You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,448 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

  1. Kramer says:

    He should have ended with something like this: “Mike’s a consultant in the pirate ship building market”.

  2. Matt Thomas says:

    ‘I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people’. BULLSHIT. As if Christianity is based around helping. If you read the old testament you would rather get the implication it is based around anti-semetism, homphobia and retardism.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      Retardism…. lulz. You are too right. More people have died from Christianity than any other disease known to mankind.

  3. Brian Fritzen says:

    “I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people.”

    To which I quote the great founder, the one who demanded Freedom of Religion, the father of Constitution: Thomas Jefferson.

    “Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.”

    -Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782

    • Annoying History Geek says:

      Quick note- Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson was actually in France when the Constitution was written. James Madison, who wrote much of the Constitution, is the actual Father of the Constitution.

      • Brian Fritzen says:

        Indeed sir, indeed. I stand corrected. Heat of the moment type thing, you understand.

    • TominNH says:

      This is a 5 canoli answer!

  4. TiltedHorizon says:

    Mike, you appear to be weak in the deductive reasoning department which is ironic since part of your argument is predicated on people thinking for themselves. Yet here you are taking the ‘high road’ after a barely cursory review of FSM. I guess being ‘not even that christian’ is still Christian enough to be full of righteous judgment; thankfully you throw stones like a malnourished little girl.

    Q: What are we trying to do?

    A: Keep ‘Intelligent Design’ out of the Science class. If on the way a pirate ship is built or purchased and filled with strippers (men strippers too since we truly are an equal opportunity faith) and beer, all the better. It is not necessary but it would be like having your cake and eating it too. (Not the ‘the cake is a lie’ cake used in lesser religions) As a side, a pirate ship with strippers and beer is hardly stupid. If ‘Hooters’ has shown us anything, is that themes are good business.

    “I hope the government shuts you down and takes YOU’RE money.” This qualifies as one of the stupidest things I’ve heard. I am not ‘money’, I am a person, now you are just being willfully obtuse.


    • midnight_rider says:

      Associated Press: 6-7-11 The United States government, by the request of a ‘not that Christian’ web troll has shut down the Flying Spaghetti Monster website. In a bipartisan effort of both GOP and Democratic Christians, congress and President Obama, in an emergency session approved the downing of this blasphemous site. Ex-Vice-President and creator of the Internet Al Gore however has filed an appeal with the supreme court as he feels this will cause a sharp increase in the global warming effect for which he was recently debunked.

  5. Big Guy says:

    @ Matt Thomas
    the ten commandments make people and the world a better place

    the problem is cults like fsm and others who want to have their cake and eat to.

    there are consequences in life, barn yard moralities spawned by a politically correct edict where by homosexuals, pro choicer’s & female eunuchs force there perverted moralities on society is spurious.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      “[T]here are consequences in life, barn yard moralities spawned by a politically correct edict where by homosexuals, pro choicer’s & female eunuchs force [their] perverted moralities on society is spurious.”

      I believe the religious are responsible for female eunuchs, sick fucks that they are: castrating women’s genitals. An atheist would never do that.

      What the hell do you even mean? Do you just throw a bunch of words you heard once together in a group and cap it off with a period in order to call it a sentence? That phrase makes no logical sense, like most of your arguments that are not a cut and paste job.

      Are the consequences in life spurious? Or the barn yard morality? Or society? And how are they forcing their moralities exactly.

      I was going to ask you if you had read Dewey’s The Public and its Problems, but then I realized you don’t read at all. You won’t read the bible, torah or quran. You won’t read Stenger or Hitchens or Dawkins or Darwin. You won’t read Hawking. I am now convinced it is because you can’t. This would be the simplest most logical conclusion to the extent of your education. You claim an IQ of 140, but your responses show a complete lack of intelligence or grammar or anything resembling the English Language. Or intelligence for that matter. No. I firmly believe you were the first person to actually flunk the IQ test. You obviously failed Logic 101 and Critical Thinking. But to totally flub 6th grade Science Class truly takes dedication.

      • Big Guy says:

        everything you reference is an example of what men without morals do to men

        God is great & good get over it you little lost goat

        Bobby jeopardizes eternal salvation for all who follow his pathetic attempt to undermine religious teaching in schools.

