I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,161 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. Saucerer says:

    Posters who KEEP INSISTING that a-theism is a belief, simply reveal they are fresh from evangelical school and are trying to get the argument of presuppositionalism (read up on Appologetics) off the ground. This is theo-logic that makes sense to them but is illogical to every one else because it’s a circular argument.
    If a weak thinker agrees, the next predictable ‘planks’ of theo-logic make one’s head spin (read up on Classical Greek logic). When the ‘fact’ that something must be either TRUE or FALSE is proposed, simply say: “This sentence is a lie. True or false?”

  2. NonPianoist says:

    Dear austin,
    I just want to point out that what Bobby doing here is a good thing. Of course I agree that mocking religion or anything is not a good thing, and it is disrespectful. However, I agree to what Bobby trying to protest in the first place. Which is separation of Church and state.

    Here is why:
    Bobby created the flying spaghetti monster in respond to protest the kansa school board’s decision to PERMIT the teaching of intelligent design. which is the creationism in disguise. In order to be fair to ALL religion, they should also teach the pastafarian design, or Isam, or buddism, and all other religion.

    the 1st amendment of the u.s:
    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

    by allowing the Kansas schools to teach intelligent design besides evolution is using state funds for a CERTAIN religion, which is unconstitutional. therefore, Bobby is right to mock the school board’s decision, not necessary ur religion. he supported the separation of church and state, and protected non-religious people’s freedom of religion.

    by forcing Kansas schools to teach intelligent design is the same as forcing religion down the throat of people with different believes. That is not liberty, not freedom, and should not be encouraged. Can you imagine the opposite is done to your kids in school? Kansas school have new law to teach the great Allah created humans in biology class. what is your reaction to that?

  3. One God says:

    Let me immediately get a person’s feed as I are unable to to get ones contact request weblink or even e-newsletter program. Accomplish you might have just about any? Make sure you allow me to recognize so that I might subscribe. Thanks.

    • Keith says:

      What a a shame! Here I was thinking that with a name like “One God” I’d have something that would give me either pause for thought or a good giggle. All I got was 15 seconds of confusion!

      • Rev. Wulff says:

        Actually, non-sensical rambling like this might go along way toward explaining just why x-tianity is so fu**ed up.

        • Keith says:

          PS: For those Pokemon fans out there, I hurt myself in the confusion.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      An illiterate Captain suggests that ‘One God’ is actually a badly-constructed spambot, a cyber-troll, with DOS its ultimate aim. Ironically, it’s indistinguishable from the ‘real thing’. Aaaarghhhhhh….

      • Keith says:

        Those spambots must have quite a bit of AI to slot in title that slots in with the theme of the web site.

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          Perhaps we should try to convert the spambots, so they can spread the word around the net as they go. Do spambots like beer and strippers?

        • Keith says:

          I wouldn’t recommend sinking to their level.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          I didn’t detect intelligence but, ‘One God’ could be a Somali, fundamentalist Pastafarian, who is using a broken language converter.
          Bender likes beer and strippers but, I think he is already a Pastafarian.
          I would imagine that converting an immoral, evangelical Cyber-God (I’m sure they exist) to require special nerd skills, unlikely to be held by ethical pirates, despite their attraction to ‘hacking’. Aaaaarghhhhh…

  4. An atheist says:

    You say that you believe all religions are viewed equally and that makes you proud to be an American. I offer an argument that not religions are viewed equally especially in the United States. This country which preaches it’s freedom of religion and rights of free speech has politicians climbing the rank using their Christian beliefs to further their power bases. They pass fundamentally Christian beliefs as laws while paying little regard to those who do not share these beliefs. Please explain why you believe that America is so fair to all regions.

    • TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Polls indicate that an American presidential candidate could belong to ANY religion, be female and probably be gay, and STILL have an advantage over an atheist running against them. According to this poll, a gay Muslim woman might beat an atheist. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/17/atheist-muslim-presidential-candidate_n_4802608.html

      • Keith says:

        They forgot to include disabled candidates. A poll is only as good as those who respond to it. If a large percentage of people who are approached tell Gallup (or whoever) to mind their own business, that means a certain percentage of unknowns. There is no mention of those in the charts. There are probably also people who would say one thing due to the presence of peer or family pressure and, in complete secrecy, vote in quite a different way. Also, were the polls taken in selected areas or do the responses truly represent a fair cross section of the American public?
        Incidentally, we had a prime minister who claimed to be an atheist. It didn’t make any difference. We still had the school chaplaincy scheme in full swing and she opposed same sex marriage.

