You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)

Published June 5th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You are a fraud. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this site makes me sick. you have no right to start a religion or should i say cult.  People need to think for themselves they dont need to listen to your nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do? make money and buy a pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer?  That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.

Suck it,


1,435 Responses to “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron (hate-mail)”

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  1. SillyKiwiMan says:


    Is it just me or are people getting dumber?

    Oh, and I love that this poster isn’t “that” christian. One thing’s for certain, they’re not “that” literate.


    • opiesysco says:

      No, it’s not just you. People are just plain stupid.
      I liked Bill Maher’s comment the other day: “Anyone can be President of this dumb fucking country”.
      I didn’t know we were trying to build a pirate ship full of strippers and beer. I thought that was heaven. Was I misinformed?
      Or is it meant to be “Heaven on the high seas” Arrrrrrrrr

      • Doug Morgan says:

        I think this is to what the heathen was referring…

        Source: Craig, Katleen (December 22, 2005). “Passion of the Spaghetti Monster”. Wired News
        Now Henderson — a 25-year-old physics graduate — has banked a reported $80,000 advance for the still unfinished The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, scheduled for publication in March. He isn’t talking much publicly while he writes, but he took time for an exclusive conversation with Wired News about the Gospel, a future influenced by intelligent design and his plans to build a pirate ship to convert heathens.

        Why even build the ship when one can get inside the head of these ass hats simply by SAYING it? May His heavenly sauce of bounty be ladled upon our Prophet for his tireless efforts in bringing the world into the one, true religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! PBFSM.

        • Shane says:

          Pirate ships aren’t that expensive, look at the Somali pirates, basically fishing boats with larger motors, it’s attitude.

        • Alphy says:


          “with FSM nothing is impossible”. dats whut the bibbull sayz! Keeng Jayms vurzun of kors. De only tru bibbull

    • Doug Morgan says:

      It is a scientific fact that a degradation in a society’s collective sense of humor is directly proportional to dumb-assness.

      • opiesysco says:

        Is it dumb-assness, or assclownery?

        • Doug Morgan says:

          Or RCI (rectal-cranial inversion)?

        • Doug Morgan says:

          …but the more I think about, I’m really likin’ “assclownery”. Yep. I’m going with that. Thanks, opie.

        • Metal Head says:

          I’ve never seen anyone other than myself use the term “assclownery”. (I thought I invented it, lol)

          Where did you pick that one up?

        • opiesysco says:

          While in Iraq we had a drawing of an assclown in our office. It’s logo was, ” Welcome to ACU (Assclown University) Let the Assclownery begin”
          Assclowns are big in the defense contracting world.

        • Metal Head says:

          ACU = Ass-Clown University

          Too funny, bro.

          I guess it was very unlikely for me to have had an original thought…

    • TimmyAnn says:

      Have you ever seen Mike Judge’s movie “Idiocracy”? It’s a comedy and yet it’s sort of scary! HaHaHa

      • Quentin Robert DeNameland says:

        I believe “Idiocracy” should be seen by anyone with a triple-digit I.Q. It’s as funny as Office Space (another one by Mike), but contains certain elements of truth – if we don’t change our ways, I’m afraid we are doomed to realize its prophetic and very dismal outcome.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Shame really. I had a vasectomy, and one of the major reasons is that I didn’t want to raise children in a world so polluted by stupidity. I realise the irony of this, perhaps I should’ve bred as much as humanly possible, in an attempt to rectify things. (not that I’m particularly promoting myself as a good candidate for the future of humanity. Just ask the wife…)

          Idiocracy makes so many points that hit close to the mark. The favourite TV show in the future being “Ow, my balls!” being one. Although, I might watch it myself…

        • Omnipotent Zombie says:

          One should see Bill Maher’s “Religulous”. Even though it is more entertainment than documentary; I’d recomend it to anybody, religious or not. (Assuming you are OK with Bill Maher’s brand of comedy)

        • Matt says:

          Not entirely true. Idiocracy while hilarious doesnt accurately dipict our future. I think you will find that the IQ of the human race has remained relatively unchanged as long as they have been recorded. With one exception that literacy and numeracy levels are much higher in the developed world then they have ever been. But an IQ has little to do with literacy or numeracy. I think we will be safe. And while we keep building on existing technology we will only keep going forward. Unless we forget how to re-produce the initial technology???

          – Gaterade its what plants crave.

        • Keith says:

          I’ve recommended this before as reading material and it seems fairly appropriate to mention it here: try reading “The Marching Morons” by Cyril Kornbluth. He wrote other stories set in the same ethos. It paints a bleak picture of the future of humanity. Some of the elements of the story are painfully evident in today’s society.

        • Gnostradamus says:

          I had actual conversations that went like this:

          There were never dragons.
          Weren’t dinosaurs dragons?
          Er, no.


          It has … electrolytes.
          What are electrolytes?
          I don’t know.

    • Roy C says:

      If you want to buy a Pirate ship and fill it with strippers and beer, I’m in…

      • Suckmyballs Russell says:

        All you want from your afterlife is to get wasted and have sex?
        Fuck you, suckmyballs russell

        • Keith says:

          So what do you want in the afterlife, Russell? To sit on a cloud forever strumming on a harp? Or do you want to rape 72 virgins in paradise?

      • Anonymous passing by says:

        I’m game if there are some male strippers.

        • The stranger says:

          Actually, there are. They’re just invisible to non-homo guys.

