Tides are proof of God

Published January 7th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

President of the American Atheist Group, David Silverman, went on the O’Reilly Factor to talk about the group’s “You KNOW they’re all SCAMS” billboard campaign.  Bill O’Reilly said it was insulting to religious people.  Silverman says it’s the truth and how can the truth be offensive. 


I will admit I laughed when I heard about the billboard.  I can imagine the response it will get in Alabama.  Anyone remember the Top Gear episode where they did a road trip through the south and wrote controversial slogans on each others cars?  Made me think of that.

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I will also admit I have a grudging respect for Bill O’Reilly – because as much of a pompous ass he is, and as often as he is wrong about so many things, I find him intellectually honest.  I believe he believes what he is saying, and you can’t say that about everyone.  [Edit – I got a lot of flack for that statement. Maybe deserved. But still I believe there is a difference between what he is doing and what Glenn Beck is doing. Both are asses but I believe O’Reilly sleeps well at night and doesn’t believe himself to be a fraud.]

But here is one of those things O’Reilly says that leaves you stunned.  There is proof of (presumably a personal Christian) God because of Tides:

O’REILLY: I’ll tell you why it’s not a scam: the tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that.

SILVERMAN: The tide goes in, tide goes out?

O’REILLY: The water, the tide comes in, it goes out, Mr. Silverman. It always comes in, it always goes out. You can’t explain that.

Here’s the video:

In response, friend of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, Mr. Stephen Colbert, had Astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson on The Colbert Report to give a scientific explanation for the tides:

As always, the problem with the false religion/science dichotomy leaves the masses ignorant of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s influence over everything.

76 Responses to “Tides are proof of God”

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  1. Stephan Ahonen says:

    I think Silverman missed a huge slam dunk opportunity. You could tell from the look on his face that he couldn’t believe that he was sitting across from an educated adult who didn’t know what caused tides, I don’t see why did didn’t seize that opportunity and exploit the fuck out of it. Perhaps it was the shock of realizing that he was sitting across from someone who had a major television show on a major network and whose opinions were accepted as gospel by millions of people who didn’t know how the fucking tides worked. That kind of thought can be pretty paralyzing. Anyone who goes on Glenn Beck’s show has to be prepared for a certain amount of stupidity, but maybe that kind of stupidity was something he simply couldn’t be prepared for… Nevertheless, a gigantic opportunity was lost here.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      …or edited out. Remember, this is faux news.

    • kayan says:

      I think Silverman made the right choice, in not explaining how the tides work.

      Once O’Reilly mentioned the tides, he lost all intellectual credibility. Continuing to debate would have had no purpose.

      Explaining something so basic, that everyone should know, would have just made Silverman sound condescending.

      Anyone who still valued O’Reilly’s side of the debate, after hearing him say that tides are unexplainable, are in all likelihood too stupid to be saved from their own ignorance.

      • rationalone says:

        R’Amen kayn! I am still laughing too hard to put my response in order. I know Why O’Reiley can’t explain the tides, or the sun going up and down with no miscommunication. He is unaware of the globe theory. That’s right he thinks the earth is flat, and is unaware of the fact that some objects are inanimate. This is what I call the ostrich syndrome without the sand. His head must be buried somewhere. I want to know how Silverman was able to maintain a quasi straight face! I think I would have just broken down in tears of laughter.

  2. TiltedHorizon says:

    Wow. That ranks high up there with Kirk Cameron’s assertion that bananas are proof of god.

    • Keith says:

      I took a look at the video of that, thinking all of the while that it must have been a piss take. Then, as I had no idea who he was I read the Wiki entry on the fellow. I still find it hard to believe that anyone could be so absurd.

  3. Lari says:

    What makes the moon do so is the will of The FSM, of course!
    But Silverman DID miss a great opportunity there…

    And Stephen Colbert was smart enough to show it and not let things get too serious about the point there’s no proof of god(s), he did a really good job, in my opinion, as part of his audience do believe in god(s).

  4. libhomo says:

    Actually, O’Reilly is one of the most notorious liars on Faux News.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      I love what Stewart once said about O’Reilly being the most honest reporter Fox had: “It’s kind of like saying you’re the skinniest kid in fat camp”.

  5. Muu says:

    Well, Colbert made a textbook example of how religions work. And he has a point about Silvermans beard…

    • Athen says:

      I think religions usually take the first idea they come up with and stick by it. They generally don’t change when new information shows up proving them wrong.

  6. Ohio Pirate says:

    I love the conversations between Colbert and Tyson throughout the years. As Time or Newsweek stated years ago, Colbert and Stewart are surely the new Twain.

  7. JamesL says:

    It’s the MOON, you fuckhead. THE FUCKING MOON! You didn’t know that? I’m fourteen, yet I (and most people that don’t watch Fox news) seem to know more about politics, apparently 3rd grade science, and also seem to have a better vocabulary. (I really don’t mean to gloat, he picks a word of the day on his show and constantly picks the same word. It’s often something simple (but not simple enough for Fox-watchers) that everyone knows like “loathe” or “monogamous”)

    Bill, I loathe you. I’m all for expression, but you are a selfish bigot who screams people off their show. I don’t know if you lie (how could you live with yourself if so) or if you honestly believe you’re right. Go away Bill, and take your fascist flag-waving, bible thumping posse with you.

    I’ve got a word of the day. Fuck you. Oops, that’s two. I guess we all can’t be perfect like you Billy.

    • MissingNo. says:

      I’m 14 too, lol (oooh pedophile alert XD), and I agree. THIRD GRADE SCIENCE. I would NOT be surprised to see this be on “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?”. I was sitting there, watching the whole thing, going, “WTF? Doesn’t the moon do that? Don’t we KNOW how the moon works by now? Who doesn’t know that?”
      Bill Nye the Science Guy outsmarts Bill O’Reilly any day of the week.

      • JamesL says:

        No, it’s Jeebus.

      • Keith says:

        He obviously never read “the How and Why Wonder Book of The Moon”. Page 12 talks about the Moon’s effect on the tides. primary school kids knew about this in 1963. How come this clown didn’t know about it? Perhaps in 1963 (when the book was published) he still hadn’t learned to read.

      • Athen says:

        I think Bill Nye outsmarts a lot of people. Although when you see his programs for high school students he actually starts teaching you his ideology along with the facts.

    • Ronster says:

      Actually the tides are caused by the moon and the sun. The moon exerts about 2/3 of the tidal pull and the sun the other third. I agree with your comments about O’Reilly though, he is a loudmouth idiot. I was in a tire store the other day and he was on their TV. I asked them to switch channels.

      • JamesL says:

        Yeah but I wanted to keep it short and sweet. On another note, I actually think Bill was baiting him because nobody could be that stupid.

    • Glenn says:

      If you are really 14 years old, you got it all figgerd out.

  8. brent says:

    It must be pretty easy to be intellectually honest if your mental capacity can’t take you any further than “tides go in; tides go out; no miscommunication.”

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