You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.



I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 



2,393 Responses to “You sicken me”

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  1. Jesus Christ says:

    You say idolize like you don’t idolize your diety. You’re going to hell, just as much as the next guy.

    • Keith says:

      I think I have as much chance of going to Atlantis for my next holiday as I have of going to hell.

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        I hear the water’s lovely this time of year. I took Wifey to a little restaurant on the moon last week. Good food, but there was no atmosphere.

        • Lunatequ says:

          That’s just lunarcy, dude…

    • Charlie Farlie says:

      I have been told that when you get to hell there will be weeping and wailing and much gnashing of teeth

      When I mentioned that I have false teeth I was informed that teeth would be provided for gnashing

      Is this true?

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Yes, Charlie, of course it’s true. Have you ever been told a falsehood by the clergy? Better to become a Pastafarian and spend eternity in Pastafarian Paradise at the base of the beer volcano (steins will be provided).

  2. Marcusar says:

    I feel very sorry for all or you… and will pray for you!!


    • Keith says:

      I always feel offended when people say they will pray for me. They are implying that there is something wrong with my life.

      • ziddina says:

        Either that, or more likely they’re saying that there’s something SERIOUSLY wrong with their own lives, since their lives seem so terribly empty that they must make up imaginary friends – or borrow someone else’s imaginary friend instead.

        • Keith says:

          In that case, Madam Foster’s Home would be a good place to start. I’m certain she would have the occasional god dumped on the doorstep when some nine year old kid started to grow up.

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        I’ve always found the thought of people praying for me to be similar to their condemning me to hell. The equivalent of a hippy telling me that they’re going to punch me in the aura. Neither good wishes nor bad make a lick of difference if it’s all based on bullshit. Having said that, I do find myself pissed off when people offer prayers. I often tell them to do something actually useful for a change.

        I mostly object to the assumption that I subscribe to their beliefs as though it’s a given, and the implied “rightness” of said beliefs simply because they are being charitable in their own fashion. I, in the less charitable moments of my own, have been known to respond with a cheerful “that’s lovely, now how about you fuck off?”. Don’t pray for the victims of disease etc, do something productive like donate blood. And whatever you do, don’t donate to religious charities. Secular charities are pretty bad for basically embezzling funds (I unfortunately know from first-hand experience) and by account from others with similar experience, religious charities are even worse! (C’mon, anyone surprised? Anyone? )

        • Keith says:

          I daresay you need look no further than Mother Teresa when you want to look at bogus religious charities.

  3. Guido Arbia says:

    First, I never said that I owned morality, nor did I make any such implication. You deny the absolute precision and authority of a moral standard, because you say that the difference between right and wrong depends on context and culture. Then you suggest, like many others, that Christians in history were violent, and were followers of an evil god, and you complain about things like intellectual dishonesty and twisted morals. And while you defend these two assertions, failing to see the contradiction between them, you accuse me of committing several logical fallacies, and of presenting claims with no valid reasoning.

    And you don’t realize, that the claim that right and wrong is subjective, and the claim that Christians have carried out evil deeds throughout history, are two claims that cannot both be true. For you acknowledge no standard by which you can measure their actions, but you fault the God of Abraham for not following such a standard. Yet you indicate, by saying there is no absolute right and wrong, that genocide is acceptable. Then you tell me, and everyone who sees your words, that my reasoning is flawed, because I haven’t given you empirical evidence, when you haven’t even made a coherent argument.

    And this whole parody, built upon doctrines of spaghetti and meatballs, intended to mimic the alleged absurdity of the Christian faith, also suffers from the same incoherence, because the arguments used are not faithful to the true form of the arguments used to defend the Christian faith. And being a mockery so poor, it proves itself foolish, but it does not prove a thing that is foolish about the Christian faith.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      “For you acknowledge no standard by which you can measure their actions”.
      OK, how’s this? Murder is wrong. Genocide and infanticide are worse. Slavery is an abomination. Rape can’t be excused by marrying the victim.

      • Guido Arbia says:

        I just want to be honest and tell you I don’t know everything. But what I know, I will try to explain. That message was directed at someone who was arguing that morality is relative, meaning right and wrong differs from culture to culture. That person was also saying what you’re saying, and asking the same question. My response was that he couldn’t make such a claim about God doing wrong because he didn’t believe there was such a thing as right and wrong.

        So about the standard you’re giving. First, I’ll have you know that the last one is not even mentioned in the Bible. There is a verse in Deuteronomy about a man paying money to a father, and marrying someone if he tries to have sex with her and she doesn’t say no. This is the clearest interpretation because in the verse immediately before it, it says that if a man forces a woman then he should be put to death. Now if the author was smart enough to write those two verses, then he surely was smart enough not to contradict himself enough in those verses, because they are right next to each other, and they are talking about the same type of laws. It’s also clear that this was the intended meaning, because it says, “if he lays hold on her, and they both are found”. So the meaning there is that they are both responsible for the act, because she didn’t say no. It’s no different than guys making advances today on girls that don’t respect themselves and freely give them what they ask for. You can accuse me of stretching the context, but there is really no question about that the intended meaning of that verse.

