FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. Eric Whitfield says:

    The golden plates were put in place by the Flying Spaghetti Monster just to mess around with everybody. This is the same as all the other archeological artifacts that are found. The Flying Spaghetti Monster thought it would be funnier to put them in unreadable languages because He knew how mischievous humans were. He knew they wouldn’t be able to resist making up things because of the mysterious nature of ancient artifacts. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was curious to hear they outrageous story. I bet the Flying Spaghetti Monster was surprised though. He placed those golden plates in the ground on September 21, 1823. He never imagined they would be found so fast. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is so silly.

    • Keith says:

      If you are talking about the Mormons the FSM was probably drunk at the time: Didn’t fill in the holes, waved noodley appendages around shouting “Gold plates with inscriptions right here!” and even sent Joseph Smith a letter. The only brain work Smith had to do was read the barely discernable writing by the drunken FSM.

  2. Morgan says:

    What about an FSM “Spider” ride? Seats can be at the end of his noodly appendages, and His arms would obviously move up and down while orbiting the FSM’s meatbally head?

  3. Morgan says:

    Is this supposed to be a theme park or something akin to the Creation Museuem–lot’s of dinosaurs with saddles and admittedly cool exhibits that can easily brainwash young minds? Perhaps combining the blatant indoctrination of the Creation Museum (only less indoctrination-y, more “Here are our beliefs–enjoy them as you may-y”) with theme park elements such as food stands, a few rides, maybe a pasta-like obstacle coarse on a pirate ship for kids or something, free or low-cost eye-patches? A beer volcano that probably *shouldn’t* erupt real beer but an apple juice like alternative? Is the theme park idea still trying to be created in 2013?

  4. George Keiper says:

    We have to get grants and tax exemptions to build a life sized Pirate Ship

  5. James says:

    There should be a full-sized replica of the Pristine? Chapel (Or Pastal Cloncave) done in imported marble the High Renaissance Romanesque Style, in which the Masterpieces of FSM Sacred Art would be displayed. Such as The FSM Creates The First Homo-Sapian (by Michael Angelo, I think…?) on the ceiling, and the famous The Pasta Supper where everyone sits on the only one side of the table for some reason, flanking our Noodly Savior, (by Leonardo Da sombody…Code…?) I think this would really class the place up, and win over many extra Pastafarian Converts.

    • James says:

      * “Homo-Sapiens”?

    • James says:

      The Chapel could have many other big murals depicting some of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Awesome Moments in History…

      Outside, maybe a huge marble-paved piazza with a huge fountain and bronze statue of the Flying Spaghetti Monster surrounded by a semicircular arrangements of columns made of bunches-of-spaghetti motifs with Classical Ironic Capitals on them. Off that, an Olive Gardener Ristorante, and an elevated Monorail that goes through the upper part of the Chapel, to the parking lot, campground, of course the Pirate Ship, Beer Volcano, Creation Mountain Roller Coaster, and other attractions.

      If you want to go really BIG… Maybe a full-sized replica of the famous Roman Collossalleum for a Pro Sports Team (maybe the Pirates could be lured here…?), on which you could auction off the naming rights… Maybe a NASCAR race track around the whole park…

  6. Jack says:

    you are missing the strippers!

    • Tammy says:

      Midget Strippers

  7. Curtis Price says:

    I think the strippers must Republican male legislators. They could bare all as a ministry of Christian witness and patriotism, disrobing while reciting the First Amendment. I think I’d pony up for pay-for-view for that.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      I’ll bet the most popular will be the ones with the “wide stance”.

  8. Happy Noodle Boy says:

    This thread has been reawakened to bring you important news! His noodly appendage has reached out and created a miraculous opportunity!

    The perfect venue has become available!


    Let the fundraising begin!

    • Keith says:

      I couldn’t make out whether the statues in the last supper were merely “showing what they are made of” (ie. plaster) or just covered in pigeon poo. Well, If we do buy it there are a lot of changes to make.

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