I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,186 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

  1. Kekka says:

    A local Australian paper included an article about our pasta friend. The word is spreading!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Welcome back, Kekka. The FSM is mentioned frequently around the World.

  2. Robert Jansen says:

    I find something conspicuously lacking from most discussions which revolve around the issues of organized religion: the lack of anything approaching paradigm case analysis (with possible apologies to the Jesuits, who come as close as anyone but no cigar). Therefore, I propose that the ardent believers of any and every religion ever invented by man (as were they all) address the disconnect between traditional religion and modern science.

    Let us begin with a recognition that every religion every invented (with the possible exception of scientology and, of course, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) predates the invention and development of the scientific method. More importantly, most have their roots in preliterate societies. Why do said religions find it necessary to dispute the verifiable, repeatable and predictable findings of science? Is it because science works?
    Sorry, but the earth is not flat, does not reside immovable in the center of the Universe, is not in the center of the solar system, and was not created in 6 days. Whether its ardent believers accept it or not, unless a religion is able to reconcile itself with science it fails the test of rationality. None of the precepts of most organized religions is amenable to any sort of rational analysis whatsoever. More specifically, anything that an organized religion requires of me to be accepted on faith can be rejected on lack of faith. Skepticism (beginning with Descartes, if you must, who is generally recognized as the first modern philosopher) works better in the long run than blind obedience.

    Science works, and where it intrudes upon the territory claimed by organized religion, religion must give way.

    If we somehow waved a magic want and made all religious disappear overnight (I’m inclined to make exceptions for the Taoists and Pastafarians), would any of them (in exact or similar forms) come into existence? I think not.

    • Keith says:

      The Mormons were also founded after the introduction of the scientific method and they are also totally off the planet.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Robert, don’t forget to exempt Rastafarians as well.
      I sometimes ponder whether to adjust Descartes to use a reflective past tense: ‘I thought, therefore, I think I am’. Either way, he establishes the axiom to use logical thought.
      ‘Faith’ has been both intentionally mistranslated (the Hebrew word should translate as ‘been persuaded’) and commodified by religionists. It takes blind faith to reject science, thus, the more bizarre a claim is, the more faith is required to believe it.

  3. Excelsior says:

    Marx said religion is the opium of the masses, however, he usherred in an even more powerful religion. Stalin created the religion of Stalinism where he himself was God and anyone who didn’t worship him was banished to hell (the Gulags). Communism was heaven and Trotski was Satan! However, he didn’t kill off as many people as God did who wiped out the whole human race in a Great Flood!
    Today, God is in North Korea!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      AF, if religion is the opium of the Masses, it seems to be the crack of the Political Classes, who get excited by their power and control over them.
      I was stopped in the street by Jehovah’s Witnesses last week. After a detailed comparison of the track record of their God versus their Satan, I said it would be immoral to not vote for Satan.

  4. Captain Birdseye says:

    … it’s immoral to only do good out of fear of punishent and promise of reward. Their God should be ashamed of himself and shunned for his appalling behaviour.
    I hope they’re at the same place next week.

  5. Excelsior says:

    The Fundies say that Atheists have no after-life so there is no meaning to their existence. However, I feel sorry for the Fundies with an after-life since they have to spend the whole of this life buying a ticket to heaven! I honor only those persons who fight for human rights or saving human lives like Fleming who saved at least 100 million lives!

  6. Excelsior says:

    Clarification of above post.
    Those that believe in an after-life and spend their whole real-life getting a ticket to the after-life for themselves are the most selfish people.
    We should honor those heros like Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson who spent their lives fighting for human rights. Perhaps the most famous battle call was “All men were created equal” by Jefferson.
    Then we should honor those heros who saved the lives of hundreds of millions of people like Edward Jenner who found the cure for small pox and Alexander Fleming who discovered penicillin!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Shame that the Pope didn’t allow birth control at the same time.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        AF, Americans should always remember how they provided small pox-infected blankets to their First Nation peoples. Was that before or after immunisation was discovered?

