I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,161 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. Tyson says:

    This is so adorable! So much time and thought put into it.

    • Bob says:

      Jesus Christ, it’s not funny. I think that guy was serious.

  2. Mest says:

    i like how it ended

    • Richard says:

      I was the opposite. For me they guy was putting his side in the debate and showed respect to other religions and then with that last line he just blew it and lost all credibility. Oh well….

  3. Bre says:

    His whole letter went to shit when he said Athiesim is a religion. Athiesim is a lack of religion, no belief in anything. You can’t say it’s a belief to not have a belief, and say that belief is alike other beliefs.

    Random thought. If nothing is the absence of anything, and anything is everything, is nothing something?

    • Bre says:

      Oops, the times when I wrote “religion” I meant to write BELIEF.

    • TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      They say there is matter even in the vast emptiness of space, so nothing would really be something!

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        I’ve been told that a certain famous physicist (not sure who, now) got a little bit funny toward the end of his life, and took to wearing giant puffy slippers to keep himself from falling down to the center of the earth thru the empty spaces between/inside of atoms. Now, there’s a belief in “nothing” for ya…..

  4. jerin says:

    I did have a “near death experience”. I was clinically dead for several minutes and was asked frequently about what I saw…The only thing I saw was a group of people in the back of the ambulance playing poker, smoking cigars and drinking beer telling me to hurry up so they could deal.

  5. eric says:

    I think the saddest thing about this posting is how it misses the point from the beginning. If, as the author stressed, all religious belief should be treated equally, then equally, all of these beliefs (including the author’s) are ridiculous and sublime in the same measure. As much comfort as faith may bring, it must still be realized that faith is by definition unproveable. To believe contradictory things without proof, and NOT have a sense of humor about it, can only lead in a tragic direction (see:Holy War).
    I respect everyone’s right to believe in magic sky men, or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or giant thunderbirds, or not to believe any of these things. If you don’t understand that what you believe is no more real or unreal than what I believe, how can you ever hope to really respecting that belief?

    • ziddina says:

      Oooo! Good point!! You wrote [eric]: “…As much comfort as faith may bring, it must still be realized that faith is by definition unprovable….” [end quote of eric’s words.]

      I double-checked one of the most famous definitions of faith written in the bible – Hebrews chapter 11 – and it was very revealing. Though it’s the first few verses of that chapter which are usually quoted, when one reads the entire chapter, it becomes a tragic commentary upon believing in invisible, unprovable [as eric said] beings that might someday reward – or more accurately, will always fail to reward – believers.

      Hebrews 11 [excerpts]:

      “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the people of old received their commendation. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.

      …13 These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. …

      36 Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two,[a] they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated— 38 of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.

      39 And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised,…”

      Obviously I’ve excerpted the parts that most Christians would like to ignore.

      As everyone and especially Bre have pointed out, comparing faith to atheism is the behavior of a person who doesn’t understand what atheism is, or by what means many of us have arrived at our atheism.

      Atheism isn’t the “assured expectation of things hoped for…”; atheists have no vain hopes in some nebulous promise that “someday, something will happen”…

      Atheists hold no “…conviction of things not seen…”; atheists generally have chosen their atheism because of scientific data that is most definitely SEEN – the fossil record, DNA results, paleoarchaeology, anthropology, and so on.

      THAT is the aspect of atheism that grates most on believers’ nerves, I think. Especially when one looks at what the bible (or most other mystical books of prophecy) say about the supposed ‘history’ of those who DID hope based on “things not seen”: “13 These all died in faith, not having received the things promised…” … “…36 Others suffered… 39 And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised,…”

      And that’s what scares religious people the most – their own underlying fear that they might be wrong about this ‘god’ (‘gods’, actually) that they worship.

      On some level, even they realize that he/she/it isn’t there.

      Staring into the abyss when one has been promised that “…God had provided something better for us…” – yet ‘god’ NEVER delivers – that must be deeply frightening.

  6. Jolly Toes says:

    The problem is that though many believe that all religions should be treated equally, each religion believes it is more ‘right’ than the others. This leads to a superiority mindset within the subconscious that nothing can change.

