Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,


375 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. irby says:

    ok i must say i am a straight male of multiple descents, this is retarded you are diminishing the credibility of the true homosexual marriage movement by reducing it to the stupidity of your readers and posters

    • wulff says:

      Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please. We are stating for the world that we Pastafarians are in favor of gay marriage, and will welcome gay couples openly into our community, when most other religions will not. Should we join the major religions and declare it evil? Will that actually help things, or will the religious right turn around and say “See, even those pasta-worshipers are against it!” Most of the regulars on this site are of an intellectual bent, so how does a group of rational intelligent people reduce the credibility of the movement? It would seem that we would be preferable to a bunch of inbred mouth-breathers who can’t tell their asses from their elbows.

      Please provide evidence to back up your claim.

      • Mondo says:

        I have too been touched by the FSM, I guess not all of his appendages induce us to be gay. After seeing your sandwich there can be no doubt that you where blessed with a vision of the FSM and no one can question what you say about his will that gays should marry. However as a “Mouth-Breather” another misunderstood and often maligned minority. I can assure you that the FSM loves us too and I am sure he wouldnt approve of the inference that mouth-breathers are ignorant!

    • Cameron says:

      You are both a reader and a poster so she is only reducing the credibility of the movement to your level of stupidity.

      I found the photo of the grilled cheese sandwich incredibly convincing and it has cleared up any doubts I may have had that the Flying Spaghetti Monster (sauce be upon him) does indeed wish for gays to be married.

      If you’re not convinced by PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s (sauce be upon him) divine will then maybe Pastafarianism isn’t the right religion for you. Maybe you should join one of those made-up religions like Islam or Christianity.

      • Puma says:

        You’re awesome!

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      The Eight I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts can be summed up as – Don’t be an ass. Lighten up!

    • Katie says:

      This does not diminish the credibility of the gay marriage movement. This opens up another avenue for gay people to pursue the rights endowed unto them by their Creator ( may sauce be upon Him). The other unproven, unscientific religions have had no problem using visions and divinely inspired messages to prevent gay marriage, often with success. Why should my vision (which is backed by photographic evidence) be given any less credibility. Why should the movement be confined to secular arguments when clearly the FSM is on the side of gay rights?

    • Attila the Bun says:

      I always enjoy being called stupid by people who don’t understand the basics of punctuation or capitalization.

  2. monroe says:

    Yes, I agree.

  3. Robie says:

    As American Lawmakers place more store in the world of documented religious commentators (i.e. Leviticus) than basic respect for each other as human beings then they should now take this first hand documented proof as the great ones blessing.

    Since it being the right thing to do has never shifted them, perhaps a grilled cheese sandwich will!


    • Jestermoon says:

      hail to thee Ramen, I am newly converted to The faith, should I make and eat grilled cheese sandwiches or is pasta and meatballs the only way to get on the right path? help me see the light!

      • Rainbow Pasta says:

        Welcome Newly Boiled One!
        His Noodliness (sauce upon Him) does not dictate in which way you need worship His awesome-ness. You may do as you wish (as long as it doesn’t go against the “8 Rather You Didn’t”‘s) to show your love and appreciation for His Holiness. However, I believe he gives extra noodles to those who do things in His name in full pirate regelia.

        R’amen fellow Brother/Sister

  4. Nathan says:

    While I do agree that most of the mainstream religions, and denominations there-of, do not accept gay marriage, I feel that it is irresponsible to not mention that there are Christians that do accept it. Namely the Episcopal Church. While it is traditional and some what Catholic in nature, they have ordained openly gay and lesbian bishops and priests as well as performed gay marriages. By not mentioning this fact you lower yourselves to the level of mere propaganda to a mass that may not know all of the facts and you exploit it by not giving them the facts. You try to convince people that believing in any of the religions is stupidity and that the believers are idiots and naive. This is not really the case. Stop acting like Fox News and do extensive research on a subject before reporting what you call the facts.

