FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

  1. Cucumber says:

    water slides!

    • Keith says:

      Yes: water slides! Keep the images coming. With temperatures about to hit 104 farenheit this week I need more cool images!

      • Ryan Smith says:

        Why not BEER WATERSLIDES?
        That would be awesome

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          I used to spend a lot of time at a joint with a beer waterslide. Well, I say beer waterslide. We were always sliding around because of the beer on the floor, and were frequently lying in that beer. And it’s not awesome. You stink of Hell’s very own stale beer in the morning.

        • Satan says:

          Did someone call? Can I provide the cake?

      • Satan says:

        Google images of the Garden of Earthly Delights, for my vision of the FSM Theme Park. Of course, the beer-slide is though a central, giant FSM’s noodly appendages. One particular noodle could lead to Me and the tea-rooms for extra fun and cake.

        • Pep says:

          That is a FAB idea! I can’t wait to visit this place!!!!

  2. Me says:

    Male n female pirate strippers. there has to be an Arrrbys… photo studio where you can take pictures with the FSM, Holy beer fountains.

  3. Rev.Stu says:

    Great read everyone!. Note over half the counties in Ole’ Kentucky are dry, So we will obviously be in a different county.
    I love the idea of a great spinning FSM with chairs suspended from His noodly appendages (mundane versions of this ride are a crowd pleaser) If this ride were on high central ground it could be an inspiring central feature. Ship wrecks and pirate ships aplenty, arrgh. A swinging pirate ship ride. Stripper factory, midgets, staff dressed as pirates, ravioli bumper cars – hell yes! perhaps in the food court many pasta options. We can have an Arrrrby’s if you must but I prefer a great local barrr-b-que, make points with the locals. Water features will certainly be dominant, given the discussion thus far.
    At least a major section of the park would need to be adults only. I suggest we make the entire park adults only. We want to help the local economy so we should have a fine variety of whiskey and moonshine purveyors.
    We will have Dunk-a-Wench.
    An adults only park allows for clothing optional.
    Jesse’s idea of a shark invested moat is genius, we could have the world’s longest aquarium surrounding the entire park. If we put feature rides around the perimeter of the park we could have lines that were underground where folks would be able to look into the shark tank. Lines would remain out of the hot sun or the rain.

    • Satan says:

      What about Me running the BBQ?

    • Sister Fra Diavolo says:

      Yes! A “Drench A Wench” and “Soak A Bloke” dunk tank…and it’s filled with marinara sauce!

  4. Nate says:

    When you enter, He would be there (in a plastic recreation form) and you would be Touched by His Noodly Appendage. There would also be a jungle-gym-esq area for kids (made of his noodly blob part, of course) with noodly appendage slides. There would be an Olive Garden. Mountains. Beer. NICKY NOODLE (no association with Mickey Mouse) Hidden fish things (you’ll have to make a simpler version so it’s easier to hide, though) The entire thing would be in a massive man-made lake on a giant pirate ship (Ok, no, but there would be a pirate ship in a manmade lake) Midgets get in free. The rules would be based solely off of the I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts. There’d be that mountain that the pirate got the Ten I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts on before he dropped two of them.
    You now realize you have to actually carry through with this? Have you made a Kickstarter yet?

  5. Melissa Jones says:

    We should have the Stripper Factory restaurant with the holy “strippers” serving hot wings and beer from the Beer Volcano,

    • Keith says:

      Perhaps they should be serving hot thighs, breasts and weiners. (OK, sorry, it’s stinking hot in Adelaide and my mind is going).

      • Satan says:

        I’ll vote for anything HOT – except the beer.

        • Satan says:

          And I have the perfect sauce for those thighs and breasts.

  6. Hello says:

    I think the park should be 18+ only. I want this park to happen!

  7. Henry Adams says:

    I think that this should happen and we should have a giant gold shrine to the flying spaghetti monster and we should have people playing african stile drums around it with fire in the center. And there should be water ice

    • Keith says:

      Yeah! Hot. sweaty, firey Africans sounds like great fun! Oh, and the rest sounds fine.

  8. Rev. Rusty says:

    $1.99 All you can eat pasta bar. They get one plate of pasta. “For $1.99 that’s all you can eat!”

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