I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,163 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. Studro says:

    The reason this doesn’t count is simple…… None of u really believe in it. Can’t be a belief without actually having…. Well belief. It’s a gag. A joke. A method to prove a point. That’s all.

    • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

      Studro, how can you determine if something “counts?” How can anyone? What does “counting” mean, exactly?

      As best as I can determine from back reading, Pastafarianism along with this site were created in response to a government entity attempting to force the beliefs of many of its constituents upon other constituents who did not share those beliefs. IMHO, an ingenious, illustrative method, not to belittle religious or spiritual tenets, but to suggest that not everyone shares certain widely held beliefs and should not be required to pay for their instruction to all in public schools with public tax dollars.

      What it has become, like so much of the national discourse on the internet and in the media, is a fight over “is there a God or isn’t there?” This saddens me. I am comfortable with not knowing what is behind initial creation. I am comfortable knowing that I will never know, in spite of all the good and important work done by scientists. I just don’t want public money, that would be better spent in too many other ways to list here, being used to promote one belief over another. This is what private tuition is for.

      There are those who must feel that they are in control by insulting others for their personal belief systems, and there are those who must feel that they are in control by preaching their personal belief systems as “fact.” To each of you who fall into either of these groups, my wish for you is that you someday come to a clarity of mind that you don’t currently enjoy. True control comes only when you forego any notion that control is possible. To the rest of us, don’t stop believing, or don’t stop not believing, whichever your case may be!”

    • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

      Goddamn it! All these years I have been a Minister of the Church of the FSM only to find that it’s only a joke! Only a method to prove a point! (sob) But thank you so much for sharing your insight and saving me from wasting the rest my life on a fruitless mission to shed a little light into dark and superstious lives.

      • UhOhSpaghettiO says:


        Thank you for your kind response!

  2. girlpants says:

    this is my religion and I truely belive in an after life of beer and strippers, just because you dont believe in it doesnt give you the right to say its a joke.

    • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

      Right on, Girlpants. Right on.

      • AnywayTheWindBlows says:

        I love that her name is girl pants.

  3. Fred says:

    Ah, the ending. How very Christian of you sir.

  4. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    Gabe posted a link to an article about someone having “a vision of Jesus”. Isn’t it odd how this only happens to those raised in a Christian society? If that person was raised in say Sudan or Iran it would have been a vision of Allah; in India it may have been Vishnu, but not Jesus. It’s a manifestation of something internal, not from an external agency.

    • Rev. Wulff says:

      I also find it interesting that out of all the claims from people who have died and been resuscitated, who have claimed to see visions of the afterlife, not one of these people has ever, to my knowledge, seen hell? It’s always the “tunnel of light” and “feelings of warmth and peace and love”, never “the pain”, or “the screaming and the burning”. Statistically speaking, by now *somebody* besides Dante should have gotten a sneak peek at the other place before being yanked back. Gnome sane?

      • Keith says:

        Actually, Wulff, I’ve read more than one book that refers to Near Death Experience. In most accounts where people claim they went to hell they talk about a dark place: not the fire and brimstone business that Old Nick serves up. I can’t find the references at the moment as I have too many possible books to look through. There are several web sites where people claimed to have died and went to hell: accompanied by the obligatory halleluiah praise the lord etc. I tend to ignore those as they obviously have only one purpose for being there. A friend of a fellow worker (that’s always how it is, isn’t it, a friend of a friend?) claimed to have died twice on the operating table. Each time he claimed that he was in a grey area being molested (not sexually) by figures in hooded robes. Apparently he was terrified of death. I never was able to talk to him myself so you have every reason to dismiss the claim if you feel so inclined.

  5. Mikel Caza says:

    The absence of something does not make it so. Nothing drives me crazier than people who insist Atheism is as much of a religion or a belief as any other faith. That is a terrible line of reasoning. The absence of something doesn’t make it so. There is no car in my driveway, that does not mean that there is a car in my driveway. I don’t believe in the existence of a higher power. That doesn’t mean that I believe in anything else.

    • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

      Your atheism is a belief in no God or higher power. You are a true believer.

      • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

        and you’re a dick!