    • Exchange student US to Brazil says:

      I just wanted to say thank you for being the first reply I have read so far talking about this. There are literally politicians who get elected in the U.S. because they say that Jesus told them to run for office and reform people, not to mention the original letter that brought the great, holy, and perfectly seasoned One into the public’s eyes was in protest of the religious inequality in the United States.

  5. Warner Arns says:

    People tend not to realize precisely how crucial dental health is. Our oral health is equally as vital as another part of the body. I think more people should really start focusing on it.

  6. James says:


    Well, you are right, your first sentence was disproved by your last sentence. And if we mock you, it’s because you have encouraged mockery through your assumptions and insults about those who do not believe as you do. If posting a definition of “mocking” is not performing the sin you accuse us of, then what is?

    I have no assumptions about Christianity. I was raised as one and can quote it, “Bible & Verse”. So yes I do know where you come front. I don’t believe in it, and haven’t since I was 12 years old.

    Atheism is not a belief system. It is the rejection of the supernatural and the embracing of science and reality… both of which can be dis-proven and and improved upon. Unlike religion, which is a belief and can neither be proven or dis-proven because it has no basis in reality. It is fiction.

    Actually, to laugh at someone else’s belief is funny. That’s why I laugh. But to be honest I don’t find the rise of fundamentalist Christian beliefs impinging upon my reality funny at all. In fact I don’t really like you at all. I don’t intend to sit down and have a rational discussion with you about Christianity, because that’s like discussing whether Tolkien is real or not. It would be an exercise is frustration, wasting my valuable time enjoying reality.

    Oh yes, I could put myself in your mindset, because as I stated before, I was once a Christian. Then I grew up and opened my mind to the vast expanse of science and knowledge, which has given us all the wonderful modern things you probably enjoy; iphones, TV, cars, the Internet. All things which a belief in an all powerful fictional being with the skill set to create an entire universe, is incapable of providing. Of course as of this writing we now have some evidence of the multiverse. So are there Gods for those Cosmos’ or is Jehovah simply a busy landlord… rarely in the office and never gets around to fixing your leaky faucet.

    I am sorry… but I cannot have respect for your belief in a bronze age mythology invented by people who wore wooden sandals and lived in stick and mud huts. What part of the last two millennia have you missed? While the Bible you speak of continues to be dis-proven and relegated to the scrap heap of superstition, the world I live in moves on, invents, discovers, renewing its knowledge of its surroundings and the universe we exist in.

    Is the Flying Spaghetti monster a joke? Or is it a reflection of the intolerance Christians have held for those who do not believe as they do… and have persecuted others for over the centuries. The point of FSM is that it has as much right to exist and proselytize as your particular sect of Christianity does. If you are so positive of your belief, why did you write your letter in the first place.

    May actual atheist love be with you. Oh… just you know what that means, here’s a definition.

    Atheist Love: Actual affection for another being. Not affection through proxy of a mythical being while actually hating someone’s guts.

    Best regards,


    • Rev.Stu says:

      True “Atheism is not a belief system” or “B.S.” as R.A.Wilson wrote. However, seems Carl Jung’s view has merit. To paraphrase: For human beings to be sane, balanced and productive they should nurture three realms, the Physical (body), the Mind (consciousness) and the Spiritual (soul). My church goes on to maintain that these should be integrated, reified and ritually purified to reach our full potentials. Atheists responding to Creationists, led by beloved Beaver Bobby Henderson, created the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. There is iconography, slogans, ministers, good works, community action, and even a bible. The reality of the Divine is being made manifest, right here.
      It does not matter what face you put on the Divine, really. FSM is as viable as Jesus, Nuit, Odin or most any other divinity you can name. I recently performed the Grater Brandishing Ritual of the Ragu, the ingredients called forth were the ingredients in the pasta meal we ate. (Mufti-color rotini, colorful and screwy like my church) Kitchen magic, taking ingredients and creating a meal, old magic. Delicious results; we were hungry. We received sustenance in mind body and spirit, we were indeed touched by His noodly appendage. Food for thought?

