You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,437 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

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  1. theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

    Why don’t you get the government to shut down Pat Robertson, who used a “charitable” organization to export African blood diamonds?

  2. Kid Northcote says:

    @ Mike: Just curious as I have a substantial amount of financial backing.

    Q: Where do you go for your Pirate ships? My agent is on holidays and I am willing to consider new sources for another vessel. Currently I have a 17th Century Dutch Frigate moored at St Kilda Marina near Melbourne, but would very much like to add a Barque or even a reasonably sturdy Pinnace to my fleet. I am willing to consider buying secondhand but will require full maintenence reports and a copy of the previous Captain’s Log.

    Also, with the strong Australian dollar, would it be better to buy direct from the United States and pay for it to be sailed over with a complimentary return airfare for the Captain and First-Mate?

    You definately seem the best man to ask and hopefully you will share your knowledge or current Pirate Vessel markets with me.

    I await your reply,

    kindest regards


    • caroline stuchlik says:

      I do not personally have a pirate ship or know where to get one. I live in Colorado, USA, which is land locked (is that one word or two??). But anyways, I think prirate ships are really cool and I am glad that you found them to be more affordable. Stay happy.

      Caroline, BSN RN, BSA

      • caroline stuchlik says:

        I also hope your agent enjoys his holydays. I love that. Austrailians talk cool.

        • Kid Northcote says:

          @ Caroline: thankyou for the compliment on our minor language idiosyncrasies (check spelling). I am willing to use the term vacation and am also partial to the word sabbatical, although holiday is the preferred description of a defined leave of absence from one’s employment down under. We also like to “chuck a sicke” for one day, generally when a public holiday falls on a Tuesday or Tursday and we are looking for the elusive 4-day weekend. We also like to chuck a sickie if there is a crucial session coming up in a current cricket match, or if FSM has offered weather we are not prepared to work in.

          @ Mike: I am disappointed at your lack of response to my request. I may have to return to the small West African nation of Liberia with my agent to browse for another Pirate Vessel. FSM helps those who help themselves.

      • Adrian says:

        Actually, it is quite easy to have a pirate ship in a landlocked state. I live in Missouri, and own a turn-of-the-century sloop which I give tours of to the homeless and let them strip in my bar. As for buying one, you should contact your local lumber mill, and they should be able to assemble it free of charge!

    • KM says:


      I am landlocked as well, but I do not see that as a major impediment to having a pirate ship in my back yard and/or driveway. I have found, however, that raising the main sail on a stationary pirate ship on a windy day only leads to major repair bills. And imagine my chagrin at finding so few listings under “Repair, Ships, Pirate” in the Yellow Pages.

  3. Thumper says:

    If you Godless heathens ever did build a pirate ship God would send a whale to swallow it…or a storm…or turn you to salt…or something…

    • nun s equator says:

      some1 i knew had a pet rabbit named thumper. he was very cuddly & quiet…

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      If god existed he would have done it already. Why would a being capable of creating everything from nothing need to wait for an opportunity to undo (‘or something’) us?

      • nun s equator says:

        by the standards thumper proposes, every time a religious person gets eaten or maimed by a mammal (surely it has happened tho i cannot cite u a particular) or drowns in a ‘god directed’ flood, etc, such judgement has been exercised? I m just trying 2 follow..

        • Danny says:

          Yep, and it’s the devil’s work when it happens to one of their clergy. :)

        • nun s equator says:

          Danny, i think some of these things, like certain drownings happen because the person with the liferaft or ark felt the drowners deserved 2 drown, or maybe not so deserving 2 b saved…not becuz of god…

    • Kid Northcote says:

      @ Thumper: Lucky for me I can just buy one. Didn’t you read what Mike wrote? They only cost a few million! Why would I bother to build one? Shipwrights and Chandlers with the necessary skills are hard to find, but a few million isn’t a lot of money anymore. You are welcome to join me for its maiden voyage after the inital re-fit. Reply to this comment if interested.

    • The Voice of Reason says:

      Has “God” ever done anything like that? I think not, and there are things alot worse than a pirate ship…

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      That’s right! When the Children’s Crusade was formed and thousands of European children thought they were going to the Middle East and achieve peace, but instead were sold into slavery, look what the Christian god did to the slave ship owners! What, nothing?? Oh, that’s right – the evil can get away with seemingly anything (look up Dr. Mengele, but don’t blame me if you can’t sleep that night) but upset the tender sensibilities of Yahweh and plagues will rain down on you…well, one book says they used to.

    • Zach says:

      U know thumper what ive alway wondered was if ur god created everything like u say why does he need people to worship him ….i mean how big is his ego?

    • Antoniabologna says:

      Thumper, what do you say to good Christians that have bad things happen to them? By your reasoning, no bad would ever happen to those people. Re-think your logic, please.

  4. Tasm10 says:


    You say “Godless heathens” as if it were a bad thing. Also the FSM would protect our pirate ships by smiting the whale with his Noodly appendage!


    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      T-10, I was hoping that Thumper was maybe being a little ironic, but maybe not. If not, we should be reminded – however obvious this is! – of what I somehow remember as being the immortal words of the original Thumper: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

  5. Graham says:

    yes, Mike, people do need to think for themselves. That is exactly why they are on here. They are thinking freely enough to be able to have some fun with a Flying Spaghetti Monster as the God of a ridiculous religion. By the way, this is even less of a Cult than Christianity due to the fact that there are absoultely NO organized assemblies that have people get together and pray for hours and talk about the “sins” they have committed.

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster just asks for you to bee a good, respectful, person. And what’s so wrong with that?

    • Josh says:

      I agree with this!!!

  6. Cacho says:

    hahah… terrible grammar… and a pirate ship with strippers and beer…. GENIOUS!

  7. Not Samuel Strickland says:

    Sometimes when I poop, water splashes up on my sack and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    • Keith says:

      The FSM is not responsible for that. If you want an explanation and a suitable word description I think you should consult Roger’s Profanisaurus.

  8. Josh says:

    This argument is invalid because you do have a right to make a religion because thats how all religions started, if he thinks people cant start their own religion then he is pretty much saying every man who made every religion did something wrong

    • Keith says:

      If he is saying that everyone who made a religion did something wrong I, for one, would be inclined to agree with him.

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