      • Keith says:

        The Oxford dictionary says:

        a person who disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of God or gods


        be unable to believe
        [no object] have no religious faith

        As far as I’m concerned that pretty much settles the crap about atheists having a belief.

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          RAmen Keith, it certainly should settle the crap as you put it, but you can bet your sweet ass it won’t.

          May the Sauce be with you

          The Reverend

      • James says:

        As others have said, atheism is a belief in the same way that bald is a hair color or abstinence is a sexual position.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Mikel, UOSO, and Rev. Toni
      FWIW, and because I am sorta conflicted about this argument, I looked up “atheism” in the source of all knowledge (Wikipedia, LOFLMAO) and found that they seem to distinguish between a variety of forms of atheism. A militant atheist would (might?) say: “I believe that that THERE IS NO GOD.” A less militant (more agnostic?) dude would say (with Mikel): “I do not hold a belief (on this tiresome subject)”. Little bitty babies are typically and the best example of this kind of atheist, since they most likely really don’t hold any belief at all. Of course later, they come to belive in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and, ultimately, in Christian venues, in Jehovah, unless they are lucky enough to be splashed in the Sauce. Probably the people who drive Mikel crazy are people who believe all atheists are militant in the above sense. Hope Rev. Toni won’t add me to his “dick” list…..

      • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

        Don’t stop believin’ guys! In spite of your beliefs, and sometimes militant stances, you are loved. Especially Reverend Toni. Peace!

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          I watched the Life of Pi last night and when Pi asked a priest questions like “Why does God need us?”, all he got was the platitude of how God loves us. Ticked me off. If you don’t have an answer, Padre, say so, instead of saying in so many words
          “Stop asking me questions that really question my religion. Instead, drink some more Kool-Aid”.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          “you are loved”

          I know; by my Wife, son, foster son, family, friends, and dog. Don’t need anything else.

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          Thank you UOSO, I sure am loved; my wife loves me, my daughters love me, my grandchildren love me. The fact that you don’t know me or my family leads me to conclude that you are referencing the love of my Deity; once again, thank you for reminding me but I need no such reminder as I am constantly bathed in love and warmth as His Noodlyness embraces me and the ones I love and protects us against the rising tide of religiosity both to the east (islam) and to the west (fundamental christianity). Everybody’s god loves them, but the world is doomed unless people of different faiths can learn, too, to love. It was perhaps no big deal a few hundred years ago when holding a different view might result in having a few rocks thrown at you, but now every flee-bitten desert nation has modern weapons. Combine this with bronze age mentality and Armageddon becomes the one bible story that is likely to be fulfilled, VERY likely to be fulfilled. You end your post with the word ‘Peace’ but peace is not an option, at least until Islam has murdered every Jew and imposed Sharia law in every country in the world (that’s the same Islam that claims to be the religion of peace, HAH!), ’till American fundies have created a theocracy in the US, and imposed their own archaic laws on the so called ‘land of the free’ or until the fucking world grows up and realises what is in front of their eyes! Peace, not a hope!

          May the Sauce be with us all,

          The Reverend.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Reverend Toni, you pointed out well the contrast between nuclear technology and bronze-age mentality. Humankind has made unbelievable technical advances in the last 150 years, but has not matured at all from the crude beliefs and emotions of people 10,000 years ago.

          When I was young, nearly 80 years ago, I idealistcally held hope that a new world order would evolve following WWII. Since then I have been exposed to the reality of the prejudice and hatred that exists between individuals and nations. Religion, nationalism, and greed are the three great polarizing forces that prevent peace on earth. Religion is the most destructive of the three.

          I collect human beliefs as a hobby. The range is awesome. I conclude that people generally choose the superstitious and unlikely over the reasoned and observed. Is this just my conceited attitude? I think not. History supports my view of the cause of conflicts that have arisen because of beliefs.

          Perhaps I am just a pessimistic old fart, but I do not believe that humankind is capable of revising attitudes and practices. I hope that I may be wrong, but if I’m not, the future is bleak.

