You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,445 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

  1. CheeseSauce says:

    Mike mentions that we need to think for ourselves. But he is telling us not to believe in the FSM. So would we really be thinking for ourselves if we listened to him?

    And how is our building our pirate ship any different from the Catholic Church building cathedrals worth millions of dollars? At least our ship is fun!

    • lolhoofd says:

      yes and it woud have stripers and beer, wich the church dosent have

      and i dont think the wine tast great in there

      • opiesysco says:

        I dont like wine.
        I want the beer and the strippers.
        Where does the midgit fit in to the picture?
        Does he run the beer volcano or the stripper factory?
        So many questions…

  2. Omnipotent Zombie says:

    lol no shit sherlock.

    Exactly! People need to think for themselves and not behave like a mindless flock of sheep.

    How? like not prosecuting pedophile priests?.. Promoting the spread of STD’s and unwanted children by opposing the use of condoms and birth control? Not paying taxes but still overstepping the boundary of church and state?

    technically, you can make a dinghy your pirate ship.

    Wow Mike, you failed so hard on your email.
    And what is wrong with a pirate ship filled with strippers? don’t be such a shrew

    • Omnipotent Zombie says:

      eh something went wrong when i tried to copy and paste bits of Mike’s letter on to my post. (face slap)

  3. Timegirl4468 says:

    Dear Mike,

    It’s our right to practice what religion we like, as long as you’re in America, Britain, or any other country that allows that. (Personally I think you’re American. But, then again, with that level of literacy, who can really be sure?) You don’t need the ‘right’ to start a religion. Here is a handy definition of ‘religion’:

    noun /riˈlijən/ 
    religions, plural

    The belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods
    – ideas about the relationship between science and religion

    Details of belief as taught or discussed
    – when the school first opened they taught only religion, Italian, and mathematics

    A particular system of faith and worship
    – the world’s great religions

    A pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance
    – consumerism is the new religion”

    I can’t see anything in that that says we can’t. Goodness, it doesn’t even say we have to be a large group! Religion is purely a belief in a God or Gods, or, as the fourth definition says, ‘A pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance’. For that definition, drawing and writing is part of my religion. (I wouldn’t say it was my religion; I have an odd faith system that I won’t go into here unless asked.)

    Part of our cause, in a way, is to get people to think for themselves. If you can’t see that, you obviously haven’t looked into our religion very much before complaining at us. Then again, that is made clear by you said we wanted to ‘buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer’. You are mistaken. We want to buy a Pirate ship and sail the seven seas, plundering towns and handing out candy to passing children. Completely different, I’m sure you’ll agree.

    One last point; we know full well how much pirate ships cost. That’s why we’re raising money.

    All the best,


    • Spammyboy says:

      That’s Oxford, isn’t it? I think I have that edition somewhere…

  4. Lynda says:

    Its funny how Mike has to repeat that he isn’t “that” Christian.. Obviously because were he “that” Christian he would realize that Christianity isn’t about thinking for yourself, its about thinking about the church and God. Silly boy how could he get that confused.
    “They don’t need to listen to your nonsense” Correct they don’t “need” to but before people judge anyone else’s “nonsense” they should really make sure they’ve looked in on it to ensure what that “nonsense” is about before they make an a$$ of themselves. I don’t think someone who reacts like this should ever be able to use the word “think”, however it does give me yet another example of people who don’t “think” for my next blog posting and for that I am kinda thankful but I have so many now that it is starting to get depressing.
    “At least they are trying to help people”.. indeed they are, in some cases.. but then again so are Atheists as a quick google search would prove.. Oh wait a minute this is yet another person who doesn’t understand that this is satire and thinks (oh there’s that word again) that this is a real thing. Interesting!
    Indeed, “make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer” is a pretty silly idea isn’t it. Almost as silly as someone who believes it. Is this another person who believes we get tax breaks cause I almost fell off my chair when I read that.
    It’s a good thing that Mike here is not “that” Christian because I’m sure zombie Jesus would be upset at the “suck it” comment..
    And finally Bobby “obvious”ly gives a sh!t about this “so-called religion” because he was nice enough to share your letter with us to let us know how small minded you really are. Bobby’s all about making his “followers” happy!

    Lots of love,
    Lynda aka matiir

  5. Insightful Ape says:

    The hatemailer does have a point. It won’t be easy to get our pirate ship. The reason is that our donations to our church are unfairly taxed. We should focus on obtaining tax exemption for our church, getting the pirate ship will then become much easier.

    • midnight_rider says:

      Bobby! Could you change the title of the website to the “Tax Exempt Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?” The tax exempt part could be in a smaller font maybe.

  6. PastaPete says:

    I think we should construct our ship out of morons, as there seems to be a surplus at the moment. It wouldn’t even be that difficult to lure them in, strap them together, then seal all the cracks and holes in the ship (we might need a lot of sealant, though, because their are probably some really big holes where all the morons’s brains have fallen out). To lure them in, we’d just have to create some sort of religion that promises eternal salvation if they come lay down next to all these other morons while people dressed like pirates tie you together and smothered you in a sticky liquid that will harden over your bodies and create a water-tight seal.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      At first I was going to applaud this idea but after mulling it over for a few minutes I realized morons may be too stupid to float. They are simply too ‘dense’ and would naturally sink to the bottom. Better to use them as nature intended, door stops, parking lot bumpers, crash test dummies, boat anchors, speed bumps, bookmarks, coal mine canaries, the red shirt guys from Star Trek, human shields, and bullet proof vest quality assurance testers.

      • Tracy says:

        OMFSM! I can’t breathe… too…funny…

      • PastaPete says:

        Guess you’re right… Hmmm. Well, if we built a flying pirate ship, we could use them as ballast.

  7. Metal Head says:

    “I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money”

    This is a church, not a bank that J.P. Morgan has its eyes on.

  8. Fussilier says:

    I love how he says that people need to think for themselves, and then starts telling us what to think :)
    Indeed a troubled soul in need of beer.

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