  7. Tamara says:

    I really like the letter and think it is very heart-felt. Unfortunately I believe the writer is missing the point of Pastafarian altogether.
    I was baptised as a baby into the Anglican faith because ‘that’s what you do so your baby will go to heaven’. Meanwhile as I grew older my mother searched for a religion that she could believe in. I was Christian, Baptist, Mormon, Jehova’s Whitness, you name it. And every religion was the same (and yet different in their own way); we didn’t fit in. And every time we were anything but Christian I was not allowed to play with my Christian friends and was not allowed to even call their homes anymore. What part of that is fair to a seven year old child. None of it. Because of the personal beliefs of adults innocent children were not able to play together on weekends. Differences in personal and religious beliefs are dangerous monsters that hurt people and should never be allowed into public places like schools where fitting in amongst peers is difficult enough. Therefore I completely believe in many of the points set out by Pastafarians. I do not choose to do this to mock religion specifically, just their hate towards each other. I do not specifically believe in God or the Flying Spagetti Monster, just the morals they try to reach out towards people. To be a good person, be kind to people regardless of their race, creed, colour, religion, and sexual preferences. Be nice to the angry lady at the Motor Vehicles Building because she’s just putting bread on the table for her family.
    I don’t know who or what is waiting for me when I die but all I’m going to do is enjoy the life that is given to me so I can say I have no regrets. These are the cards I have been dealt: Challenge Accepted. I will never push my beliefs on another person or criticize them for theirs. My children will be allowed to play with whoever they want and will one day make their own decisions. Pastafarians do not mock religion, they mock the pressure of pushing religions onto people who do not wish for it. We want to live in peace with our own beliefs, whatever they may be, and have a little fun doing it.
    I know this hate mail is old and no one will probably read this post, and someone of strong, yet different faith, will not understand and try to push the ‘love of god onto me’ and pray for me as a non believer but please don’t. I am happy, I love my life, and will have no regrets when I die. Please respect that as I respect you.
    R’Amen and may the afterlife be everything you believe it is.

    • Atsap Revol says:

      Bravo, Tamara, you totally get it. What a wonderful world this would be if all people subscribed to your philosophy. You inspire me to be even kinder to others, even the cranky old lady at the DMV.

      Atsap Revol

    • Keith says:

      I did read your letter Tamara and, like Atsap I wholeheartedly approve of what you say. Being a cranky middle aged man I may find it difficult to be kinder to equally angry people but I’ll give it a try: for the next couple of weeks at any rate. :-)

      • Tamara says:

        Thank you both. I never expected someone to actually read what I posted, let alone comment.

        Keith – Best of luck with that, I’m sure you’re doing just fine.

        Atsap – I actually inspired my boyfriend to be nice to the lady in the DMV (He’s pretty amazing already though). He saved for years and was finally able to buy a sports car and went to the DMV to register it. The lady was rude, ignorant, and just stand offish. She even scoffed at him about the price that he got the car for “Looks like you got lucky”. So when she picked a plate for him the first three letters read “FGD” and he couldn’t help but laugh. He thanked her for a perfect plate and she was confused. So he said “FGD – F****ing Good Deal. And yes, yes it was”. She laughed and thanked him for bringing a smile to her face. There is a person in there somewhere lol.

        • Keith says:

          Welcome back, Tamara! It’s great to hear a happy ending to an otherwise unpleasant incident. At the moment I am coping with a friend who is a chronic depressive. I DO understand what he is going through but he uses the “pity poor me, I’m so helpless” angle to impose on my generosity. It’s difficult not to get angry about things like that. Today I am helping him with his garden and I will make certain that he does his fair share of the work.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Thanks for returning and commenting, Tamara. Your story about your boyfriend at the DMV and his new FGD license plate made me chuckle. A good sense of humor is a great asset…the human condition is definitely humorous. I started an organization that many of my peers have joined. We call ourselves the Cranky Old Farts of America. This could easily become an international club, Keith. I am a charter member…I turn 81 in a few weeks!

          Atsap Revol, COF

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          I’d join that society. I’m only in my mid-30s, but have it on good authority that I’m cranky beyond my years.

        • Keith says:

          I guess that at 58 I’d be Piggy in The Middle (or Monkey in the Middle, given my contempt for authority) :P

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          Atsap, count me in, I would be proud to affiliate to your organization, perhaps as the honorary chaplain to the UK chapter!

          May I be among the first to wish you a happy birthday in advance’ and many more of them; there is still much work to be done.

          May the Sauce be with you

          The Reverend

        • Keith says:

          I have a crabby cat who is over 12 years old. He looks at everything with disapproval, demands food and attention constantly and gets into fights. I think Ceiling Cat has given up on him. Would cats be allowed membership?

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Reverend Toni, thanks for your good wishes. You would be the ideal chaplain for the COF’s organization. That would be for the entire international organization, and not just for the UK Chapter.

          Atsap (COF) Revol

  8. Divine says:

    I thought the whole idea of the spaghetti monster was to keep religion out of the public school system? What is this fag rambling on about?

    • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

      Be nice now!

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