          Atsap Revol

        • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

          I don’t have to know any of you to love you all, guys. I’m happy that you all have beautiful families – I do, too. Nothing better. But I know that, beyond my immediate family, I am (and all of you, and everyone is) also part of something much larger… infinitely larger. The Universe, God, Allah, Nature, call it what you may… we are more than the sum of our individual parts… you are all loved. In spite of any and all fears you might have and allow to be expressed through religion, or through atheism. Some choose to personify love as God and fear as Satan. Others don’t. But through each of us love and fear pass. Nothing else.

          You are love, and you are loved.

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          Atsap, you contrast well the optimism of the young and the pessimism that is the inevitable result of growing old, and on the way, seeing the ideals we held so strongly as young men dissolved, slowly but very surely by the greed and self-serving attitudes of politicians, religious leaders and just about any individual or two-bit organization that can gain power by shouting louder than the blessed meek. I have become tired of fighting a loosing battle, of constantly having the sense that my voice, the voice of the concerned minority, is no more than a voice in the wilderness, bows and arrows against the lightening. I have seen great institutions like the National Health Service ground into the ground because my once proud country is being bled dry by parasites; lazy workshy scroungers and professional single mothers abound, we host hate preaching muslim leaders, paying thousands of pounds in social security benefits to keep them and their families while they openly preach hatred and stir up hostility against the very society that feeds and clothes them; money that is desperately needed to support our crippled economy is being stolen by the mafia like leaders of the so called European Union; criminal heads of huge banking corporations are paying themselves equally huge bonuses to the value of millions of pounds after having lost billions of pounds of Britain’s reserves due to incompetency and illegal dealings. Tens of thousands of individuals every year are pouring into our tiny country, illegally, from every corner of the world and our government does nothing about it other than to give them houses and benefits, all this while thousands of British people are living on the streets and thousands of families are living in squalor and poverty. Our politicians are robbing us to fill their own personal pockets and the clergy are raping our children and I feel powerless to stop any of it.

          There seems to be an apathy running through this once proud country that saddens me, ‘I’m OK Jack, and as long as I’m OK bollocks to everyone else’. We have the power as a people to change things but to do that we need to stand together and say enough is enough, but we will never be able to do that when we can’t even agree on which god to suck up to, instead we just stick our heads in the sand and pretend we’re back in Kansas. When individuals speak up about their concerns they are branded as racists because we live in a country that is terrified of being anything other than open-armed to any asshole that wants to sponge of of this country because our leaders are still apologizing for the sodding empire and are shit scared to say no, and too self righteous to do what the country put them in power to do because they are so bloody arrogant that they think that they know better than we what’s good for us!

          Well, sorry about that, I suppose what I am saying is; It’s not surprising that age brings pessimism and cynicism, we have had longer being subjected to the bullshit.

          From one pessimistic old fart to another, may the Sauce be with you.

          The Reverend.

  6. Nat says:

    I truly wonder how tolerant people like you (writer of the letter) are. Did you know, for example, that in Sambia the initiation rites require that the adolescent males ingest semen from older men? Well, I’m guessing this really doesn’t disturb you cause you “think all beliefs should be treated with equality”. And it’s actually quite funny for you to say that, being a christian, when your missionary works have cause the demise of many world religions in tribes around the globe.

    Also, I’d advise you to polish your Christianism. You try to hide behind your rationality, but you’re inflammed with hate.

    Matthew 5:43-45
    “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

  7. Nick says:

    “I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo…”
    Atheism… Is not… A belief…


    • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

      Nick, atheism is a belief. Anything you can’t disprove but choose to accept as truth is a belief. Therefore, atheism is a belief. Atheists who choose to try to impose their belief that there is no God are as arrogant as those who proselytize (not that you are acting the militant atheist with your comment, just pointing out what “belief” can cause some people to become.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        UhOh, There are some religious fanatics trying to shoehorn their beliefs into science class, where it has no place – that’s why this website exists. I have yet to hear of any atheists trying to have their say in a class on religion, even though it rightly would belong there.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        “Anything you can’t disprove but choose to accept as truth is a belief”

        Like the belief in disbelief of Santa. Militant anti-santists!

        Atheism simply means “without” god. I am also “without” ghosts, aliens, bigfoot sightings, chupacabra attacks, clairvoyance, telepathy, and ESP.

