Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson


Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,


267 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. Rasputin says:

    There’s an ad appearing via Google next to our website, for something called http://www.considerthegospel.org . Their site says derogatory things about the FSM. I’ve just been there and left a suitable message. You might want to go there too, like a bunch of drink-crazed rowdy pirates, wrecking the vicar’s tea party.

    • kekka says:

      I tried to follow that link you posted in your comment Rasputin, but I got an error message saying “accessed denied”…

      Guess they don’t want me to consider the gospel…

      • Fat Bastard says:

        Rasputin, I get the same ‘access denied’, presumably, to their gospel. Perhaps your message was a bit too ‘suitable’.

        • Rasputin says:

          Strange stuff goin’ on.

  2. Cap'n Grey Beard says:

    How instructive that he picks the film Braveheart as “historical”. Virtually nothing in Braveheart is historically accurate. Just like the bible he prefers the story over the truth.

    There are too many falsehoods to rebuff here and a quick google will tell you more than i can but the most remembered scenes depict Celts in clan tartan with blue face paint. Clan tartan never existed until the victorians invented the idea long after the clans wete destroyed in the clearances. The Celts didn’t wear blue paint or “wode”.

    That was the Picts an indiginous race invaded by the Celts and virtually genocided. The name Pict was Roman for “blue people”.

    It would seem that any story will do. 2000 years old or Holywood. It doesn’t seem to matter. And as for evidence…

    P.s. And William Wallace didn’t have a ‘stralian accect either.

    • Fat Bastard says:

      But….. they must have been True Scots: they didn’t wear underpants.

      • Gnocchi Saint Pudding says:

        Let me, a woman, set the record straight for once and for all. The aforementioned race were genocided on a Monday, the traditional day on which mothers, worldwide, do their laundry.

        Their mothers had insisted they leave their underpants behind so she could do the laundry in order that, on returning from their war, they could be rewarded with nice fresh undies.

        Sadly, return they never did. Genocided the hell out of and underpantsless every mother’s son of ’em lay dead on the battlefield, with their family jewels flapping in the breeze.

    • kekka says:

      It’s still probably not the least historically accurate movie… I spent half of “Gladiator” yelling words to the effect of “That’s not how that happened!” At the screen and annoying the absolute hell out of my sister.

      Apparently, you’re meant to “suspend disbelief” so it’s kind of like going to church I guess…

    • Keith says:

      William Wallace was probably a better actor.

  3. Cap'n Grey Beard says:

    Trouble is many ‘mercans think Holywood IS history.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Dear Cap’n GB, I hope you don’t mean “merkins” – that’s kind of mean, LOL.

    • cole says:

      If you think Americans have trouble thinking Hollywood is history, you would freak about other countries. It is definitely not Holywood but more like Hellywood. I’m not complaining its good to be an ‘merican

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Cole, ‘merkins conceal Hellywood.

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