I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,179 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. EhEhRon says:

    Excellent point, I suppose I could have used better judgement in my classification of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  2. Matt says:

    The author of this piece of hate mail is dead wrong when he (or she) states that atheism is a belief system in the same way that Christianity or any other religion is. Atheism is simply the acknowledgment that there is no empirical evidence or sound logical argument demonstrating the truth of any of the world’s religions. Religions are a belief system in the sense that they require adherents to believe propositions for which there is no empirical evidence. Atheism does not require any such thing. It is merely the rejection of propositions that are unsupported by evidence. Astrology is a belief system; not believing in astrology because there is no evidence to support it is not a belief system. Atheism does not require you to believe in any specific propositions. In my view, atheism does not even require you to believe that there is no creator, it merely requires you to admit that there is no empirical evidence of the existence of a creator and thus no good reason to believe in one. I knew that reading this hate mail section would make me nauseous, I don’t know why I did it.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Perhaps, to refine your view, Matt. Another suggested that not collecting stamps is not a hobby. I argue the ‘default position’ of complete ignorance and ask if they were actually there and saw the noodle of the FSM guide the hands of the scribes.
      One problem with faith seems to be its apparent commodification by theists: the more absurd the propositions become, the more faith is required to believe, and is thus good.


      • Rev. Linguine says:

        I like the one about not collecting stamps is not a hobby. Let me just add that, apart from there being “no empirical evidence or sound logical argument demonstrating the truth of any of the world’s religions” there is even nothing to suggest the existence of a supreme being. The world is exactly as one would expect in the absence of a God.

        • Liptonius says:

          “The world is exactly as one would expect in the absence of a God.”

          I must disagree.

          Raised from childhood in a traditional WASP household, the requisite attendance at Sunday School, Church, Prayer meetings on Wednesday and miscellaneous things “good for one’s soul” were as predictable and expected as the sun ‘rising in the east’.

          It was a shock when I made a friend of a Jewish boy in my Cub Scout Troop.

          My mother cleared up the differences while on the phone, stirring a pot of something-for-dinner, and holding newest son. “Same God… Different Phone”, said she… and wiser words have not been spoke since “toasters do NOT belong in the bath!”

          It was not until I was holding a newly-minted driver’s license and sent to pick up my father, whose vehicle had gone belly up that I found faith.

          Football practice over, lunch in the distant past, I charged from our suburb in Arlington, VA. to the hospital in Bethesda, MD. Making great time, I was nearly 30 minutes early and, to keep death from my very fragile 256lb. frame, I stopped at a deli for a small cow, or perhaps a pair of large chickens, I hoped.

          A Jewish Deli.

          Apparently a “ham and cheese with mayo and the works” is not a staple in these dens, and, when the silence passed, I was gently urged to “try the pastrami… No! A Reuben! Special!”

          I sat. It came with something called ‘Cel-Ray Tonic’ in a big, ice-filled glass, a pickle the size of a late-summer zucchini.

          This Sandwich was a work of art that lives in my memory to this day.

          The crisp fragrance of the caraway-laden slabs of toasted rye. The Swiss cheese, melty, pungent and so bitter it bit at my upper palate gave me new respect “that cheese with holes” that would lead to my eminence in fondues later.

          But the salty, peppery deliciously warm and juicy slice after slice of pastrami with just a bit of fat around the edges was an experience I will treasure and revere as much as I treasure some presonal training I received when a young man from a lovely and loving mature woman who showed me, ummm, and, I found that ah… um… well, ah, see. Ladies like some gentle,… ah, and the gentle application of the lips and tongue upon… oh, damn

          Well! That crashed and burned. Nevermind!

          I found my faith.

          If I were able to photosynthesize, suck nutrients from a soup of warm earth and bugs and whatnot, I might believe that there is no God.

          The joy, the pleasure, the tear-inducing combinations of crispy, soft, salty, tangy sauerkraut and the incredible wash of whatever Cel-Ray Tonic is…

          There is a God. He loves us and wants us to be happy.

          All of the buildings, books, my-prophet-rules-your-prophet-drools, and ranting from pulpits… (what is a ‘pulpit’, anyway? Can we make them illegal? Stand up where I can nail you with a turnip if you’re a jerk!)

          No. This world is created by a Deli-Loving God who will come and provide pickles for all and Cel-Ray Tonic for all, and Rev. Linguine: “The world is exactly as one would expect in the absence of a God.”

          Is completely wrong.

          The Rueben Sandwich, oral sex, cold beer, soft kittens, pretty girls, convertibles with stupidly powerful engines, your favorite jeans, and trillions of other things are, if not proof, certainly stern evidence that this isn’t some dead-end fantasy for the gloomy and sad.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Liptonius, there is no doubt that one may experience joy in life; however, that means nothing more than finding joy in life, which is hardly supernatural. It is more likely that the FSM provides your simple pleasures.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          So true, Captain. Despite my occasional snarkyness, I’m generally a happy guy, and I owe gratitude to no imaginary friend. When you realize YOU’re in control of your life you can take steps to make it better. Next time you bite into a sandwich, you might ask yourself how an absent creator contributes to the experience, and how you would know the difference.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          I enjoy the freedom offered by non-belief. I can enjoy something for its own sake, without the need to give thanks or feel guilty. I actually derive great pleasure in appreciating the science behind things, although Wifey tells me that that’s a little sad.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          I don’t think it matters how one derives good feelings, but, I find it curious that, without objective evidence, some people attribute their personal pleasures as provided by some deity. The World seemed a more gifted place while I believed in Santa.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Matt, it is easy to agree with your definition – which I do – but it needs to be said that there is a range of positions and definitions. The old Soviets sponsored an organization called the League of the Militant Godless, and they were *really* exercised about the need to expunge religion from their state. It probably had more to do with political power than with any particular philosophical position re the existence or nonexistence of a Supreme Being. (But then, the same likely true of whatever bad-tempered rabbis wrote Exodus….) My litmus test would be how pissed the atheist gets at the suggestion that he believes, rather than steadfastly and calmly holding to a coldblooded agnosticism. It would be good to remember that W. C. Fields, a great thinker of yesteryear, is supposed to have said: “Every man must believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.”

