You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.



I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 



2,393 Responses to “You sicken me”

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  1. Sam Carliner says:

    Why would anyone be stupid enough to worship a god that sends kind people to hell, people that help other people and are kind, just because they don’t have a certain set of beliefs?

    • Satan says:

      What sane mind would invent Me? I’m not persuaded that ‘stupidity’ is the defining factor. People with psychoses are often highly ‘intelligent’, yet spin ever-more-complex explanations to retain their delusions. Without religion they would be declared insane. It validates their insanity and unpleasant desires.

      I suggest that religion is the purest form of politics because it rationalises a lack of humanity and empathy. They want power over you.

      I marvel at the amount of time, money and effort devoted to fundamentalism. I suggest it is a type of ‘luxury’ for people with too much time on their hands and access to slaves, fossil fuels or productive members of a community to parasitise. Without these they would starve.

      All I did was run a sauna and adult theme park (Google: Garden of Heavenly Delights) and look how they maligned Me.

      Pasta Arians (left to demonstrate how even spell check conspires against FSM) see though the scam.

      • Devil's Advocate says:

        My Client meant: Garden of Earthly Delights.

    • ConservativePastafarian says:

      People choose their deities and worship clubs according to the things they want. Some people want to believe they get another chance in a place called heaven, after they have finished with their corporeal form, so they choose a deity which promises that.

  2. Romo Lampkin says:

    I think that the “Special place” that we will be in is discribed in detail if you read the Inferno. A book that was a justification for things such as the Spanish Inquisition (Which no one expected). So if you are basing that “Special place” from that book justifies the Spanish Inquisition, then you are an ignorant fuck. (Despite my opinions of the historical context of the book, I do actually love that book).

    Also I apologize if this is really scatterbrained. I am extreamly sleep deprived.

    One last thing, at the part where you ASSUME (Yes, you are making assumtions) that the people who founded this religion were tripping balls (Or however you were shaming them for being high), look at all the thing that came from people that were as high as a flagpole. The Beatles. Alice and Wonderland. Edgar Allen Poe. Sherlock Holms. Chris Farley. John Balushi.

  3. Rawing says:

    I agree with Bobby, “need more information”; but not just on this “special place in hell”. This hatemail is a completely useless rage-induced chunk of text without ANY arguments, suggestions, or the like. All I can say in reply is: I’m sorry for disgusting you and I, too, hope I’ll see the truth, whatever it may be.

    • Keith says:

      I may seem obsessive but I still haven’t had a good explanation about the “on the table after the last war” business. It intrigues me because it seems to be offered as an alternative to Hell. Apparently we are devoted to “sin of all things”. I’m afraid that despite pushing 60 I still have not had the opportunity to experience everything, let alone the sin connected with everything.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        Keith, not that this is much help, but I Googled “Armageddon table” and saw a hit ( see http://www.truebiblecode.com ) that suggests that those *saved* after Armageddon will have a nice dinner. (…..Furthermore, people will come from eastern parts and western, and from north and south, and will recline at the table in the kingdom of God (Luke 13)…. ) Our pal Chance might be suggesting that we’re gonna be cooked as a main course for the righteous, what do you think?

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Gotta love the X-tians. First zombies, now cannibalism…

        • Keith says:

          Since the site only quotes chapters and not verses I went through Luke 13 in my KJ version and the only similar reference I could find was “13:29 “And they shall come from the east and from the west, and from the north and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of god” There isn’t any mention of a table in my version. However, Luke 22:30 talks about “That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel”. When I sit on the throne I read a book to pass the time.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Keith, thanks, your scholarship more thorough than mine, for sure, LOL; unless Chance returns from HIS throne to clear things up, we may never know….

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          @Rev Wulff Cannibalism is central to Catholicism. Pastafarians are not the only folk who eat their god. Ours is tastier and more nutritious, though.

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Pete, I’m well aware of worshipers eating their god. This was directed at the implication that the x-tians would get to eat the non-x-tians.

  4. flopcat says:

    If i pay the 20 bucks to become a minister can i then make back my money selling noodle indulgences? And could they be chocolate covered ?

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I particularly like the idea of buying future Indulgences. Aaaaaarghhhhh……Do you have a scale of fees? What say, is the price of forgiveness for a bit of pillage? Do you give a guarantee?

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        Flopcat should give the same guarantees as Christianity. In 2,000 years not ONE supplicant has come back from the after-life to complain or demand a refund for time spent on useless praying. Now THAT’S a business model to admire!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Those are the guarantees that I like; though, I do believe that Indulgences, paid for in cash, are acceptable defence in a worldly court as well.
          FCD, you should be dipped in chocolate and thrown to the Lesbians. Aaaaarghhhhh…..

    • FCD says:

      No, flopcat, you may not Chocolate-coat noodle indulgences. Chocolate-coating is restricted to followers of the Farting Chocolate Dude, hence Pastafarians may not infringe on this practice. You may want to convert to Dudeism if you are fixated on a Chocolate fetish.

  5. Emma says:

    Well you see whateverthehellyournamewas, I DON’T BELIEVE IN HELL!!!!!!! so telling me that i’m going to hell makes no difference to me at all. actually, i enjoy it when someone tells me im going to hell, because then I can laugh inside at the idiot who still thinks hell exists.

  6. anonayms says:

    why do you guys care. I mean come on! They’re not doing any harm! Also since I will supposidly be going to that special place in hell, can you tell me if they’re will be cake and if so what flavor?

    • Keith says:

      People have probably already told you that the cake is a lie but I have heard that it is actually Devil’s Food Cake. I don’t know which Devil they are referring to as there are so many in the hierarchy. I look forward to sharing it with you when we are not standing beside the beer volcano or ogling near the stripper factory.

  7. dfgbagdzgbzfgbs says:

    this is pure bullshit! thanls

  8. ConservativePastafarian says:

    Blasphemy can only be committed by a believer. To say this is blasphemous is not correct, in this context. As I do not believe in anything taught by any of the churches, I can express any opinion I like, make any joke, or for that matter mock, if I want to without committing blasphemy. It is only a perceived offence. Perceived by the management of your superstition club, to keep persons like yourself in thrall and obedience. You must learn to present your argument without projecting the requirements of your superstition club upon others.

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