      • Barkingspyder says:

        Sorry Mr. Spaghettio but Atheism is not a belief it is relying on reason to form an opinion. If someone tells you something that sounds fantastic and in direct contradiction to the rest of reality do you believe it? Not without actual evidence. Belief in a supreme being is something that is outside the norms of reality and would require extraordinary proof. No such proof exists. In the real world there is the law of identity, meaning a thing has to behave in a certain way in a specific context. A thing without a specific nature can not exist. Believing that God is Omnipotent is a way to try and get around the law of identity but it doesn’t work because it leaves to many (one or more) contradictions. I’m sure you’ve heard the one about God creating something so heavy he couldn’t lift it. If that were true it would be a limit on his omnipotence, if it is not true it is a limit on his omnipotence. Tricky thing reality. In reality there are no contradictions.

        What might have been an acceptable view of the world and an attempt to explain it and therefore positing a supreme being by people 10,000 years ago, but to still accept that sort of explanation in an age of space travel, computers and such is just shameful. It means you choose not to think or at least to not think very much about this particular subject. If you used the same lack of critical thinking in the rest of your life it would be chaos.

        I have to go now the elf in my closet is getting hungry.

    • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

      Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I’m not a religious fanatic. And I’m not an atheistic fanatic either, like so many on this board seem to be. I’m a proud agnostic. Humility prevents me from believing absolutely in God just as it prevents me from believing absolutely that there is no God. I believe that we can’t possibly know for sure. And I believe that attempts to convince anyone otherwise are arrogant, whether those attempts are by religious fanatics or atheistic fanatics.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        So sez the agnostic fanatic. Agnostics who choose to try to impose their belief that “maybe there is” or “maybe there is not” a god are twice as arrogant as those who only commit to one likelihood.

        • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

          So we’ve made progress. In your claim, you assign belief to “maybe there is not” a god. Thank you, and goodnight.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          I did not make a claim, I re-framed your assertion so that it includes you. My “claim” is at ‘March 27, 2013 at 5:43 AM’ which is still uncontested.

        • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

          OK friend, you can change it any way you’d like to make it work for you. Peace.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        Gee, guys…We’re all Communicants in the Sauce and the IRRYD’s guide our principles. How about returning to some good-natured banter? That used to be a hallmark of this site and indeed of everyone above this post.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Apprentice Frederic,

          Fear not, I would not take anything I say too seriously, especially something starting with “So sez…”. I typically reserve properer grammar for serious discussions, if I lead with slang or grammatical playfulness my intent is somewhat more facetious in nature.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Thanks, TH – I DO take your cogent and sensible posts seriously, but appreciate the disinction you draw, LOL.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          I’ll take care to make clearer distinctions, if my posts require a road-map to match it to the mood which inspired it then I’m not projecting ‘properer’ly. :)

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        The burden of proof is on the theists. As an atheist (I THINK – not believe – there’s no god) I am merely saying until I see ANY evidence of a god, why should I believe? On the other hand, we have millions of people who think they know every nook and cranny of an omnipotent being’s personality. Extraordinary beliefs require extraordinary proof.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          …..or maybe just a combination of extraordinary credulity and extraordinary arrogance….the omnipotent being’s personality in question actually seems to square better with that of a bad-tempered and jealous rabbi who wrote during some period of flight or captivity.

        • UhOhSpaghettiO says:

          Yes Few, it is indeed extraordinary to believe that we are the result of a random chain of events. As extraordinary as it is to believe in an omnipotent supreme being. I have yet to see extraordinary proof of either!

          Peace and love…

        • Keith says:

          Penne Rigate will spontaneously insert itself into Rigatoni
          The tests in this article were done under controlled conditions I think>

      • Barkingspyder says:

        An agnostic is a chicken shit atheist. It is someone who lacks the courage to call nonsense what it is.

  8. UhOhSpaghettiO says:

    Surprised you guys have not latched on to this yet… North Carolina state assembly attempting to pass a bill authorizing the allowance of an official state religion…


    Guess this site has gotten away from its original purpose (separation of church and state) and moved into the “we’re militant atheists and we’re here to bash anyone with personal beliefs different from ours” realm!

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