You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,445 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

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  1. Drakeshoaf says:

    Who are you to tell us pastafarians what we can and cannot believe in…

  2. UnicycleRoflcopter says:

    Wait, wait, wait… We can’t have a religion based on our beliefs? Try telling that to Jesus when he was gathering followers, or L. Ron Hubbard, or Buddha, or even the Dalai Lama (to name a few.) It’s not too late to believe in something else, and what’s wrong about the pirate ship? You should always set your goals high. Also, what’s up with your constant use of “I am not even that christian…” Are you christian at all? I’m not sure if you’re trolling, I’m trolling, or if we’re both being serious.

    • Respectable Citizen says:

      *cough cough* Noah’s Ark? Ring a bell?

  3. Inge says:

    Hmmm. Assuming the size of a pirate ship is variable and leasing it might be an option today….don’t Pirates snatch teir ships off unsuspecting tycoons??
    Anyway – according to your argument either Noah was one of us ship-snatching pirate-noodelists, very rich (which, according to your gospel, would prevent him from entering heaven – or he could never have afforded the kind of ship covering all living animals – twice over.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Noah should have suggested to god “Hey – All-Knowing One! Why not have just one very pregnant female of each species? It would cut down our manifest by 50%. “

      • BlargOBlarg says:

        Whoops, the unicorn mom had a baby daughter.

  4. Inge says:

    Hate to dissapoint you. Try as I might, I cannot find anything suggesting husbandry and/or midwivery talents in the Noah verses…
    Besides, can you imagine those old testament Jews giving their wiveys the idea that they themselves just might be dispensable most of the time and jugging them overboard seems like a good idea?? Get real!
    Grinnings, eh, greetings from Munich

  5. Logan the Pastafarian says:

    Dear and beloved Mike,

    There are few things in your post that have me, well, concerned. Firstly, for the better of your intelligence and, perhaps, understanding of our Pastafarian ways, you might want to collect a dictionary and look up, “satire.”

    Secondly, you used “christianity” as an adjective. It makes me sad that you care so little about your own beliefs that you neither capitalize nor appropriately use the name for which they are categorized in correct grammar.

    Finally, you left us with the parting gift message, “suck it.” Now, considering you didn’t strictly isolate that to the women of our Flying Spaghetti Monster Church, I can only assume you applied it to men as well. Aren’t homosexual interactions against your beliefs? It seems very contradictory, Mike. According to your people, all those who participate in homosexual acts are to spend an eternity burning in fiery lakes of pain and torture for simply being who they are. If I’m correct, which I believe myself to be, you’ve just wished an entire religion of people to eternal suffering. Reminds me somewhat of the religious wars of history…

    But, as you criticize our hopes for pirate ship glory, may I ask how exactly, given that there is estimated to be roughly 5 million species of animal on Earth today, Noah was able to not only find, shepherd, and fit 10 million animals on his ship, but also manage to keep them from eating each other to stay alive for over a month?

    We at the Church of Pastafarianism thank you for expressing your feelings and hope that our peaceful, non-war-starting ways don’t further offend your beliefs.

    • Inge says:

      Thinking of your 5 million species I just don’t want to imagine where those creepy crawly things were transportet, especially the germs for sexually transmitted deseases…..

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      One could spend quite some time poking holes in the Great Flood fable. ANYONE who believes it literally is a complete idiot.

      Once upon a time there was a large, local flood – happens all the time. Some farmer managed to get his wife, kids and a couple selected farm animals on a make-shift raft and rode it out for a day or two. Ancient story-tellers being what they were, hundreds of years later the story got a little embellished. Kind of like with the life of Jesus.

  6. BathoryRB says:

    The letter from Mike says ” I hope the the goverment shuts you down and takes you’re money”. Specifically “you’re”, by Mike’s words Mr. Bobby Henderson is money or is made of money. If the average american male weights around 196 pounds and according to the U.S. Treasury $1 million dollars in $100 dollar bills weights 22 pounds, therefore Mr. Bobby Henderson is worth about $8.9 million dollars. That is enough to buy himself a pirate ship, fill it with strippers and beer and go around the world teaching “not that christian” people about the great Flying Spaghetti monster. That makes Mike the fraud.

  7. Br says:

    >People need to think for themselves
    >Is christian

  8. Darksons says:

    YOU CAN’T SUPPRESS MY BELIEFS! THAT’S AGAINST MY SELF-PROCLAIMED RELIGION. This is all true, because this site says so.

    >Christians mfw

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