Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson


Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,


270 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. Rich says:

    Brilliant! I laughed hard mate! Truly his noodlieness has touched and inspired this work.

  2. anon says:

    > I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s.

    “Even”? “Especially not” surely?

  3. clxxxiv says:

    Mayhap the mighty FSM could make it baby oil instead of bear for special stripper occasions. Involve a kiddie pool and several strippers so I errr, we could commune with them over the holyness of the FSM whilst wrestling in yon pool. The beer could arrive in keg form.

    Please brothers strippers are an important function for FSM. We must find yon stripper and put our hands on her err i mean help her.

  4. SoulFire says:

    Since the FSM embraces contradiction you are welcome to ensure your safety and prevent our precious beer from committing alcohol abuse by wasting it so frivolously.

  5. Zane says:

    Looking at the image none of the beer is on her yet and it seems to be on a course straight for her mouth and her head is tilted back so that she can drink. Of course since this is the holy beer, then it will not cause her to become dangerously drunk (just pleasantly so) and so she won’t fall or otherwise hurt herself from this drink. Of course if she wanted to be doused in beer I have no doubt the FSM would oblige while using His divine powers to make sure that she stays safe from slipping.

  6. Awesome guy says:

    It is simply the heaven of beer and strippers that are promised to all pastafanismites in the afterlife. But if you are bad, the beer is stale and the strippers have STD’s. So praise his noodliness. R’amen!

  7. John says:

    I choose to interpret this image as one of the FSM’s wish for us to combine our beer drinking and stripper oggling but not necessarily pour beer on strippers. For one, the FSM surely will not let beer wasters into his Never Ending Pasta Bowl in the Olive Garden even if there is a beer volcano.

  8. Puma says:

    Piper, I think you have forgotten that some things we are to take metaphorically and some literally. I think this, like most art, is metaphoric. Having an R on the tea pot from which his noodlie goodness is poring has meaning. I am sure that the “R” meaning is both to represent respect, his great respect for strippers is well known and revered by all, and the R sound his first followers were known for…Rrrrrr.

    You should not have a crises of faith here, he is (metaphorically) pouring his respect and admiration on you. Well not you but what would be a “metaphoric” you.

    You should be proud to be a pastafarian and you should be very proud to be a stripper, one of his chosen.

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