    • wulff says:

      While there are people in every group that do not go along with the traditional views of the mainstream, the question becomes to what extent are they representative of the whole. If thirty percent of the x-tian denominations were in favor of gay marriage, your point would be well taken. If even ten percent of x-tians were in favor, that would be a decent enough sample to say “We don’t all feel this way.” According to Wikipedia, there are appr. 2.2 million Episcopalians worldwide, out of appr. 2.2 BILLION x-tians, meaning Episcopalians account for only .1%. This is a small enough representation to say that x-tianity as a group is against it. Your argument is the same as saying the claim that Jews don’t believe that Jesus was the messiah is untrue because a very small minority belongs to Jews for Jesus.

      This argument speaks to the institutions of religion, not necessarily the beliefs of the individuals involved.

      • Just Ducky says:

        Well said, Wulff. And I think that your statement could be compounded by saying that most certainly a significant percentage of Episcopalians aren’t in favor of gay marriage or ordaining gay priests, either. On the other hand, clearly alot of people are swayed in their opinions by the company that they keep, and I believe that a huge percentage of Christians, Jews, and Muslims wouldn’t be nearly so against gays if it weren’t beaten into them by their religious dogma or church brethren.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        In basic agreement with wulff and JDucky (not that w and JD need to care, LOL), I’d add that – other than the fractional representation being argued about – there is at least one more quantity of interest, and that is the rate of change of acceptance. I don’t know what that is, perhaps w or JD do? One can hope that – even if presently glacially slow – the good example of supportive Episcopalians and the embarrassing example of dug-in Episcopalians will help accelerate change. And, of course, it goes (almost) without saying that the militant, marinara-anointed might of the CotFSM should be at least equally formidable.

    • Katie says:

      This was a vision/miracle, not an opinion piece. I can only report the message that the FSM gave me. He didn’t say anything about the Christians that now accept gays to me. If you have an issue with that, you must take it up with Him. I am simply relaying what was commanded to me by the FSM. And He is not happy that gay people are denied the right to marry. So as a servant of the FSM I have to do his will or risk making Him mad. My message was not intended to be fair, well reasoned or researched. It was a Religious message after all! The requirements for fairness and responsibility are completely different!

  5. Puma says:

    I have always been for gay marriage, and it’s very reassuring to know that is what his Noodlie Goodness wants too.

    Pasta be his name.

  6. Messy Jeff says:

    Having just recently been touched by his noodliey appendage, I am sure that I have made the correct choice upon reading this post on gay marriage. The arguments are so logical that they even sound as though they may have been written by the great Anti-pasta Darwin himself. That’s what I love so much about this religion; it’s so beautifully confusing. It’s reassuring to finally find a religion that makes so much sense, and yet makes no sense at all. What other God can boil for my sins and for my dinner as well? Perfection on a plate. Thank you FSM. May your balls be brown and you pasta pale.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      It’s a common misconception that Darwin was anti-religion. In fact – in his early years – he considered becoming a minister. And after his discovery, he wrestled with his findings without publication for years, knowing the disdain and abuse he’d get from his fellow Christians, not to mention the alienation from his very religious wife.

      Darwin wasn’t anti-anything. He was a scientist who valued the truth above his ideology. Unlike charlatans who would brain-wash children rather than admit they may not know everything.

  7. Random Ntrygg says:

    I had a vision in which His Noodly-ness encouraged all American gays and lesbians to seek refugee status in Canada.

    Think about it – Canada is about 10% of the population of the US – so all the American gays and lesbians becoming Canadian would make this country the first to have a dominant gay population – and marriage is already legal here!

  8. Walter says:

    Katie, everything you say makes sense. You see, I am true believer. What I wonder is how your visions happen. I want to know just in case one occurs to me. Are you struck by static electricity from your pan, is it an inner voice, does a beer burp trigger it? Visions are cool!

    • Katie says:

      I was a vision in front of me. Flying in my kitchen. When He spoke He sounded like a drunken pirate. It was incredibly powerful!

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