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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,417 Responses to “You sicken me”

  1. Capt'n Freakn' Fusilli says:

    well there it is…freakn’ Christian tolerance for you. I love being threatened with imaginary pain and torment….makes me want to watch 50 Shades

    • jack says:

      exactly what I was going to say (damn Christian’s)

  2. montre rolex femme oyster perpetual faux says:

    cartierlovejesduas Show me a politician who isn’t a hypocrite.
    montre rolex femme oyster perpetual faux http://www.montredemarque.nl/

  3. John says:

    Never mind the cake will this special place have strippers and kegs of rum that never empty? R’amen

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I supect that Christian Hell does have strippers, John, (Mother Teresa, Fat Bastard etc.) and bottomless rum barrels just out of reach.

    • Jamie says:

      Reminds me of something shiny: “You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.”

  4. Pancit Priest says:

    Let me get this straight hell is a pirate ship with kegs of rum that you can’t touch and strippers with no nipples. FSM save me!!!!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Don’t forget that said strippers all have suppurating STDs as well, Pancit Priest. But, Pastafarian Hell is not eternal (unlike some false religions), except for the likes of Fred Phelps, who still refuses to change his ways and seems to be enjoying himself as a stripper.

  5. Josh says:

    Pastafarians should kill themelves. They are stupid asswholes and dont deserve to live.

    • Sebastian says:

      Oh wow! Thanks for that wonderful compliment! Now if you change it to ‘(religion name) should kill themselves. They are stupid asswholes and dont deserve to live.’ Many would probably get offended, including yourself, so why not say ‘Everyone should kill themselves, they are stupid, and don’t deserve to live.’ There! Now everyone gets hate.

    • Deerman says:

      *Uno reverse card*

    • Ash says:

      Josh,
      do not forget that not everybody gets a whole ass

      “Since you have done a half-ass job, you will receive half an ass!” The Great Pirate Solomon grabbed his ceremonial scimitar and struck his remaining donkey, cleaving it in two.

  6. Religion and Culture Student says:

    In your hate mail you said that this religion was created while the person was on drugs. I’m guessing you are Christian because of the words you used like sin and hell. Therefore I would like to remind you that the prophets and the writers of the Bible were high and drunk off their ass. And i would like to point out that you believe in a relgion based off a book that’s 2700 years old and a pregnant woman who claims she didn’t have sex.

    • basicdesign says:

      The poor guy clearly doesn’t know that he himself is producing DMT, GHB and morphine daily without fail. Someone should tell him about them endogenous drugs, that way he’ll likely save us the trouble by promptly auto-da-fe-ing himself.

    • basicdesign says:

      “pregnant woman who claims she didn’t have sex”: hey, she never claimed any such thing, was too demure to talk about sex and anyway it’s entirely irrelevant so she wouldn’t have bothered even mentioning it. The only ones who ever claimed that which you mention, are the low-rank sneaks that jumped on the band-wagon.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Since always, women with unwanted pregnancies have been claiming they never had sex. Toilet seats have always been popular. I’m surprised Mary escaped being stoned to death for adultery. Claiming a ghost did it would only make things worse.

        • basicdesign says:

          Very true, very true. Good thing she didn’t try it some 1200 yrs after she actually did: she’d have been burnt as a witch. By her own supporters too, as a whiff of immanent justice perhaps…

  7. Deerman says:

    He says we will burn, but he does not know that the FSM would never let that happen to us.

    • Pappardelle says:

      Burned pasta smell is terrible. I’m not sure whether we should let him get away with such blasphemy. Other religions have solutions for that like stoning.

      • Mr. Hankey says:

        Pappardelle, the nearest Pastafarian equivalent would involve strong weed.

      • Ash says:

        would it be acceptable to drown him in sauce?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Only in your imagination, Ash. Anyway, why ruin a good dish.

  8. TheArchon says:

    My understanding is that Pastafarian hell is just like Pastafarian paradise, except that the beer volcano produces stale beer, and the stripper factory produces ugly strippers. On arrival in our hell, the deluded person who thought he was going to get 92 virgins discovers that there aren’t any such critters around, and that the only thing to drink is what his former religion said he could not drink (beer). At that moment of illumination, some will say something like, “Oh, bleep! The FSM was the real one, after all!” and will, as a new believer, in the blink of an eye be transported to Pastafarian paradise. The FSM likes a good laugh.

    • Orzo says:

      92 Virgins ? Sounds like work where I have to deal with inexperienced incompetence. I’d prefer just a couple of good slappers. Experience is under-rated.

    • Ash says:

      i’d heard the strippers were not ugly but had STDs. Though a simple change gets you good beer and healthy strippers.

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