manufactured. There is no way they could have just been created out of thin air, unless the FSM semi-intelligently designed them that way. I can’t wait to receive a zillion more holy holes for my holey colander (shipped to the U.S. via Pasta-mail) after I trade the old ones for some sweet, sweet, warm canned sunshine from Orshtralya. I have to ask, though, if those holes were manufactured in a pasta-environmentally friendly, pro-union facility. I’m kind of a colander hole fair-trade zealot. I could never accept colander holes in which any borched mesoms were harmed or exploited or paid an unfair wage in their manufacture.

          Also, could you insure that these holes are completely free of di-hydrous oxide. Di-hydrous oxide is now thought to be the most addictive and deadly chemical known on Earth. It permeates our whole planet. It has been discovered in all the Earth’s oceans– even to the deepest oceanic depths. It has been found on land too! Anyone who has ever been exposed to this chemical is instantly addicted and always dies in the end. No one has ever kicked the di-hydrous oxide habit, and anyone who has breathed it in its concentrated form dies very quickly (although many have been temporarily resuscitated from such over-doses). I don’t want my colander holes to be contaminated by this vile substance. Di-hydrous oxide is a COMMUNIST!

          …….or something.


        • Keith says:

          Dear Sauceror: I think they got their “Rites of Passage” but for the sake of the faint hearted I will not go into any details.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Their story must remain wholly holey.

  2. Canoodle says:

    Dear Bobby, His Noodliness the FSM came to me in a dream last night and spake thus. ‘You must humbly suggest to my one true Prophet Bobby that placing the ‘recent comments’ hyperlink on the mast head of the home page would immediately direct new comers to current liturgies. Given that many recent revelations concern prior revelations dating back to, oh, let’s say no more than 6,000 years ago, wouldn’t it be wise to make it easy for prospective converts, even fundies, to find out where the action is?” The FSM made me do it.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Canoodle, that’s a good idea.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Canoodle, I second that, too– or is it “two”?

        • Saint Gnocchi says:

          Dear Saucerer! This is an opportunity not to be missed. I herewith submit that in our religion we can do with a friend for our lonely pink homosexual elephant. Perhaps we should introduce the elephant to Canoodle and Keith’s Gay Whale?

        • Keith says:

          Welcome back St Gnocchi. I hope you had a enjoyable sabbaticle?

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear St. G., I agree. But for some reason I always thought (up until now) that your pink elephant was tri-sexual. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Thrice is nice!

        • Canoodle says:

          Dear Saint Gnocchi, What a splendid idea! I believe the whale is a sensitive troubled actor. He does like a bit of blow and tends to blubber after a few champagnes. If you are interested in organising a meeting he is currently acting in an off (very far off) Broadway production of “The Humpback is Not a Dame”.

  3. Canoodle says:

    He has previously had roles in such epics as the suspense drama ‘Krill Zone’ and in the swash buckling adventure ‘Walk the Plankton.’

    • Keith says:

      And was the star of the porn flick “Free Willy”

      • Rasputin says:

        Welcome back, St. Gnocchi.

  4. David says:

    I have a concern about the use of the colander. If the colander avoids spaghetti to get into the sink, isn’t it avoiding His Noodleness to reach the minds of the True Believers with His Noodle Appendage? Minds should be open.

    • The Sauceror says:

      If the spaghetti falls into the sink, it falls into the sink. If the spaghetti doesn’t fall into the sink, it doesn’t fall into the sink. It all depends on what his yumminess wills the spaghetti to do. We have no control over the FSM’s noodly wishes. We can’t be held responsible for our own actions. We must merely believe and have faith that supernatural, magical things are real.

    • Keith says:

      I don’t know of anyone who is likely to receive spaghetti that has fallen down the sink (except Sewer Urchin from The Tick).

  5. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Dear Canoodle, I hope this post is not too late. Facebook’s going to splat every brain cell in your posession. Be afraid, be very afraid and don’t say this Pasta didn’t warn you.

    • The Sauceror says:

      What St. G. says is absolutely true. I didn’t listen either, and look what happened to me.

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