Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson


Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,


263 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. Mark says:

    I want a gravatar

    • wulff says:

      So go get one :)


      • Mark says:

        Holy gravatar

        • Drained and Washed Clean says:

          I don’t see holes in your gravatar…?

  2. b33bl3br0x says:

    To Piper,

    I rather think he’s not pouring the beer on her he’s pouring it into her mouth. You see how concetrated the stream is? Ok sure there’s going to be a little spillage but I think she’s ok with that. The FSM would never force her to drink or wear beer if she were not ok with it beforehand.

  3. younger says:

    …well since beer doesn’t usually come in a coffee pot (except at mt uncle mel’s house!) especially one one marked with a letter”R”. I’d like to think the almighty noodle is pouring out his faith or “Religion” on to his pole dancing acrolyte.Or maybe it’s an outpouring of his “Redemption!”..either way I don’t belive even 7 inch heels would slip on his presents of grace..to the graceful!

  4. Hertzey says:

    It is not beer, it is Russell’s Teapot, also known as Bertrand’s Teapot or the Celestial Teapot. Russell’s Teapot is the predecessor of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Invisible Pink Unicorn. More information can be found here> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell%27s_teapot

    • Sky says:

      The creationists say that god is more plausible than Russel’s teapot. Because he is a “grand” idea or something. In all reality, a teapot in space makes more sense. What if an astronaut named Russel dropped his teapot in space? Of course it would orbit the largest thing available!

      • Brian says:

        I’m a little teapot, no wait, I’m just an ugly mug! Wait, what?…..

  5. Ed C says:

    Dear Stripper Piper, I am guessing that you are either feeling confused and distressed as you say, or that you have written an evocative and subtle satire to help us see or project our own pasta onto you. If you truly want some advice, read on. I see a need for wild imaginative exploration of your own spiritual potential. In my many spiritual emergencies and emergences, I have benefited from brainstorming multiple scenarios to work with the symbols and perceived abuses which have felt painful and paradoxical. Then I choose one or two which conform with the path I really seem to see ahead for me. For example, if I find I still want to enjoy being Pastafarian, I will see FSM as an angelic symbol of my ideal reptilian Savior, translating the Fountain of Eternal Life and Living Water from the Crown chakra of the Spirit of Unconditional Love into an ecstatic baptism of my once-innocent Eve nature, transforming me into a Goddess of Wholeness. But if I find I’m tired of stale pasta, I will see a meat-ballsy Medusa perverting Christ by trying to seduce me with an alcoholic aphrodisiac.

  6. Ziggy says:

    Pastafarians do not pour beer on strippers unless the stripper wants beer poured on her. You might note the “R” on the pitcher indicating it is RUM not beer anyway.

  7. Brian says:

    You won me over at 7″ stilettos!!!

  8. Britarse says:

    What do you mean “even” the death of a stripper? Stripper’s lives are as valuable as anyone else’s, especially in their capacity as votaries in the temples and afterlife of His Noodliness

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