I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


2,186 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. DanTheMemeMan says:

    Sled Gang!

  2. Poop says:

    I fully support the FSM

    • Keith says:

      I fully support pooping!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Do you have your own poop deck?

      • Keith says:

        Oh yes! I don’t use those disgusting indoor toilets. I stick it straight out of the window.

        • Patroller says:

          Disabled toilet.

  3. Cassandra says:

    I am a Christian. But, surprisingly, perhaps, I agree with you about science. It would never have occurred to me as I was growing up that people took Bishop Ussher’s dating system literally. Not to take anything away from the Bishop, I mean, for his time (January 1581 – 21 March 1656) the Archbishop of Armagh had some excuse for the way he went about computing the date of the Creation (4004 BCE) but it was just HIS theory.
    And would have been considered so until someone decided to stick it into the King James Version of the Bible (the Scofield Reference Bible still has it) and SOME people became confused thinking that meant the dating somehow had God’s stamp of approval.

    But God has never told us not to ask questions. According to the Gospel Jesus ENCOURAGED it: “Ask, and you shall receive. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and the door shall be opened to you.”

    That sounds like a blessing of scientific inquiry to me.

    Now, assuming Genesis gives us an account of a vision of the Beginning of the Universe as seen by some Prophet (whether Moses or another doesn’t really matter) it would be an account of how it appeared to and was understood by the aforementioned prophet.
    In other words…not scientifically accurate.

    But the first thing God says is “Let there be light” and light appears.
    No sun. No stars. Spencer Tracy had a lot of fun with that in INHERIT THE WIND but we now know, don’t we, that the first noticeable effect of the Big Bang (assuming one was there to observe) would have been a huge explosion of light.


    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      The nuns who taught me in grade school advised us not to take the Bible literally; that much of the Old Testament was fable and only served as morality lessons. I suppose it’s natural to hope for an afterlife and a benevolent guardian, but not at the cost of disputing verifiable facts.

      • sara says:

        If someone says do not take the Bible literally, it does not mean it is a fable or a morality lesson. It means it was written 2,000 years ago so not every word means exactly what our 21-century perspectives mean. Context is key. Understanding the people and time during the writing of the Bible.

        • Captain B says:

          Sara, about a quarter of the Old Testament and three quarters of the New Testament is forged; and hundreds of key words (pneuma, alma, stewardship etc.) have been intentionally mistranslated to mean something completely different.
          The ‘key historical context’ is that forgery and deceit was acceptable to them. The early Christian writers enjoy the status of being the first thoroughly dishonest historians. This tradition was continued by Luther, who, in his own words, justified lying to the credulous.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Cassandra, you smuggled in the assumption that your god exists, but, that’s okay. It’s refreshing to find Christians who see little conflict between science and their faith.
      It’s a mistake to see the Big Bang as a type of explosion, with a centre and stuff flying out from it. The Universe expanded equally from every point and continues to do so: there is no centre: every point in the Universe appears to be the centre.
      It’s only possible to imagine a view of the Big Bang from outside of it, because such a position does not exist. But, as artists love to attempt to depict such things, I’ll hazard a guess that one would see nothing – for ever.

      • zorbaal says:

        “The Universe expanded equally from every point and continues to do so: there is no centre: every point in the Universe appears to be the centre.”

        If Universe expanded equally from every point. It should be a sphere no ?

        • Captain B says:

          Zorbaal, it seems tempting to think so. What an excellent question for a Cosmologist. Excelsior might know.
          I suspect the Universe appears ‘spherical’ from every point. However, that artist’s impression implies a boundary and an ‘outside’.
          I understand that the Universe is expanding at the speed of light. I think Einsten has something to say about things not existing if they are moving away at the speed of light. I think that means: what boundary?

  4. Excelsior says:

    The Christian astronomer is a Jeckle and Hyde person. During the daytime he will swear that the universe is only 6000 years old because the Babble tells him so, so he is Dr. Jeckle. At night-time he will use his telescope to search for those photons that have been travelling billions of years to get here, and so he is Mr, Hyde! If the universe were really only 6000 years old, we would see no milky way or any other galaxy in the night sky! Adam wouldn’t even have seen any stars at all until many years after creation!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Agreed, Excelsior, but, some fundies argue that their god placed the photons en- route to us, to give the Universe an illusion of age, and/or, the speed of light used to be much faster. Curiously, they do not provide a shred of evidence, whilst asking to be proved wrong, as if they are exempt from logical falacies.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        If I was writing Genesis, I would have made the story more believable, by having Adam and Eve hatching from the virgin, vegan, snake’s eggs, rather than created as adults from dust.

  5. Thomas says:

    Well, he was right about one thing: He DID end up in the hate mail section.

  6. Ashley says:

    Austin, you stated that you thought about your email and this was the absolute best you could do? You’re pretty much wrong on everything (excluding you being put on hate mail. At least you were right on that)

    Your email shows that you don’t understand atheism at all. There are studies done that show that atheists typically know more about other religions than most theists do. Also, atheism is not a “belief just as much as Christianity”. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of atheist is “a person that disbelieves or lack belief in the existence of a god or gods”. So it’s either the exact opposite of a belief, which is disbelief, or just simply lacking belief in a god/god and that’s it.

    I, as an atheist, have read the bible 4 times cover to cover. I did so because I believed in the bible/Christianity and the and the act of reading the bible so many times caused me to become an atheist. Like many atheists, I want to see some sort of proof or evidence that a god/gods before I dedicate my life.

    On the topic of respecting religious beliefs I somewhat agree with you. Where I would disagree is when I see people use their religion to justify doing horrible things. I find the fact that people have disowned their children for rejecting a belief system, forcing people into conversion therapy because they’re gay, voting for candidates just because they share the same religion regardless of the person’s actual political views are, discriminating against people on basis of their religion, trying to force their religious beliefs onto other people, etc is abysmal and when I see examples of those I speak out regardless of what religion they follow.

    Regarding the letter, personally I think it’s pure genius. If Christians want to keep on insisting that alternate “theories” such as creationism being taught in the classroom, regardless of scientific consensus, then why not include the FSM one as well. It’s just as scientifically accurate. The US Supreme Court case Edwards v. Aguillard upheld the US Constitution by stating that one can not make a law that promotes one religious belief over another and for an alternate theory, such as creationism, to be taught in school it would have to be “done with the clear secular intent of enhancing the effectiveness of science instruction”. This was ruled with a 7 to 2 majority back in 1987 and still Christians keep on trying to push their religion in the classroom regardless of what the law of the land is/courts decided.

  7. Anonymus says:

    Thank you, you did what I was too scared to do.

  8. tiny says:

    just read the 2nd part, but, you made defamation
    FSMism have 8 condiments.
    one of them is
    “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t act like a sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in Me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.”
    so any good FMSist don’t do wath you discribe in your comment

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