A Warning

Published April 9th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

While I am not of your "religion". I will not trash your website like the majority of the blundering baboons around here, instead I am here to support not your religion, but your attempt to keep religion and education separate. The constitution gives the people not only of freedom of religion but freedom from it. By teaching religion in any public school you are effectively taking away that right. Many, however argue that it is by "majority rules" that the teaching is decided. This argument is stultifying to many of  the proponents of this argument, because if this was true, slavery would still be legal.

I am a Hindu and have an open mind to virtually all religions. I know that this religion is not a real religion; but an attempt to show the errors and flaws of most organized religion and those who support it’s full integration into state affairs. I support your attempt to show how religion should not be taught in public education. The majority of people ranting on your website are not venting against the concept of separation of religion and public education, but against your satire of their religion.

Yet, I must warn you not to take this to far. You’re tab with the word hate mail is almost doing this. I am not worried too much about this, but the whole thing will make some people very irate. It might push some maniac over the edge and cause them to grab a gun and go after you. This has happened in the past, remember Malcolm X? Thus, I propose that you put somewhere on your front page of the site, that this is not an actual religion but an attempt to keep religion out of public schools.

Thank You,

A concerned supporter


I don’t think Nikhil meant direct criticism (or veiled threat) with this message.  

I take issue with the idea of real religion, as if such a thing can be defined and agreed upon.  I’ve said it in the past and I still believe strongly that there is no classification of religion without agenda.  I don’t expect mainstream religion (or a government influenced by mainstream religion) to see ours as a real religion because there is every incentive to see us as something else.  A joke, a way to mock their beliefs.  They will see us in terms that serve their purpose.

Most Pastafarians do want to keep religion out of schools, most of us are against tax exemptions (and indirect subsidies) for religious institutions.  We object to the power religion is allowed in government, and the excuses made for leaders of religion.  We’re saddened that it’s still seen as improper to criticize anything related to mainstream religion.

But this isn’t just because we’re Pastafarians.  It’s because Pastafarians are rational, reasonable, intelligent people who are not driven by any particular dogmatic thinking.  We are individuals who reject the concept of faith-over-reason, of indoctrination, and the fact that we’ve formed a group does not mean that we’ve come to these conclusions because that’s the group opinion.

Why does humor invalidate our beliefs?  I see this argument all the time and don’t understand it.  The idea that FSM is not an actual religion because it’s satire or this or that is obviously a joke – so what?  I’d argue that for the same reason Jon Stewart’s Daily Show has value as actual news, FSM has value as actual religion.  Different, yes, but that is the point.  Not everyone gets it – but again, that is the point.  We reject lowest common denominator indoctrination in favor of nuanced thinking

Is it just that mainstream religion is so utterly humorless?  Most religious people I know have a great sense of humor but I think they would agree that the institution of religion is rigid and stifling.  There are obvious areas where it’s not ok to make a joke.  One of the creepiest things I find about religion is that feeling that everyone is trying to act very serious. 

Our religion may not fit the definition of real religion as defined by outsiders.   But make no mistake – we have no ambition for FSM to be similar to mainstream religions.  How we’re classified is not important to us.  And while we understand that not everyone will get what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, it’s not our intention to offend – but nor is it our highest priority to avoid offense. 

172 Responses to “A Warning”

  1. Ronster says:

    I think calling hate-mailers “baboons” and “loons” is disrespectful to the baboons and loons.

  2. Midnight Rider says:



    What or whom defines a real religion? Someone (who is self) important? An important scripture? Tax exempt status? I tend to feel that institutionalized tax exempt religious organizations and the dogma they spew are bullshit, therefore “real religion” imho would be “real bullshit” which of course is an oxymoron.

    Why should we keep things hush hush here? This is America! (Ok, I’m in America, anyway) We have free speech , do we not? Fundamentalist religionist have no problem speaking their mind, why should we? If no one speaks up against idiocy, then idiocy will reign.

  3. Princess Psycho says:

    Well fair enough, still the hate mail is really quite funny especially the lack of spelling, grammar or logical thought. Still ever though if it is a religion there is the lucrative tax free status so more profit to sell various goods, tshirts, posters and the gospel of the FSM. For a letter pointing out the flaws of the Kansas state school board Bobby Henderson has made quite a few bucks and a hell of a lot more honestly than those TV evangelists and he likes pirates come on Pirates are cool well since Johnny Depp was Captain Jack Sparrow and given that pirates chased the Westboro baptists they can only be cooler.

  4. wholly wheat says:

    As the FSM said, “Eat me.”

    • Ham Nox says:

      Really? I thought for sure it was “Bite Me”.

  5. blake says:

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…
    where exactly does the constitution mention “freedom FROM religion?” providing freedom FROM religion would probably necessitate some sort of prohibition of the free exercise thereof wouldn’t it? maybe all houses of worship would have to be leveled? that would take some BIG balls…

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Reread the statement, specifically “prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. Note the clause: “free exercise”. It means that as an individual or as a society, we can FREELY practice, worship, and observe a religion of our choosing, or more to the point, FREE to choose not worship anything.

    • I'm Brian and so's my wife says:

      This is the same flawed logic that we find in legislation like the Defense of Marriage Act.

      My individual right to be free from religion is not effected by other people practicing one, any more than gay marriage has any effect on my straight marriage.

      • Brian says:

        Indeed our mighty FSM supports gay marriage! By his decree, we are all free to reach out and touch his noodly appendage and so forth!…

  6. Daryl says:

    In answer to the question: Don’t religions have a sense of humor? A sense of incest? Yes. Mass murder and ethnic cleansing? Yes. Slavery? Sure why not, it beats paying minimum wage. But humor? I think Noah loaded up only the male humor animal, or left the female on board. So after God wiped the human race off the face of the earth for the second time (or was that the first, and Sodom and Gamorrah the second? I forget), a reproducible humor creature couldn’t exist. Sad really.

    • Captain Mikebeard says:

      Luckily for we future generations, hilarious floats.

      • Brian says:

        Yaaaaagghrrrrrrrrrrrr harhar! Tis a good floaty one ye derived!

    • Noodles says:

      Glad you mentioned Noah.

      I have to confess, I was always a bit pissed at him for taking a pair of GAY Unicorns with him on the ark.

      • Thomas L. Nielsen says:

        And the bastard left the T-Rex’es behind! Peaceful religion is all well and good, but that one’s still gonna land him a smack upside the head with a bunch of al dente spaghetti if I ever run into the old fart.

        Regards & all, rAmen and Aarrrr….

        Thomas L. Nielsen
        T-Rex Breeding Project

        *) There’s the problem right there, what with Luxembourg being such a small country. Belgium is complaining that the T-Rex is endangering their livestock, and Germany is complaining about the pooping. We’re currently trying to move the project to the Vatican in the hope that this will alleviate the problem.

  7. S-Y says:

    As noted before, we here are all true Pastafarians, even though we don’t interpret the teachings literally. Pastafarianism, despite falling under the definition of religion, has had a notorious lack of recognition by bigoted governments, organizations, and others who push their own agendas and religions in, just because we don’t agree with them and believe that a tangle of spaghetti with two giant meatballs and eyes makes for an awesome god.

  8. troll lololololol says:

    Accept Arceus as your creator and receive a FREE pokedex! I Repeat,

    Accept Arceus as your creator and receive a FREE pokedex!

    Call right now at 1-800-Arceus! 1-800-Arceus!

    • Brian says:

      Aargh! FSM’s tyin’ up the phone again!

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