I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,179 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  5. Steph says:

    How many times have we seen a Christian capable of maintaining a calm demeanor while discussing religion? Although I was raised in a Christian household, have a pastor in the family, and my grandparents were missionaries, I am blessed by the sauce now.
    I would love to see every Christian learn about how facts work, how too many religions are wrong if any one of them is right for this to even make sense. But the reality is that not everyone gets to go to college. After years of pounding the cement in the name of God I am finally free. I am hoping for the same for you. Please do some research and find facts about how the world came to be, before someone else is enslaved by religion.

    -a concerned woman FOR america
    (may the sauce be with you)

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Welcome to the real world, Steph.

    • Person says:

      Talks about Christians needing to accept facts. Worships a flying ball of spaghetti and meatballs. WOW.

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        It’s called the “about” tab, asshat.

  6. Steph says:

    you ruined the whole letter with the profanity at the end. Just a thought, just because you are not a christian does not mean you appriciate foul language.

  7. The Dude says:

    To loosely quote myself, “Austin seems to be a real reactionary.” After sticking to a strict regiment of drugs and alcohol, to keep my mind limber, I have been able to process El Austerino’s diatribe (a long inhale followed by a few short ones and finally some coughs and giggles). Thinly veiled righteous indignation is a common reaction when a religious debaters run out of legitimate counter points. I appreciate the inclusion, by Sir Austin, of the definition of mocking, though he (for lack of context, I will assume Austin is a he. My sincerest apologies if she is not.) seems to have excluded derisive from his definition. Whether intentional or just because he is unfamiliar with the term, the word derisive elucidates the malicious intent of the word mocking. After perusing the FSM site, I have noticed the distinct lack of malice. This makes me think that The Auster’s inference might have been diluted by an agenda to discredit or devalue. Might I introduce an alternate definition to His Austiness?

    noun: satire

    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Although both of these terms are means to similar ends, satire lacks the malice that would make it less palatable and therefore not funny. I extend an olive branch, or rather the bud of another branch to meditate on WWJD when responding to Jewish leaders’ claims of blasphemy. There certainly was no request to copulate as a salutation, or uses of expletives to represent disdain.
    There is not enough vodka in this wold to keep my attention long enough to go through this essay line by line and deconstruct the verbiage, so the last point i would like to pose is contradiction. Contradiction seems to be a cornerstone of FSM and in this way The Auster’s rant falls in line with FSM (non)doctrine. El Austerino’s exposition is afoul with contradiction, my favorite being: “I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot …”

    I feel sobriety nipping at my heels, so I must wrap this up.
    As a pacifist, I will return your salutation with a go fuck yourself. Trust me, its relaxing.

    -Dude out

  8. The Dude says:

    As a footnote. I would like to clarify that I meant my salutation in the most literal sense. I also suggest the use of lotion as you don’t want your little dude to look like you threw him out of a moving car.

    • The Dude says:

      Sorry, forgot to site Brian Posehn for that last one.

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