Are you a retard?

Published February 3rd, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I saw your retarded website and asked myself "why?" but then, there are a lot of crackheads in the world, and you seem to be one of the more insane ones. That is a joke website, right? Can you honestly tell yourself that you truly believe in this load of shit? Pasta is an inanimate food object. It cannot fly. It does not have eyes. It never was and never will be alive and breathing. For your own health, I ask you to stop whatever the hell you’re smoking.


444 Responses to “Are you a retard?”

  1. Roderick, Rutgers Pastafarians Purser says:

    Of course pasta cannot have eyes. They are seasoned onto His noodley appendages, like divine spices we cannot comprehend the Flavour and cooking style of.

  2. AnnaBananaCreamPie says:

    I’m so sad that humans seem to be losing their sense of humor every day. It must suck to be them. How does one fine any joy in life without laughter? How does one find meaning without a smile? Even the Christian God was a trickster. Even Jesus liked to tell stories. Why are these people so threatened by anything “different?” Why is science the enemy? Can you honestly not reconcile evolution with a greater force? The Literals. Joylessly seeking information on the internet to debunk and destroy. Go blow something up. Preferably with you in it.

  3. Mr. A says:

    Ok, I agree that this person is an idiot and deserving of the scorn heaped upon him/her by everyone so far. But I have to point out that there’s no reason to believe that “spf” is a bible-thumper, or indeed belongs to any kind of religion at all. And I don’t think that this is the kind of well-meaning religious person that Bobby was asking everyone to be nicer to. This person is just a dumb asshole, religious or not.

    • gordon_uk says:

      I agree with Mr. A

      As now see what Bobby is saying, though this ‘spf’ is a complete knob-end at no point has he indicated that he himself is religious in anyway but some of the response has assumed that he is. So I can see how some of the likeminded theists (i.e. those that agree with our main principals and don’t try to ‘save us’) who stumble across our site may feel we are the intolerant ones by quickly assuming that morons like ‘spf’ are part of their group.

  4. Rod says:

    HahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed about that until my stomach hurt with a passion, then I laughed even harder! He is soooo funny! And I totally agree with him, this is just kind of messed up, can’t you all see that? How the hell do you pray to a spaghetti????? Seriously????

    • Insightful Ape says:

      How the hell do you pray to a zombie? Seriously?

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        A zombie on a stick, mind you.

        • Cheese says:

          A telepathic zombie nailed to a stick.

        • JamesL says:

          99 telepathic zombies on a stick, 99 zombies on a stick, take one down, nail him down, 98 telepathic zombies on a stick!

        • SouleSlayere says:

          Like Bobby said earlier, don’t assume that just cause he’s an asshole means he must be a Christian. I know plenty of Athiests and Evolutionists who don’t understand His Divine Noodleyness. Not all Christians are assholes, and not all assholes are Christians.

  5. potato29 says:

    The FSM is not real so quit with the crap and get on with your pathetic lifes

    • Insightful Ape says:

      Why won’t you stop trolling the web and get on with your pathetic life?

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      So pathetic that YOU are here… Yeah, we have sunk to a new low…

    • SouleSlayere says:

      Fuck you sir. We are pathetic, and you are a FUCKING POTATO!!!

  6. potato29 says:

    quit with the crack meth and crap

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      I bet you did not know potatoes are “vegetables”. Considering your post, makes perfect sense.

  7. Danimal says:

    Potato29 has:
    1. Inability to use punctuation
    2. Poor grammar
    3. Shown up slinging insults first and asking questions later
    4. Obviously failed to read the about tab
    All this packed into a few short messages. Trolls are nothing if not efficient with their stupidity.

    • tekhedd says:

      Don’t feed the trolls!

      (Well, I mean, if you’ve invited them for dinner that’s different, but those are real trolls, I’m talking here about forum trolls. You know what I mean. Oh never mind.)

      • Danimal says:

        “Don’t feed the trolls”

        This brings to mind an image of a troll zoo where troll-biologists painstakingly recreate a troll habitat. Complete with a Plexiglas shield around the troll pen to protect patrons from trolls flinging poo and stupid opinions in equal measure. Maybe we could include this at the FSM theme park.

        • Keith says:

          I would suggest shining the light of His Noodliness on them. Since trolls can’t stand the sunlight, the light emanating from the FSM will have an even greater impact on them.

      • B. says:

        “If you invite trolls for dinner, you shall serve them liver”

        – Ancient proverb

        • Keith says:

          I see someone’s been hitting the “dislike” button: we must have touched a nerve there!

        • harddirt says:

          You should not invite trolls to dinner. You should HAVE trolls for dinner. They are delicious when properly sliced and smothered in piles of spaghetti. Don’t use any pepper, tho. They are spicy enough.

  8. gordon_uk says:

    “Pasta is an inanimate food object. It cannot fly. It does not have eyes. It never was and never will be alive and breathing”

    – That’s not strictly true, if I eat the spaghetti my body takes in what is needed and absorbs it in to my body therefore as part of me it then becomes ‘alive’.

    “I saw your retarded website and asked myself “why?” but then”

    – So did you miss the big button with ‘about’ on it?

    • Jameswaldo says:

      Let us also address the issue of flying: pasta can and does fly. You can prove this in your kitchen. In fact, some pastafarians (I myself among them) love to see the noodles fly fiercely at the Clean Wall. If they stick there, and at the same time pass the tooth test (al dente is de rigeur), with just a needly tiny bit of brighter light at the cross section carefully nipped, then They Are Done and may be Eaten with Pleasure.
      ps, dear retard, all sorts of inanimate objects fly. Perhaps you’ve never been to an airport? Or maybe you flunk the screening? Or did you think those planes were alive and breathing?

      • Keith says:

        Strictly speaking I would say that the FSM is a Hovering Spaghetti Monster. Flying is used with great abandon in the English language to refer to anything that moves through the air, whether it be ballistically propelled, gliding, moving by some weird as yet undiscovered means or by differences in air pressure.
        Spaghetti may not “fly” but the FSM does. He is a god and can do what he likes. The major difference between the FSM and the Judaeo-Christian god is that at the start the FSM made up his mind what he wanted and doesn’t keep changing it.

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