        Murder is wrong because God says it’s wrong, and so is genocide and infanticide for the same reason. But because some of the nations were so corrupted and so evil, and because no one is the entire nation could be redeemed, even the infants, since their minds were utterly tainted, God commanded the Israelites to wipe them out. You might say, “Well, children are innocent. Why couldn’t they raise them to be different?” The fact is, they lived in such a corrupt society, that their minds were already completely overwhelmed with evil, and there was no way that they were ever going to be redeemed. So, rather than letting them grow up with the Isrealites, and corrupting the rest of them, God commanded them to wipe them out. After that, God took the infants to heaven, because they lacked accountability, seeing they were too young to make a conscious decision about right and wrong. If they grew up in their sin, they would have attained accountability, and God would have to punish them for ever.

        We know that God’s purpose is wiping them out was to judge them for their evil, because we read in Genesis, “And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years. And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and afterward shall they come out with great substance. And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age. But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full.” So basically, God is telling Abraham, that Egypt is going to enslave his descendants for four hundred years, and then God is going to rescue the Hebrews from the Egyptians, and is going to use the Israelites are an instrument to punish the Amorites, because by the time the Hebrews get out of Egypt, all the chances to repent for the Amorites will have been used up, and their sin will have reach its full measure. This is also true about the Cananites, and all the other nations which God wiped out through the Israelites.

        If God didn’t wipe these people out, they would have done something far worse than anything Hitler would have done. God didn’t want their wickedness spreading throughout the rest of the world, so God commandment his people to carry out his judgment. And God has every right to do this, because he created them, and they broke his law, and were so wicked that they have no hope of ever being redeemed. They didn’t just bow down to statues. They sacrifice their children and did every wicked thing they could. Historians might disagree, but we are talking about the God of the Bible, and if you believe He is a fictional character, then you must judge him by the details given in the so called fictional book. But God is not fictional, and neither is the book.

        Does that help?

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          Guido, you talk about the author contradicting himself in the Bible, but the fact is there were many authors and editors of what we now call the bible, and contradictions abound. Not what you’d expect from “the word of god”.

        • IWorshipHisNoodlyAppendage says:

          So what you’re saying, really, is that morals are relative. It’s not ok to kill children, UNLESS they’re morally tainted (please tell me how an infant who can’t even speak yet becomes morally tainted. I’d love to know that one. Is evil spread through the air or water or something?)

    • Lunatequ says:

      I get the feeling that this website is not right for you, mate. Sorry to say it.
      You’re in a place where your beliefs will clash with the beliefs of others, which rarely seems to end well for either party.
      Whilst I know that both sides of these arguments have valid and outright unreasonable arguments, I think sheer numbers are against you.

      It’s good that you have faith to keep you going, but these others also have their own faiths. Preaching like this just won’t work with these people; they’re here because they don’t want to be preached to; they want to ridicule.
      As a child, I have no real understanding of the adult world and why people feel the need to constantly bicker like this, but I can see that commenting such things on a website where people are openly against what you have to say is not the best idea you’ve had in your life.
      I would like to advise you to simply leave these people to their own devices and live your life the way you want to live it. I don’t think Mr. Christ wanted people to argue like this. If both sides are willing to sit down and have a reasonable discussion about the topic, then, by all means, discuss. I just think that for your mental wellbeing, you should simply ignore these people until they decide to stop being so ridiculous and abusive. I do not believe in any deity, I just want everyone to get along.
      Good day to you.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Lunatequ, you believe that Pastafarians are ridiculous and abusive. You think that our primary goal is to ridicule people like Guido Arbia. I’ll admit that we can be very abusive to those who post their missionary messages of hell and damnation here. First, we didn’t invite them to post here. Second, these foaming-at-the-mouth fundamentalists are exactly the sort that want to insert their religious dogma in science classes in public schools. Opposing the teaching of superstitious beliefs as equally valid knowledge is the purpose of this site.

        Evangelicals in America have the constitutionally-guaranteed right to teach their beliefs in their churches and in their homes. If they totally disagree with what is taught in public schools, they can enroll their children in parochial schools or home-teach them. But they may not insert the teaching of Creationism or Intelligent Design in biology classes in public schools. That is our stance, and we will totally defend it.

        The parody idea of a Flying Spaghetti Monster, an alternate deity, whose creation of the world should be be included in science classes is a form of ridicule.

        You say that you are a child and that you do not believe in any deity. By your excellent use of the English language, you demonstrate a high level of intelligence and maturity. Your advice to Mr. Arbia is good. He should take his preaching to a site where it is welcomed. It is not welcome here, and he is not open-minded to our raison d’etre of keeping religious mythology out of science classrooms.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        Lunatequ, you might notice that what goes around, comes around. If someone comes here and wants to have a reasonable discussion, they are treated with respect, for the most part. That’s rare. They most often ride in on their high horse showing no respect in our “house of worship”, and we savage him.