        • Jem says:


          Fuck outta here with that Anti-American bullshit. Yes, early Americans did horrible things to secure this nation, we are human and imperfect. Like slavery, it was a hundred-plus years ago, get the fuck over it. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else, and it’s offensive to hold modern Americans accountable for shit that happened in the 19th century. Grow up, Peter Pan.


        • Captain Birdseye says:

          ‘Secure this nation’….? You mean take it, whilst bashing a Bible? Very human. Sounds just like Israel.
          I think you should read up on your own history, especially the bits you don’t seem to like, and watch out for any repeats.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          …and you’re very welcome to be offended.

        • Alphy says:

          The passage of time does not mitigate or justify the abuses, evils and injustices of the past except in the minds of tyrants and psychopaths. Neither does religious ignorance stupidity and bigotry. Yes, Captain Birdseye, you are right we need to remember and learn from history. Those who choose not to learn from history and continue to cloak themselves in ignorance and religious self righteousness will only continue to perpetuate and repeat the evils and injustices of the past.

  7. Excelsior says:

    Cap’n B,
    Jenner invented small pox immunization in England in May 1796. When did the Americans infect the Indians? Did they do it on purpose or were they just ignorant like they are today!

    • Keith says:

      Jenner advocated a safer way of inoculating people against smallpox. Surprisingly, the witch hanging Cotton Mather was advocating inoculation in the early 1720’s. They used a different technique then, by introducing a mild form of the disease from the puss or skin of people who survived. This method was used in India and China long before it was used in Europe.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Keith, I’m interested in how interventions often have the opposite outcome to intended, such as killing the cats during the Black Death. In this case, shunning the surviving small pox victims, tragically, missed the opportunity for gaining immunity.

        • Keith says:

          By the time I was six years old I had Measles, Mumps, Chicken Pox and peritonitis. I survived all of them (obviously), except chicken pox left some heavy calcification on my lungs. In the 1950’s it was normal for kids to get exposed to these things. The families shrugged and got on with their lives.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Keith, didn’t they used to hold ‘pox parties’, where a load of kids were confined together to share an infection?
          Apparently, the top soil in Africa still contains spores of archaebacteria and viruses that afflicted dinosaurs. Whilst they cannot cause diseases in humans, exposure to them trains the immune system to not develop allergies and asthma. In defiance of food regulations, kids’ meals should be sprinkled with African dirt.

        • Keith says:

          I’ve heard about the “pox parties” but that is not how I got mine, and I don’t think it was something that people where I lived got into. South Park did an episode about that if I remember correctly. I do personally believe that the modern obsession with cleanliness does not help kids develop a proper immune system.

        • Keith says:

          PS: Interesting about the bacteria spores. No doubt some fundies would argue that this is evidence of a young Earth. I started reading a library book last year about diseases in prehistoric times. Most of it concerned dinosaur diseases and started off with a lurid description of dinosaurs slowly dying beside a water hole. It was both fascinating and revolting at the same time. There are quite a few modern diseases that have stood the test of time. Symptoms of avian osteopetrosis has been found in dinosaurs.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Keith, about half of our DNA is non-functioning virus fragments, which is the fossilised history of our ancestors’ serious infections. Creationists cannot explain it. In particular, there is no ‘missing link’.

  8. Captain Birdseye says:

    Excelsior, I believe the handing out of infected blankets was intentional, but, that might be propaganda and I was hoping for correction.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      ….. it sounds like the sort of health program that Trump would devise for the poor, to reduce insurance costs.

      • Jem says:


        Please, will you tell us what nation you hail from? I’ll gladly find an atrocity from centuries past to craft an offensive narrative against your people.


        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Don’t worry, Jem, I’m from a country that also attempted to exterminate its indigenous people (including poison, disease and ‘hunting licences’) whom I work with and advocate for.
          We should all should be reminded of that despicable behaviour, especially, as some Governments still use similar tactics when people are in the way of their nationalistic fantasies, frequently, religiously driven (Dominion, etc.).

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