Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,


375 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

  1. Will says:

    I effin’ love you people. This little queer is, without a doubt, more than happy to indulge the FSM’s command. :3 Now if only he could chuck some of his special sauce at lawmakers until the give in…

    May the meaty balls be with you!

    • Puma says:

      Ramen, my snappy dressing brother, Ramen!

  2. roger mason says:

    I have never felt so disgusted in the uk proposal of allowing homosexuals to marry in church, this realy is a sad for the uk, and tolal shame on all of us.

    • Gordon_UK says:

      Yer how dare they have human rights too!!!

      Roger go back to reading the daily mail

    • Keith says:

      So what if gays do get married in church? I don’t remember anything in the New Testament (which Christianity is allegedly based on) forbidding it

    • Pirate Dan says:

      It’s ironic, but the first time I witnessed a same sex “wedding” it was being held in a church. This was 30 years ago when I was in college and I was doing community theater during the summer. Our rehearsal space was in the basement of a church. One day as we were arriving for rehearsal, we stopped to watch a wedding (possibly a wedding rehearsal) taking place in the sanctuary upstairs. Now, this ceremony had absolutely NO legal standing and therefore they called in a “commitment ceremony” (which is why I used quote marks around wedding in the first sentence). But at a time when the state wasn’t recognizing same-sex relationships, at least one church was; and now that the state (or some states here in the US) is recognizing them, it’s the “religious” people up in arms about being forced to perform weddings they don’t approve of. Of course it’s only the “fundies” that have this problem.


    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      You’re saying it’s a shame to be married in a church? I totally agree.

    • Ronster says:

      Why are you disgusted? Have you been tied up and forced to observe a ceremony that you don’t agree with? Don’t worry, your building won’t be contaminated with communicable gay germs. Here’s an idea…let other people live their lives the way they need to as long as it does not hurt anyone or anything and does not affect you personally. I do believe that’s called tolerance.

      And by the way, learn to spell or at least proofread.

      • Keith says:

        I daresay this Roger Mason/Illuminati/Rothchild/Alien conspiracy character would assert that it DOES affect him personally as it upsets his gawd.

    • Puma says:

      Roger, although it is likely that your “desgustedness” does please the FSM by giving him some comedy to watch (I do hope you had a physical reaction too). If you read his most holy “eight I’d really rather you didn’ts” you would see that he want’s you to be good. Please come back to the starchy fold of his noodly appendages and be good.

      If you do you get to go to heaven! Beer volcano baby!!


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  7. Zuri says:

    Thank you for your post. I wholeheartedly agree. Gays are people too, and should have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness like everyone else.
    I am in a support group for lesbians at my school. I’m not gay, and I don’t belong there. One of my friends told me she was gay, and soon everyone was teasing her. (I eventually stopped being friends with her, but only because she was acting badly. It had nothing to do with her gayness.) I respect the other girls- choices, but admitting a straight child into that group isn’t good either. Boys have called me “gay”, “lesbo” and “dyke” since I joined. I have no quarrel with gays, but I really want out. I don’t even belong there, with those people. Someone told me tall those girls have sex with each other and I had to be “initiated”. We’re in grade 5 and as far as I know, nobody’s having sex yet, gay or otherwise. One girl told all the others, including one of my friends, to not hang out with me because I was attracted to them, which is obviously not true. One sick boy has even called me “Zuri Conklin”. Amanda Conklin is another member of the group. I wish people would wake the heck up and smell the coffee! Just because someone is forced into a gay group doesn’t make them gay! I hope The Noodly Arms touch them and they open thier narrow little eyes! My own father is even worried I’ll become gay because of them. Who is he kidding?
    Anyway, didn’t mean to chew your ears off. Well said.

    • Keith says:

      I don’t know the full extent of your circumstances but:
      1) If you don’t like being in the support group it would probably be a good idea to leave it. It’s your choice to make and you should think of your own happiness.
      2) If you are being harassed at school, I imagine there are procedures for putting in a complaint about being bullied. (Bullying is not confined to being physically beaten up)
      3) Re your father and his baseless fears, so what if you become gay? There are plenty of famous gays in history. It’s not a condition that stops people from contributing to society.
      4) I’d think that at that age noone would be certain of their sexuality (unless, of course, you are an anime character like Tomoyo Daidouji)

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Zuri, why do you feel “forced” to stay in the group? Leave if it makes you uncomfortable.

  8. Shawn hannidy says:


    • Keith says:

      Err! So are you someone important?

    • Rainbow Pasta says:

      . . . Am I supposed to care?

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