  3. Krackus2001 says:

    I see the “Fine chine teapot orbiting the sun,” argument quite often and though I agree with the general point made through that argument. I feel that it is quite often misused. In that most often used to try to disprove religion in general. The original use of it was the burden of proof lies on the one claiming something not yet proven and that they cannot expect other to believe it based solely on their claims. Yet more recently it has become the proverbial hammer to beat people of many religions over the head with. This was not Russel’s intent it was more as a counter to I do not have to be christian because you are and not that he was saying their beliefs were invalid. I’m not saying anyone should believe one way or another just that any belief based on something that can neither be proven or disproven requires faith and that is the basis of all religions.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      K2001, the more unbelievable, incredible and unlikely something is, the more faith is required to believe it is true. Thus, those seeking faith (as a manufactured commodity?) seem attracted to increasingly absurd propositions, and think they are good, because they require more faith to accept as true.
      People of Faith seem to need doubt. I think of faith as the confidence that develops when something is testable and reliable, such as the Sun rising tomorrow.

  4. Elliott Wilson says:


    I am really offended by your words. You say you are religiously tolerant, and then in the next breath you mock my belief in the one true Pastafarian god. I am both disgusted by your remarks, and forgive you, as Monsterism teaches. I would remind you that we live in America where freedom of, and from, religion is a constitutional right.

    By your own admission, you are fine with atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Agonists, and Vodouists, yet you fundamentally disagree with Pastafarians. I don’t even know what Agonists believe, but your statement could not be more hypocritical. You practice intolerance, and your treatment of my people is discriminatory. Your rhetoric is hate speech, by any definition, legal or otherwise. It is not only un-American, it is unlawful, and violates my basic human right to practice the religion of my choice.

    You criticize my religion, and yet you would let Agonists spread their ungodlike beliefs across this great land of ours. The fact is, you are the one that is likely going to hell for your heretical beliefs. I pray to God for your soul, and your conversion to the One true Pastafarian religion. God bless you my son, may his noodliness find your soul, and open your heart to His word.

    Fr. Elliott Wilson
    Ordained Pastafarian Minister

    • Keith says:

      Elliott: Just a gentle reminder that not everyone who visits this site lives in America.

    • Jo Switten says:

      R’Amen! (bows head)

  5. chives says:

    Higgs Bozon particle people… something from nothing, matter from the collision of energy… it defeated the only valid argument people had about god or it prove his existence, depending how you look at it. I take it as such…. God is the name PEOPLE gave to ENERGY in order to understand the world around them, and eventually it was bastarsized by people into religion to be used as a form of crowd control… Mess up now, suffer for eternity, Great motto to keep the people on edge…. God is energy, energy is god, and to believe that energy cares one way or another about what an individual does is the epitome of pride and arrogance. RELIGION uses this pride and arrogance to profit.. churches are tax exempt, tithing and such practices takes what you need from you now to support the church so you can have a great forever, like not paying this will somehow keep you from eternal bliss… Spiritual is the way to go people… Religion is just the sad mess certain people have made through history out of a beautiful, wonderful, universal thing. We are all born from the same energy, we will all go to the same energy, and fighting about how and why we will get there is just silly.

  6. Ash says:

    Atheism is a religious belief like abstinence is a sex position.

  7. Nika says:

    How I see it is that FSM is more of a slogan than an actual belief. And what I mean by that is (to me anyways) that Pastafarianism is a “religion” to all of those people who don’t have an “actual” religion they believe in that goes with everything they themselves believe in. For example same sex marriage, or people who don’t believe there is a god, sure that’s what atheism basically is but I feel that this is more like a group of people who don’t think it’s fair that other religions can discriminate people on who they are whether that be gay/bi, white/black, whether or not believing there is a heaven or hell. So I really just think that Pastafarianism is really just a group of people coming together to discuss their beliefs, it’s not to make fun of other religions but maybe to point out there flaws.

  8. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    Here is a primer I wish all would study!
    THERE – a location
    THEY’RE – the contracted form of “they are”
    THEIR – the possessive form belonging to them.

    Hate to sound like a short-tempered old fart, but I calls ’em like I sees ’em.

    • Rev. Wulff says:

      May I add:

      YORE – meaning in times past.
      YOU’RE – the contraction of “you are”
      YOUR – the possessive belonging to you

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Don’t forget YAW – what one does when travelling with a side wind.

        • Keith says:

          And the plural of atheist is ATHEISTS, not atheist.

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