      • Exchange student US to Brazil says:

        I like you, and am in need of a more refined system of expressing my devotion to the great, holy, and perfectly seasoned One. May I be told of the writs and preparations to partake in your ceremony of norisments, expecially in terms of ingredients?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Try marinara; there are expert recipes on the net, especially from some lawyer ex-marine. Personally, I like cream, crab and Pernod – with green chilli. Keith provides classic recipes.
          Remember, He boiled for your sins. Aaaaaarghhhhhh….

        • Keith says:

          A recipe for tomato sauce from “The Encyclopaedia of World Cookery” Spring Books 1958.
          1 tablespoon of olive oil
          1 onion sliced
          1 clove of garlic chopped
          1 lb of tomatoes, peeled and quartered
          4 oz of parmesan cheese
          basil (fresh or dried)

          Cook the onion with the garlic in the olive oil. When it is soft and transparent add the tomatoes, a little basil, salt and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes then sieve. Add sugar if the tomatoes are not very ripe. Pounded anchovies and parsley adds an extra flavour if so desired.
          It is important to use long unbroken pieces of spaghetti instead of short pieces to avoid them getting too mushy.

          Apologies for a recipe that is only 56 years old

        • Keith says:

          PS: I have a recipe for meatballs from the same book: it is a bit involved.

        • Keith says:

          OK: To go with your spaghetti:
          MEAT BALLS:
          8oz beef 2 pints of stock capers
          4 oz of pork 2 oz dripping salt
          4 oz of liver 1 oz flour pepper
          1 sliced bread 1 onion
          chopped parsley 2 eggs
          1/2 lemon 1/2 ounce butter
          1 teaspoonful of Worcester Sauce (pronounced “Wooster” where I come from)

          Mince the onion, fry it lightly in a little butter. Mince the meat and the bread (previously soaked in water and squeezed out). Finishing the job by mincing bread at the end cleans out the mincer. Mix the onion, minced meat, bread and eggs and beat well. Add the parsley, grated lemon rind,lemon juice and sauce and beat again. Shape the mixture into balls and poach them in the stock for about 15 minutes. Put aside to drain: keep them hot.Melt the dripping, cook the flour in it for 1 minute, gradually add enough stock to to make a fairly thick sauce. Season with salt and pepper and capers. Pour the sauce over the meatballs.

    • Rev. Linguine says:

      What’s wrong with wooden sandals? Nothing. They are even environmentally friendly and make for a nice kick in the arse of somebody you don’t like. When people of ancient times invented these grotesque myths that form the basis of today’s religions it was not because they wore wooden sandals and lived in huts (some people still do) but because they lacked the knowledge that we now have of how the universe works. Being only human, they had to invent explanations instead in order to keep the terror of living in an incomprehensible world at bay (or so I imagine – it is hard to know exactly what went on their brains). In arguing against religion there is no need to bring up sandals and huts, there are so many other, stronger and relevant arguments to pick from. Such as the fact that the mythology of every religion mirrors the general culture of the region where it originated and is thus evidently created by man. Except for the mythology of the Divine Church of the Holy Sphagetti Monster, which mytholoy reflects nothing but eternal truth. Which I have hereby proved by simply asserting it.

      • Keith says:

        Regarding wooden sandals: Actually, I wear geta at home in the summer months. When you get used to the issues of balance and the “clip clop” noise they are really quite comfortable. I don’t hear the crickets singing “ge ge ge no ge” though, which is a bit of a disappointment.

  7. Ruzho says:


    I just love Christians who assume that atheism is a belief. They’re just one peg smarter than the ones who assume that since I don’t believe in their nameless diety, that I must by default be a satan-worshipper.