        Personally, I don’t know how a fundy HAS a reasoned discussion. What facts do they present? Quoting their Great Big Book of Heavily Edited Fables just doesn’t cut it.

  4. Guido Arbia says:

    Unfortunately for you, your arguments were proven wrong, but you refused to acknowledge that they were proven wrong, and chose instead to ignore all reasoning.

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      I choose to ignore you. You’re a fuckwit. And a waste of my time.

      • Guido Arbia says:

        I will be praying that God opens your eyes to the truth. I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just trying to make you understand the truth. Sorry for not being as patient as I should be. That wasn’t the best approach. Again, I am really sorry that my previous behavior put you off to real Christianity. Please understand that even if you think I haven’t changed, that doesn’t mean Christians in general are like that. Even people that preach the gospel sometimes are not saved themselves, but the gospel is still true. However, I believe I am a child of God.

        • derpderp says:

          I always wanted to know what “real” Christianity felt like. Is it like that rushing overwhelming sensation when your pastor hugs you as a 12 year old boy and you feel something you’ve never felt before. Oh I’m sorry did I say hug I meant play with my penis.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          I tend to hold things as “true” when they have facts on their side – not against them. The Gospel is NOT true. Too much of it has been proved fantasy, not history – let alone the parts that are just ridiculous (the Great Flood, a mountain top where you can see the whole world, the sun stopping in the sky, etc.).

  5. Georgia says:

    Your best friend seems helluva lot nice than you. Just saying.

  6. Follower of my little pony says:

    I think this imaginary place you call “hell” sounds fun! Seriously if all there fun/strong/artistic and questioning people are “going” there, well the churh of MLP knows there will be a massive party, ill have to bring lollies! and all you people who believe this all loving dude punishes those who think he’s a public stunt of conformity miss out (we’ll save you a slice of cake)
    Also, I thought in the bible it referred to GOD determining the faithful to the unfaithf, not anyone who’s angry judging someone’s place in your religions world. Are you saying also that you distrust your gods judgement of an individual?

    your awesome spaghetti monster! Mlp and you should become friends! Friendship is magic!

    • Farting Chocolate Dude says:

      Let us establish a trinity: MLP, FSM, and FCD. The Farting Chocolate Dude welcomes true believers to His Theobromo cacao Paradise where they will be eternally engulfed in His chocolatey flatulence. Believers are encouraged to make the pilgrimage to Hershey, Pennsylvania, and be baptized in the Tabernacle of The Latter Day Dude. Let the Magic begin!

      • Keith says:

        I think that in all fairness if you are going to merge (or marry) religions it should be a quaternity. Ceiling cat should not be ignored.

        • Invisible Pink Unicorn says:

          But what about me? Am I to be ignored like some false idol?


      • Follower of my little pony says:

        Sure! MLP sees friendship as magic!

  7. Pyro Manic says:

    I just want to offer an opinion on the whole crucifixion story deal – this is also, in a kinder sense, a question.
    From what I know of the story, the son of god (who knows everything ever) sacrificed himself to save us from our sin. His body took on our sins, and with his death ‘freed’ us from eternal sin – as in we still sin, but we can be forgiven or whatever.
    What I hear most often from people talking about it (Christian people), is that he died to save us, so much pain, such a sacrifice, he did it for us, etc.
    Can I just say, he is a FUCKING. GOD. no amount of pain from dying in a mortal body (which he then brought back to life three days later. Which you know, is perfectly sound in a realistic world), no amount of pain from that could hurt him.
    Lets just think of him (for now) as a god. He is all-powerful, omniscient, and yeah, a god. Do you really think that him being killed on a cross would be that bad?
    Now, his son (who is supposed to be god as well, but not god), he is the one that dies on the cross. One death. One single, quick execution for being ‘heretic’ or something.
    One death is not a significant amount of pain and sacrifice to make up for millennia of breaking a fundamental law.
    Also, people die for things, for ideas, day in and day out. Do they get worshipped? NO. Yet some man who died for something which people wrote about after, he gets worshiped as being a saviour and a holy man.
    People die for much more noble causes all the time, and yet they get nothing for it. Sometimes their sacrifice even becomes worthless because no one around them is intelligent enough to see what good they did.but it doesn’t matter to them, because they have a bigger picture in mind, and they know that they’re commitment, no matter how small, can change the world.

    My back point I’m trying to make (and debate if people disagree) is that a death on a cross for a son of a god is not a sacrifice worth celebrating and worshipping that man for.

    Thank you

    • Keith says:

      Especially when the god seems to change his mind over what is sinful.

  8. EmmittBrownBTTF1 says:

    Dear antipastafarian,
    We don’t believe in Hell, it sounds blasphemous. Just do the best you can, be kind to all and we’ll see you by the beer volcano, later we’ll check out the stripper factory.

    Remember he boiled for you sins, may you be touched by his noodly appendage.

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