        Bobby & the fsm is a sad testament to the times we live in.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          “everything you reference is an example of what men without morals do to men”

          Says the man with morals who hates woman, homosexuals, anyone not of his faith, grammar, punctuations, dictionaries, and everyone.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          Did you just state the John Dewey is an example of men without morals? Your stupidity knows no bounds.

        • Lynda says:

          I have to say that it is offending that we are referred to as lost lambs/sheep/goats whatever; we are not the ones following blindly we are the ones who are, as you’ve said, Atheists which is going against the “flock”. We don’t follow blindly, we think and lead! Also “jeopardizing eternal salvation” are you kidding… Is that really why people believe because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t and they are wrong? Is that truly belief? Would someone who created everything be happy with a gamble? That is a problem with Christianity as a whole the fact that they need fear to do right they need fear to believe and all because you are to shallow to do right because it is right and to dumb to notice all the conflicting information that your faith is based on. So please continue to close your eyes and be blind if that is what you need to do. I would be fearful if you didn’t because who knows how horrible you would be if you didn’t have your invisible boogeyman watching you all the time, especially as you don’t even listen to the teachings while believing.. Judge not! Love your fellow man! Etc.. The bible has good stuff in it don’t get me wrong but so does all the other moral based fairy tales when will you grow up and take the lesson as it is and not need to believe it is a real occurrence.

          Lynda aka Matiir

        • puppygoogoo says:

          “Bobby jeopardizes eternal salvation for all who follow his pathetic attempt to undermine religious teaching in schools.”
          Wrong. We dont care if religion is taught in schools, thats why there is religious education classes. As religion cannot be proven using SCIENTIFIC METHOD, then it cannot and should not be taught in SCIENCE classes. Does this make things clearer or are you still hoping and praying that god will somwehow prove us wrong and send us to the VIP section of hell, where we will enjoy cake.


          p.s. if im wasting my time with the ‘truth’ Big Guy please let me know.

        • StJason says:

          Trolls live on conflict. Please do not feed the troll.

        • Satanist says:

          I worship Lucifer our Lord! What do you say to that BG

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      People like you think they are not contributing to the world’s problems when in fact they are the primary contributors.

      You should be demanding that any priest who molests a child be sent to jail instead of being sent to another parish:

      You should be livid because needs of adoptive & foster children are being ignored by the faithful:

      The Church actually has the power to help, look what it spends time on instead. Where is the morality here?

      • Big Guy says:

        Small samples of the big picture misused by you and other atheist on this site to disparage religion.

        Again TH your spurious references are just an example of what men have done to men in the name of religion.
        It’s isn’t God’s plan for us.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Small? By religious definition they should not exist. As long as it does religion disparages itself. How are you correcting it? By ignoring it no doubt, just as you always do. I am sure those who are affected don’t feel their problems are ‘small’. Just another dismissive by a loving christian.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          The other atheist is ME! Wooohoooo! I thought there were more here, but alas, I guess it is just Tilted and me.

        • puppygoogoo says:

          Big Guy’s word of the week: Spurious.


        • TiltedHorizon says:


          “Spurious” Is Biggy’s word of the week every week. Almost as much as “odious”, “blaspheme”, “chide”, “vitriol” and “wank”. I’m starting a collection to buy him a thesaurus and hemorrhoid cream.

        • StJason says:

          Please do not feed the tedious troll.

        • Me says:

          If the bible is literal truth then over half the population on the world would have to be murdered!!!! And you say god is loving

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Yeah, Big Guy is right. Christians are paragons of virtue – like that fundie preacher Ted Haggard who used funds from his ministry on male hookers and crystal meth.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        That must be what Biggy meant by man doing things to man.

    • Doug Morgan says:

      Someone brought cake? Where? Dang! I’m always the last to know these things.

      • opiesysco says:

        Cake is for those of us that reserved the VIP room in hell.
        We get cake!!

    • StJason says:

      Please do not feed the troll.

    • midnight_rider says:

      Levitus 17:1, Thou shalt have thy cake, but thou shalt NOT partake of it.

