We had my daughter baptized for family reasons

Published May 19th, 2012 by Bobby Henderson


We had my daughter baptized for family reasons. My price was that I got to choose the cake.

Submitted by Jeremy, baked by Marie-Eve

52 Responses to “We had my daughter baptized for family reasons”

  1. Cam says:

    I am not so sure about that Ziggy. Spagahetti sauce can stain flesh for a day or two.

  2. Omnipotent Zombie says:

    Kudos to Jeremy for negotiating the cake compromise. Even though some, if not most of the guests may miss the meaning of the cake, we here at the CotFSM do not. At the very least, people will be exposed to the image of his Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  3. Olio says:

    Am under the impression by this posting, if it were not for family reasons, there would be more empty pews during many services.

    Elsewhere on the boards, someone noted being banned from a religious house of worship because of being blatantly a theist while their spouse is not. I cannot see anything more respectful of that church than the attendance of an a theist with their family member they love, clearly demonstrated. There was mention of denial of a church wedding as I recall due to one of the couple not being a devout church member. This could be considered discrimination and height of absurdity ; does that church not want converts? What better way to share faith than not to turn their back on those they feel are lacking in divine inspiration? Treatment any other way may only alienate, potentially, both members of the couple anyway and probably goes against the tenets of that church which am guessing has aim to preserve marriages and enrich the community and if their faith is so unshakable, probably ought look in the mirror before passing down a denial of the sort mentioned. Otherwise, the goals outlined by most religious institutions which perform ceremonies are probably not met by this such behavior. Unless they propose a faith test at the door to the chapel for everyone, this is simply wrong to single out that couple ( and how else do they expect to have anyone learn directly about the religion, google it)?

    • On Our Own says:

      I fear if you don’t exclude some then there is no “in group” exclusion is necessary to make those in the group feel special. I worry of this inevitably becoming part of the FSM experience that we will have to G’aaard against.

  4. On Our Own says:

    Point of question regarding the ritual: my daughter has been baptised twice already against her (and my) will. So perhaps I should bow to family and baptise her. I am ordained in the church now so I assume can perform my own service. But, should I boil the pasta in the water and then use the (cooled of course) water or can plain non-noodled water be used? I want to be completely certain of areas of dogma in ritual stages of life ceremonies. I suspect my services in this regard will soon be in demand.

    On this note, the gospel does not spell out wedding ceremony rituals clearly. Is there a text on this or may I write my own?

    • Keith says:

      I would have thought dipping your fingers in a glass of beer would be just as easy and more pleasurable. It is, after all, the symbolism that is important. No matter how hard I looked when I was a very young kid I could never see the cross that was smeared on my forehead. I would also suggest lots of holy words and phrases like “Arr!, Shiver me timbers, Pieces of Eight” and “Matey” be used. If you can get hold of Captain Pugwash I think he’d be an ideal godfather.

    • Reverend Captain Mal says:

      Considering that the only dogma we follow is the rejection of all dogma, I feel like rituals are open to the interpretation of the individual. It’s like the FSM’s way of saying “I made you creative for a reason.”

      Personally, I like to envision a Pastafarian baptism as one’s first meal of spaghetti and meatballs. If that meal has already happened, it can always be done again.

    • Adam Silverstein says:

      More than one baptism is swimming lessons.

  5. Science says:

    Its “compromises” like these that are the reason theism is so rampant in the US… and I’d go as far as to say that they’re also the reason there is even a debate about Intelligent Design versus Evolution at all. We allow this nonsense to exist by not questioning it openly, by accepting the “little rituals” for “family reasons”.
    It’s your daughter, do what you like, but I’ve lost all respect for you.

    • Olio says:

      All respect? What if the tradition were several generations of let’s say quilt making each time a child is born, with everyone in the family participating old enough to thread a needle safely. You are in that family and really do not care for quilt making, but you participate to uphold tradition. Would you still have no respect for the people involved?

      Here there was recently a film viewing about the life of Pocohontas. I had learned about her when I was younger but, not registered certain aspects of her life. She was said to have undergone a baptism after her family and community were alternately driven off land (which they treated with respect and had occupied for generations) and shot at (they were unfamiliar with and unprepared for guns). Burning and destruction of wide swaths of the area was also said to have been a factor in their forced relocation. Pocohontas had a bond with one of the overseas settlers and after being dis owned for her love interest and assistance to the invaders, many of whom were dying due to lack of survival skills, after she contributed greatly to the remaining settlers survival, she was captured and bartered with, ended up as a hostage at the now well established encampment which used alot of natural resources to build. There she was lied to, brainwashed and baptized a nice Christian name along with having to abandon a way of life which is amazing has even survived at all to be shared today, under the circumstances. She was held as assurance against retaliation, because there was such great respect for her throughout the land even under the condition of her being cast out, that further retaliation was staved off just because she was held there as described. She bore a child to another settler where she continued to be ‘educated’ and was eventually honored by England where she soon after died forever separated from her former life.

      There was speculation following the film that if instead of this response to unfamiliar customs or points of variance, there had been more mutual respect for each the other things would not have turned out so tragically. The baptism was not the worst of it obviously, but was icing on the cake.

  6. Pasta Lover says:

    As a devout follower of the CofTFSM and being married to a Catholic religious ceremonies can be a challenge however I was surprised when I recently had a priest tell me that as far as he was concerned there were many routes to God and the CofTFSM was as valid as all the others !

    • Keith says:

      An interesting point of view. Does that mean he believes that all roads lead to Rome?

      • Greg Kochanski says:

        If you start almost anywhere in Eurasia and walk randomly on roads for long enough, you should eventually get to Rome. From the US, some of the roads are washed out.

    • Atsap Revol says:

      As in organic chemistry, we are the D and L forms of pasta adoration. Let there be light (plane polarized, that is). Of course the routes to God are equally valid…all are false.

      Atsap Revol, The Pasta Prelate

  7. Kristoffer says:

    Bonus points if His Holy MeatBalls are actually meatballs (which everyone knows pairs well with iced vanilla cake).

  8. Carbonara Corsair says:

    Could you ever imagine how serious a baptism could get? Have a look at this… And don’t let anyone murmuring strange formulas pour water on your head!


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