    • Common Steak vv^^ says:

      No no, people are getting dumber. Besides if Cartman can become Fatbeard and have a ship, why not us?
      Hey, when the ship is ready, how do we get invited?

      • Alphy says:

        Geezuz will send down the tooth fairy and mother goose to guide us. By the way BYOB. Oops, I forgot, it’s a sin to drink. Can’t go. But it’s not a sin to teach hate in the name of “family values” and beat your children for saying “shit”.

        Shit Fuck and more Shit, Yeah!

    • Alphy says:

      One thing is certain. These people who are not “that” christian are only to eager to be offended. But soon Geezuz will cum and they will be raptured up out of this offensive world and all of us Jews, atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, Catholics and homosexuals will be left behind. And; that is just what I want to be, left behind. Who wants to hang in the clouds with that crowd of self-righteous assholes anyway? I am going to stay right here on earth and eat the devine pasta of my beloved FSM!

    • Anonymous says:

      “People need to think for themselves”… Which apparently means nobody’s allowed to tell them that they can worship something besides the poster’s religion.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        Right. People can think for themselves as long as they come up the same, inane scenario as our poor little idiot. I mean, Jewish zombies who are their own fathers and are born in order to satisfy their own blood lust/hurt pride by being tortured and killed are perfectly logical, right?

  2. Joe says:

    “You will never have a pirate ship they cost millions moron.”


    • Brian Fritzen says:

      Indeed. Since pirates usually steal the ships, they tend to cost nothing.

      • lolhoofd says:

        how can a stolen ship full of beer and stripers be somting bad?
        realy… all fun stuff combined


        • Jakob says:

          what about toilets.

      • Bodie Saht Vah says:


        • Harold Poseidon says:

          Toilets? No prob. I got this: I have experience with marine and RV toilets. For beers and strippers, I will be the Bowel Master.

          BTW, I brew my own beer, too. Maybe I can also be a brew master?

          I can even cook with limited resourceses – my coworkers call me Gordon Ramsey when I’m whipping up something in my cubicle!

          OMN* I totally want to be on this ship!!

          *Oh My Noodliness

      • sebastyon says:

        good point brian

  3. StJason says:

    …yeah. I could point out that those megachurches popping up everywhere like mushrooms don’t build themselves. Or mention that the Catholic church owns it’s own country. But you know what? Trollboy Mike here didn’t bother to read. Like most fundies, he sees something and reacts without bothering to gather information.

    I can’t wait for Big Dolt to show up for this one. (<==Sarcasm. I have to point these things out because of the nature of the commenter-trolls we get around here.

    • Dionaea says:

      I completely agree. And I also believe that in most western countries we have the constitutional right to believe whatever the hell we want :D So who is he to deny us our beer and stripper filled pirate ship >:(

    • Lioss says:

      Its own country and bank.A real big fiscal eden.

    • Ppenguinator says:

      I, for one, think the Catholics are on to a good thing. Anyone here want to join me in starting our own country?

      • lolhoofd says:

        a island woud be beter , ofc with a big harbor , lots of beer and stripers
        maybe a inactef vulcano


        • Cardinal Fang says:

          I vote for the Federated States of Micronesia. Nice climate and the initials are right


      • Warrior Meatball says:

        It would be an island with a Pastafarian church, a school where kids are taught intelligent falling, and a bar with strippers and a thing that looks like a volcano and shoots beer.

    • Warrior Meatball says:

      Even the 7th day adventists have a country, the least populated country in the world called the Pitcairn Islands, 100% of the population is 7th day adventist because some shitty missionaries went there and converted everyone.

  4. stylusmobilus says:

    Not that Christian? My guess is you are probably not that intelligent either. And, yes, we will, moron. Get the ship, that is.

    • Teddy says:


  5. Bhevarri says:


  6. Mal says:

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I have a personal commitment to fund and manage a luxury airship travel agency before I’m too old to ride one. If this indeed happens, the Prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will have his own ship. And a buccaneer crew, to boot.

  7. Tracy says:

    I’m trying to keep in the spirit of the truly ‘faithful’ and not research too much into my religion’s identified belief system, so I’m hoping somebody will just tell me so I can blindly believe. Are we really trying to buy a pirate ship? That would be awesome! But couldn’t we just steal one from a Somoli? Isn’t that what pirates do best? Steal other people’s stuff. Oh! Speaking of stealing other people’s stuff! We should build one that’s big enough for 2 of every species of animal. That’s totally doable!

    • Runiat says:

      STEAL ONE!?
      Are you crazy? Pirates don’t steal! This is evil slander spread about us by competing religions over the centuries. Pirates sing and drink grog, we’re the good guys!

      • lolhoofd says:

        we just borow it until we find a beter one

    • stylusmobilus says:

      Cuuue…nevarrrr, me matey, such scurrrvy rid’un rat plag’er’d shyppes they be, fit fer Davy Jones lockarrr yarrrh!

      • Anonymous the Pastafarian says:

        Cuuue…nevarrrr, me matey, such scurrrvy rid’un rat plag’er’d shyppes they be (drinks another swig of “grog”)Argh, what were me saying?

    • Doug Morgan says:

      Tracy, see my reply above regarding the buy/build a pirate ship issue. RAmen, sister.

  8. rhonan says:

    His ignorance knows no bounds. First off, most of the pirate ships have historically been rather modest in size, so it would not be that hard to build a suitable pirate ship. Then again, since he doesn’t get that thinking for one’s self and being reality based is what this is all about, I’m not really expecting much from him.

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