    Atheism is a lack of belief. Lack. Absence. It’s not that I “believe there is no god”, it’s that I “do not believe in imaginary friends or supernatural bullshit.” You don’t believe in Thor as a diety because you actively think about not believing in him and form a little religion around your disbelief in Thor, you simply do not believe in him, period, in the same way you do not believe in Athena, Hera, Zeus, Titan, Demeter, or any of the THOUSANDS of other gods out there. Atheism simply takes that naturally sane lack of belief in supernatural bullshit and adds one more god to the disbelief than you do.

    Atheism is an expression of sanity, not a belief that needs to be defended. I don’t even have to try to maintain or defend my “belief”, because it simply isn’t there, whereas believers like you have to come up with excuses for why their beliefs are self-contradictory, their gods are elusive, and their arguments are steeped in fallacy. For an example of the excuses you make to support your belief, attempt to answer this question: If your god is all-knowing, why didn’t he include a mandate to wash your hands before preparing food or caring for injuries in that grand storybook you keep thumping? Germ theory wasn’t discovered until the 1800s, but SURELY an all-powerful, all-knowing diety who held the lives of his flock in such high esteem might have tossed in at least a footnote to wash up before dinner. Unless, of course, he: (1) isn’t all-knowing, which thereby casts doubt into the rest of the claims made about him; (2) doesn’t actually care about your wellbeing, and/or (3) was made up by primitives who didn’t know better. Guess where I’m putting *my* money.

    Pastafarians are the only religious types I can accept, because they KNOW their beilefs are ridiculous, and they have fun with it. Wait, hold on a sec. I think I just used a word you religious types don’t understand: fun. It means to enjoy yourself without shame, to be so happy that you are lost in the moment, to be merry with no ulterior motive and no intent to do harm. I know this is an alien concept, but it’s the *exact opposite* of the self-imposed guilt trip you put yourself through while sinning and forgiving yourself. Now that we’ve got that out of the way …

    As far as the article, pastafarianism is a LEGAL religious institution in this country. What you believe is irrelevant, it’s a goddamn LAW. You cannot legislate against a religious institution by the first amendment, and there are numerous rulings by higher courts including the Supreme Court to back this up. This means that a rule against pirate costumes is just as unconstitutional as a rule against wearing a burka or a cross. Pirate costumes are fully-covering garments, so I can’t see *how* they’d be any more disruptful than, for instance, a t-shirt that says “Jesus Saves,” unless of course, your religion feels threatened by other religious beliefs. It’s an expression of their faith, plain and simple. It’s not your place to believe or disbelieve it, but it IS on you to as a citizen of this country to shut up and let it happen, because THEY have the same rights you think you reserved for yourselves.

    If you want to legally screw with other religions for their beliefs, you have to de-legislate your own protection. And that means we’re coming after you for three hundred years of back-taxes on your properties and clergy incomes faster than you can say ‘oh shit’. Christians might not mind this so much, but have you seen all the shit the Catholics have? They’ll do *everything in their power* to keep their protection from legislation. So before you think you can take a pirate hat from a fun-loving Pastafarian, just imagine how bad the backlash would be if you were stealing a golden crucifix from Saint Peter’s Cathedral … then kindly shut up and sit down.

    They’re no more right or wrong than you are, and they have the same legal rights. Personally, I think you’re just jealous that they have more fun than you do, and you can’t fathom how atheists consistently side with them while calling your beliefs socially irresponsible and potentially dangerous. I’d take the time to explain how that little paradox is actually purely logical, but by now you’ve turned on you god-blinders, so I’ll just shut up and wander on …

    • Keith says:

      Well said.

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      Thunderous applause from me.

      Would that I were so eloquent.


    • Canon Chris says:

      Ruzho, if I was the Prophet, I’d award you the title of Most Reverend Admiral, Chaplain of the Fleet, may there be no barnacles on your feet. Aaaaarghhhh…..

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Welcome aboard, matey. An impressive opening salvo.

  8. Atsap Revol says:

    Thanks, Ruzho, for a golden contribution. Your thoughts should be mandatory reading for all of those little fundies being home-schooled. But as you pointed out, we don’t try to force our paradigm on others. Not just because it wouldn’t be constitutional, but mainly because it wouldn’t be an act of human decency.

    • A Schlafly says:

      Thanks, Ruzho, I’ve uploaded it to Conservapedia for the open-minded homeschool program. The kids love it, but I don’t know why.

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