FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

  1. Willie says:

    Did no one mention Atlantis? After all, it would make a great place to house a bunch of irreverent new Earth creationists in a zoo like setting.

  2. gatortarian says:

    I’d like to volunteer to be a worker on the stripper factory production line.

    • Mr Cooper (all hail fsm) says:


      • smartyhardyhar says:

        this motion is moved – my great friends that you are! it’s a concensus if I’m reading my likes on this webpage./

  3. Impossibly Stupid says:

    I simply will not go without a Noodly Appendage Bungie Jump ride.

  4. Mr. A says:

    I’m really surprised no one has mentioned an attraction featuring the Kansas School Board. I’m imagining a thrill ride where park goers are pursued by the evil superintendent. Or, maybe a Disney-style haunted mansion, populated by board of ed members, with maybe some YEC mindless zombies thrown in? Any thoughts?

    • Wench Nikkiee says:

      How about as sideshow alley clowns with replica Meatballs to pop in their mouths?

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      go home KANSAS! put on your ruby slippers – this is an emerald city with Zombie Munchkins LIKE LIKE LIKE

      • smartyhardyhar says:

        we can have tornado noodles

  5. Victor Mendoza says:

    Just like the Creation Museum has an Intelligent Design display, the FSM themepark should have an EVILution display, talking about all the Evils of evil evilution, which is totally untrue despite its strong support from the scientific community.

  6. N Kalanaga says:

    Kentucky DOES have water. The entire northern border is the Ohio River, and the Tennessee, Cumberland, and parts of the Kentucky Rivers are navigable by commercial craft. Build the FSM Park along the Ohio between Cincinnati and Louisville and one could not only have pirate ship rides, but a public marina, as well as three major urban centers within easy driving distance.

    As for the midgets, fossils show that all of our evolutionary ancestors were, on average, shorter than H. sapiens, so would qualify as “midgets”. Naturally they had to be created first, so that we could evolve from them…

    I won’t argue the “Kentuckistan” nickname, though, especially for eastern Kentucky. This area is at least as clannish as any of the old World -stans, and has almost as many fundamentalists. Different religion, maybe, but they sound the same.

  7. Darwinfish says:

    How about a great big mountain, done up to look like an active volcano, with the pub at the top? All the beer and pasta you can eat. Service everything by narrow-gauge train, with a passage through the stripper factory. (Use the train to move pasta, beer, strippers, and people.)

  8. Keith says:

    1) An Aunt Sally stall where you get to knock over arguments supporting the teaching of ID.
    2) There would have to be an “Octopus” ride where the FSM whirls you around using his appendages.
    3) A freak show comprising religious cranks.
    4) A Kansas school board maze where you go around in circles.

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      kansas school board of pastornado’s raining meatbaaaallzzzzz

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