Are you a retard?

Published February 3rd, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I saw your retarded website and asked myself "why?" but then, there are a lot of crackheads in the world, and you seem to be one of the more insane ones. That is a joke website, right? Can you honestly tell yourself that you truly believe in this load of shit? Pasta is an inanimate food object. It cannot fly. It does not have eyes. It never was and never will be alive and breathing. For your own health, I ask you to stop whatever the hell you’re smoking.


444 Responses to “Are you a retard?”

  1. Tom says:

    I’m going to eat an extra helping of meatballs tonight and pray to His mighty noodlyness that this poor, misguided soul may be saved.


    • rover serton says:

      I consider his noodleness pure and good. Associating him with meatballs seems, in its purest form, a bit of a sacrilege. I am new to his holy water boiled goodness so please let me know what I am doing wrong on my Wednesday (prince spagetti night) offering. Meatballs or non for a orthodox pastafarian?

      • iconografer says:

        my brother, you are free to follow the erisian principle of chaos. if you prefer orthodoxy, then yes, you must have meatballs–to do otherwise is to encourage a schism–which you should if you want to, it makes life interesting.

  2. Noodles Now says:

    Praise good sauce and butteryness! Bow down to the mighty Noodle God!

  3. plumberbob says:

    @ -spf,

    Perhaps if you were smart enough to read and follow the directions that were clearly given to you when you entered our site, you would have had your questions answered. After reading the Open Letter and the “About” tab material, you could have learned:

    1) Our mission is the exclusion of religious mythology from the science curricula of public schools.

    2) Our theology is a satire that neither depends on, nor is derivative of any other religion.

    3) We insist that any school board that includes any religious mythology in their science curricula, must also include ours.

    Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
    H. L. Mencken
    US editor (1880 – 1956 )


  4. Lioss says:

    dear spf
    For the health…Is that a threat?Are you a terrorist?No?Well,you tlak like them.
    Does pastafarianism cause you pain or injury?Are we still allowed to think what we want?

    Gosh,do you think sometimes before writing such idioty?Do you know something called humour?

    • Wench Melody (UK) says:

      It seems to me that trolls of this kind simply reinforce the notion held by many of us here that too many religious folk are fundamentally stupid, sanctimonious, humourless, judgemental bores, reacting to anything that might just provoke a glimmer of cerebral activity with the same degree of thought as a sea-anemone grabbig its prey.

      I’m reluctant to think such cretinous behavious is typical of the majority of the religious, but from the sample we see on this site, I am left wondering …..

      M x

      • Lioss says:

        Unfortunatly,the stupid minority makes often much more noise than the open minded (well,indifferent at least) majority.

      • Atsap Revol says:


        You left out a few adjectives: slime-sucking, crap-eating, and bible-thumping, to name three. Oh…I forgot, we are supposed to be nice to these visitors to our site. Apologies!


        • rickyroll says:

          @Atsap REvol

          I was casually reading down through these comments, I disagree with most but it was entertaining. I am a christian who enjoys a solid debate and a good joke. there can be a little of both found on this site. Then I came across your comment, and felt the need to respond because you are by far the stupidest of your peers on this site. You added absolutely nothing to the discussion and if you were attempting to be funny…you failed. If I were Bobby I would bar you from becoming involved in future discussions.

        • Metal Head says:

          No, rickyroll, if you were Bobby, you would do what Bobby does.

  5. theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

    Of course we don’t believe in all this.
    God is obviously a guy with white hair and a beard (isn’t there a holy razor of some sort?).
    He has a mouth, although he never speaks or breathes or eats.
    He has only 2 eyes, although he can see everything in all directions.
    He has feet and knees, although he never walks.
    He has an ass, just to sit on we suppose. “Holy shit!” is just a phrase.
    He has only two arms, although you’d think he’d be better off with multiple appendages, like a bunch of spaghetti (!?!)

  6. Brandy says:

    I asked myself after reading this “WWAPD?”. So I tapped into my inner pirate. What I found amongst the mumbling obscenities and slurred, yet violent empty threats, was that the urge to pillage his village is high. May his fridge be raided, and his garage emptied to then be placed in my own garage sale for profit. Arrrrrrgh!

    • tekhedd says:

      My inner pirate also recommends the “passive aggressive friendly drunk” approach. ie, something like “spill grog on him while making a vaguely dirty and not particularly joke in a slightly intimidating and quite inebriated manner about his bad attitude, then laugh loudly at your own joke (har har har style), slap him on the back (spilling yet more grog everywhere) and invite him to drink with you, if he’s not too good to have a drink with the rest of the crew.”. Or something.

  7. Dusty says:

    Good to see some babbling hate-mail. It’s been a while!

  8. ray says:

    HOLD THE PHONE. SPF is RIGHT. I have never actually SEEN the FSM being animate. Come to think of it I have never actually SEEN any gods at all. Not even Ganesh (My friend Echo set up an alter to him outside my garage for me to use. Ganesh is the Hindu deity who removes obstacles. As the story goes, he has the head of an elephant and rides a mouse as his steed…no kidding)
    Well, SPF, you have destroyed my whole spiritual house of cards. Why SPF, oh WHY did you throw me into such confusion? You must be a great spiritual teacher to tear down my beliefs in a single stroke. There must be more to your teachings. You WILL be building me back up with a new learning, no? Please. PLEASE fill us with your great wisdom, i beseech(sp?) you. I await you humbly as a shivering spiritless wretch, too depressed to wear my eyepatch. My parrot (his name is polly) is so upset he doesn’t want a cracker.

    Man, I picked the wrong week to quit smoking crack. I gotta go.

    • tekhedd says:

      What? I suppose he does have a point. I mean, if you didn’t read the open letter, and took the religion at face value, I suppose it could all look pretty silly…NO! I deny your evil manipulations!

      You talk as if this religion, the basis upon which I’ve built my entire adult life, is just a farce, a joke. You’re saying that the core of my being, the book up on which I make all moral decisions, and my choice of peers are lies, made up by a completely un-holy person for political reasons, and that my understanding of the prophet’s teachings is grossly misguided by embellishments, cherry picking, and a personal determination to ignoring the parts of the teachings that disagree with my personal feelings.

      That would be pretty lame, so I’m going to just ignore what you said. (Sorry about that. No disrespect meant, but obviously you’re wrong because, because I said so!)

      • tekhedd says:

        _is_ lies. _is_ lies. Darn those long sentences! I hang my head in grammatical shame.

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