You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,445 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

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  1. Rob says:

    Well Mike, among the most stupid things *I’ve* ever heard are (in no particular order): virgin birth, virgins blowing martyrs in paradise (they do love virgins, don’t they?), Pi = 3, ships with a 2 of all existing species, souls, rebirth, paradise as such, a pope and/or mullahs (how dum can you get to buy *that*), genital mutilation (male and female varieties), burkas, oh my that will be a long list …

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Has any religion actually described sex in paradise? Yeah, I know about the promised virgins, so Islam implies it, but the Christian vision of heaven appears to be androgynous.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        Apparently its is an eternity of good conversation.

        • Pedant says:

          Is that what’s meant by the term ‘oral sex’? Seriously though Tilted, it sounds a hellava lot better than an eternity of praising and arse kissing!

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          Oops! Forgot to change identities, sorry.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          LOL. Pedant/Rev

          I’m all for good conversation but after a few millennial I think I’ll long for the physical realm where a mouth could do more than just speak.

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          RAmen to that.

      • Keith says:

        I know Spiritualist movement have actually tried to debate it (in accordance with the framework of their beliefs). Their answers range from “No, you don’t need it” to “Yeah, it happens with those who haven’t made it to the higher levels.” The Hindus might mention it in their writings. Lucian describes sex in the afterlife on one of the Islands of the Blessed.

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          I just hope I haven’t been TOO good then.

    • GodFlavoredNoodles says:

      Fun Fact: Did you know the whole seventy-two virgin thing comes from a very poorly sourced part of the collected sayings of Muhammad, and not the Qur’an at all?

  2. Larry says:

    Mike needs to look up the definitoin of the word cult…every religion is cult.

  3. Caboose says:

    “you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.”


    • Junior says:

      Yeah! Screw your first amendment rights!

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      How exactly DOES one get the right to start a cult? (I say cult, since the only distinction between cults and religions appears to be the number of followers.) According to Muslims and Mormons it’s the appearance of an angel. Didn’t Captain Mosey appear before Bobby?

      • Don Dossa says:

        Religions have a beginning and an end.

        Religions begin when believers survive the death of the cult leader.
        Religions end when there are no believers. They become folklore and traditions.

        • Mal says:

          Insightful as your comment may or may not be, it didn’t actually answer the question posited.

          I guess what I’m saying is what does that have to do with the conversation? Please don’t take that as me being rude. I’m just hoping there’s some link I don’t yet see of which you can enlighten me.

        • Olio says:

          ‘Religions begin when believers survive the death of the cult leader’

          That explains why after the kool aid was finished, that one cult never got any further. Thank you for the break down.

        • Keith says:

          I guess that means Jeebus was able to further dilute the Kool Aid and still convince people that it tasted fine.

        • Olio says:

          If recall correctly, the kool aid had to do with a comet and not big J but could be wrong about that.

    • the says:

      yep. not that theirs is infinetly worse or anything

    • HisokaAyase says:

      I also like how he states, “I’m not very christian at all” twice. I was hoping he would have said it exactly the same again a 3rd time. I was disappointed when he did not…

  4. Apprentice Frederic says:

    @ The Reverend Toni R.: Just as long as you don’t have to say that to Angelina Jolie…..

  5. Sazed says:

    I joined today. May your pasta be rich and sauces filling! I honestly love everything about this, its a peaceful way to express intelligence in a secular way. I used to live in TN, which is such a hardcore religious state that it shames me to have lived there. Bills being passed their will allow bullying of anyone because of religious views. I’m glad to find and be amongst those who understand the issues of ID and teaching religion in classrooms.

    Hope to hear from you all, peace to all of course I do not hate anyone
    May His noodley appendages touch you always, RAmen

    • Atsap Revol says:

      Welcome, Brother Sazed. We are delighted that you have been touched by His noodley appendages. We look forward to your contributions of thought and humor on this site,

      Pesto be on You,

    • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

      Sazed, allow me to join Atsap in welcoming you to our community. I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say that it’s always a pleasure to see new folks joining our church thereby confirming – what we already knew of course – that His Noodlyness is reaching out and touching the world with His Noodly Appendage. Look forward to interacting with you soon.

      May the Sauce be with you.

      The Reverend

  6. Dominik says:

    Can i just say, I love how he says people need to think for themselves? Is that what is not going on here? People thinking about how we got here, why we are here, and what we are supposed to believe. No one is forcing him to believe it, but we would like him to. Did he even read his email before he sent it?

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      If everyone thought for themselves, what’s the chance that two people in this whole world would agree on the tenets of ANY religion? Would the whole snake-apple-Eve-Great Flood-Trinity-cruxifiction-resurrection thing strike any sane person as plausible?

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        All these people think it is plausible (while dismissing the crazy shit from other religions saying that THOSE are the crazy ones…) and claim their own sanity. However, isn’t the first sign of crazy saying that you are not crazy?

        • Olio says:

          I believe that’s the first rule of Fight Club.

  7. the says:

    or we could just board a pirate ship and bring strippers, im sure they’ll let us in.

  8. Peter says:

    He is right, you know … you have no right to start a cult. I mean, that would, like, imply that you have the right to say what you want and have others agree with you (or disagree with you and join your cult anyway just for the sake of argument or whatever) and all that nonsense. Everybody knows that you don’t have that right. It says so right in the Constellation or something, right??

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