    • hotclaws says:

      The Crusades,lol

  6. Big Guy says:

    Mike the way to beat these odious monsters is to play there game better than they do. I have more postings even if they get sent to gray purgatory than any one of these sick thread masters and it’s there site. Bobby there supreme founder is one sick atheistic puppy who wanted to grind his personal ax his spurious effort bring force his barn yard moralities on everyone.

    Booby we all live in a Judea Christian world get over it. The moral majority love to wish people Merry Christmas under a Christmas tree, and God will remain in our schools & public buildings. Atheist will never be allowed to force there anti Christan will on good God fearing men & woman. It just won’t happen Bobby. So keep typing your odious chide and may god bless you and forgive you for mis leading the few lost sheep who follow you.

    from the one & only Big Guy

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      ROFLMAO! I really can’t tell if this is POE’s Law in action or not! ;-P I am laughing my ass off over here because, I think it is POE but this could actually be the one and only idiot. And I already responded to you earlier about the lawsuits and I think that was POE too. This is too funny. OMFSM!

      • Big Guy says:

        your the only idiot here Brian.

        God bless you and forgive you & Bobby

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          The start of a sentence is capitalized. Free up your wanking hand, just for a quick second, and hold the shift key.

        • Doug Morgan says:

          Brian’s the only idiot here? What am I? Chopped liver?

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          Idiot? I am an idiot. Hmm…. Being called an idiot by someone who can’t read. Let me ask you:

          What is your highest level of mythical education? And what is your highest level of actual education.

        • Big Guy says:

          I hold a Masters Degree in Wankology, graduated sum-cum-loudly, the highest honor a wanker can achieve. I am currently working on my first book, Milking the Prostate for Dummies. For some reason the editor keeps sending my drafts back citing lack of punctuation, grammar, and plagiarism. May the Lard forgive his blaspheme.

        • puppygoogoo says:

          @ Brian,

          My guess is :
          highest level of mythical education – 3rd level Orc wizard
          highest level of actual education – struggling to pass 1st grade.


      • tekHedd says:

        Invoking Poe’s law. I’m almost tempted to look and see what he said this time.


    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Biggie: “I have more postings”

      Oh. So quality, not quality is the plan. This is the problem with religion, all fluff, no substance. Why should anyone take you seriously when your faith reflects no effort?

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      “Booby we all live in a Judea Christian world”.
      Well, you think that because you’ve build your own little world, Biggie. In the REAL world, maybe 30% do.

      • Big Guy says:

        2.1 billion

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Why do you count them when you hate most of them by considering them not real Christians?

        • wulff says:

          The supposed 2.1 billion x-tians live in an x-tian world. The Jews live in a Judeo-centric world. The Muslims live in an Islamic world. The (over 1-billion in India alone) Hindus live in a world that will grant ANY divinity a place in their pantheon, including your Zombie Jeebus.

          We atheists live EVERYWHERE.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Latest official current world population estimate, for mid-year 2010, is estimated at 6,852,472,823.
          OK, 30.6% and shrinking, genius. Close enough for you?

      • JK says:

        Personally I know more athiests than religious people

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Lol! “Judea”, you meant Judeo right? Of which represents only 30 % of the world. Only a fuddie would think that makes them the majority.

      • Big Guy says:

        in the US pal you and your ilk are the minority we are the majority by a mile

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Not for too much longer. More and more people are seeing your version of religion as being exactly what it is: Empty. You have only yourself to thank by being such an worthless human being. Let me rephrase that, you are not completely worthless, you provide all the examples of wrongs men do to their fellow man.

          May the FSM bless you with a touch of his noodly appendage.

        • puppygoogoo says:

          “in the US pal you and your ilk are the minority we are the majority by a mile”
          does that mean everyone standing in a line you would cover more distance?


          p.s. not everyone here is from the US.

        • Steve says:

          “p.s. not everyone here is from the US.”

          I was just thinking that, I live in Uruguay.
          Random facts:
          Over here we have church-state separation since 1919.
          And religion has not been thaught in public schools since the approval of a law in 1877.

          Unconfirmed quote:
          “Se considera que Uruguay es el país más secular de los hemisferios occidentales y meridionales.”
          English: “Uruguay is considered the most secular country in the western and meridional hemispheres”.

          So I guess not everything is wrong down here in the “third world”.

      • TimmyAnn says:

        Unless he means The People’s Front of Judea…or are we The Judean People’s Front? I always forget. (Monty Python reference in case anyone doesn’t recognize it. HaHaHa)

      • stopfeedingblisterfingers says:

        Stop feeding blister fingers!

    • I'm Brian and so's my wife. says:

      It’s THEIR for f-ck’s sake. THEIR site. THEIR game. Belonging to THEM. Christ, it’s hard enough reading your interminable bull5hit without constant grammatical errors.

      • Bigslicka says:

        I fell your pain brother. I feel your pain.

        • Bigslicka says:

          I whent to the same shcool as Big Guy, hence my outstanding spellings. But my IQ is 139 so, I got that goin’ for me. Whitch is nice.

    • puppygoogoo says:

      “Booby we all live in a Judea Christian world get over it” Muslims and Jews dont. Atheists would rather not but we all have our crosses to bear. Right Big Guy? Also please consult an educated person about the use of the following words:
      1. there,
      2. their, and
      3. they’re.
      Once you have mastered these we can move onto 2 syllable words.


    • Jayde says:

      Judea Christian world? When did this happen?

      The world is multicultural and multi-faith, full of very different people with different views on life and religion If you don’t like it, GET OFF OUR PLANET!

    • StJason says:

      Please do not feed the odious troll.

    • midnight_rider says:

      Too many of his favorite words to be the real BG. I bet the faker got me with the lawsuit one…lol

    • Spammyboy says:

      Classic fundie mistake of assuming that, since a lot of people follow an approximation of his religion, they all agree with him.
      Also, Christmas trees are pretty much pagan festival of lights through and through, just like most things we associate with Christmas

    • Me says:

      Actually Christianity is getting less popular and atheism is growing

  7. Big Guy says:

    This is just a little note for any Good Christians who may find there way to this form. Please read my many posts (you will have to retrieve most of them from gray purgatory). i have revealed the high standards of logic, morality, spelling and grammar by which we Christians live.

    These filthy barnyard pastafarians dare to question my superior mentality and the parts of my Lard’s Holy Bible that describe God’s cruelty, jealousy, and murder of innosents. You must believe that everything in the Bible is absolutely TRUE. If it wasn’t, God wouldn’t have put it in there. Of coarse the story of Noah’s Arc is true, nevermind how Noah crammed all billion-or-so species of different animals in his bote (including of coarse those big dinosaurs since they weren’t extinct yet).

    And what a bitch it was to get those kangaroos and other marsoupials rounded up in Australia and then to get them back there again after the flood subcided.

    Your best approach to swallowing the Bible tales is to not read them. Also do not study science books. When DNA and genetics is covered in Biology class, put your fingers in your ears and go NA-NA-NA-NA-NAH. Even better, homeschool your kids so that they won’t be exposed to such disgusting atheistic ideas.

    For supplemental reading, i suggest Mother Goose’s Nursery Rhymes or the Wizard of OZ. Praktice my High and Holy standards, and you too may achieve salivation.

    The One and Only Real Big Guy

    • lolhoofd says:

      that woud infact the good few cristians thaty dont troll us and oly read
      we dont need more big boys

    • Rocketsauce says:

      Too obvious fake to even be slightly credible…

      Why do you even fake it? He’s making a fool out of himself just fine without any help. Don’t bother :)

      • Mal says:

        Why are you responding to something that was handled months ago?

    • Me says:

      My ‘lards’ holy bible

      That shows a very high standard of spelling

  8. Big Guy says:

    As everyone knows, what I am really good at it is empty threats. First I threatened to get the site shut down by google police. Until he himself showed up here and was about to arrest me. Now I am threatening you with legal action. Who knows what I may pull out of my ass tomorrow.
    Which shouldn’t be a surprise. I follow a religion that is all about empty promises and threats, remember?

    • lolhoofd says:

      keep anyting that comes from “the place were is no light shines” there

Leave a Reply