FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

  1. Janus says:

    Don’t forget an edutainment ride on how global warming and pirates population are related!

    Then there’s the miracle of how His Noodly Appendages connect us all.

  2. tim says:

    The feasibility of building a functional beer volcano might be a little tricky — at least, without using any method that’ll spoil the beer — so I’d like to propose at least a pub or two within the park, and probably a healthy distribution of restrooms and/or vomit pits (it’s not a party until someone’s puked).

    There’s no reason not to monetize the crap out of the plan (anyone else would), so gift shops (I’m seeing black trifoils with names stitched onto the front in white thread, a’la Disney’s ear caps), maybe an Italian restaurant, a pirate prosthetics shop, that sort of thing, as well, would be a good idea.

    A museum dedicated to pirate history, brewing, etc., might be a good idea. Educating the youth is pretty key to sharing His Noodly Truth, and with subjects like that, it might be the first theme park museum in history to actually generate any excitement.

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      I’m here in this place at least 200 days/ YEAR heeelllllo

  3. don says:

    Will it be in Hazard County? If so, then all the females should wear “daisy dukes”, unless thier waist size is larger than thier hip size.

    • Ubi Dubium says:

      Oh no. My hip size is considerably larger than my waist size, but you would not want Daisy Dukes anywhere near me. Not a pretty picture, dear me no. Ladies should wear pirate garb, meaning of course, what they like the best out of whatever they’ve pillaged.

      • smartyhardyhar says:

        we got a daisy country in this place if I am not a missy daisy dukes myself saying so – hotrods HELLO muscle cars in my paradise, with my harzardy dukes yar hah har

  4. Pan Narrans says:

    How about a pirate ship hotel? With galley wenches?

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      wenches and hmm.. wrenches BWAHAHA wrenchy wenches Siissss haha

  5. Alex says:

    Stripper Factory. Gotta have the Stripper Factory.

  6. Cardinal Fang says:

    I think must haves should include
    – A large fully sailable pirate ship
    – An exhibition on the link between pirates and global warming
    – A grog shop
    – Pasta – lots of it. Making, eating etc
    – As pirates implies water, lots and lots of water slides, flumes, cannons etc so people can reconnect with their inner pirate. What would make this different from a normal water park is that this of course would be a religious rite not just for fun.

    I’ve always assumed that the midgets in our creation story were metaphorical, illustrating how small we are compared to the glory of His Noodliness

    On a slightly more serious note, some explanation of the relationship between FSM-ism and evolution, explaining the strengths of the Pastafarian world view compared to logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      we can laugh together AND CRY together if we are laughing so hard and are friends in this holla’day place

  7. Cardinal Fang says:

    And perhaps we should suggest that we share the space with the Ark Encounter. As the US Constitution clearly forbids promoting any one religion over others, obviously the Governor of Kentucky will no doubt welcome the chance to demonstrate on one site how enlightened he is by providing space for many different world views.

    Plus it would save on car parking space…

    • B. says:

      Actually, pastafarians don’t need parking since they arrive by pirate ship. So a harbor is needed.

      • Cheese says:

        The problem there is that it’s built in Kentuckistan, which still has no water, and the lack of members with boats, which, due to the economic situation, are harder to obtain. Anyone have any boatpooling ideas for those less fortunate?

    • smartyhardyhar says:

      money down Kentucky noOW

      • smartyhardyhar says:

        KFC money just every money this place is a big win!!

  8. Brian Fritzen says:

    How about a theme ride like Pirates of the Caribbean? Disney stole it from us anyway.

    A) Mr. Henderson’s Noodly Party.

    B) Noodle Swings

    C) A swinging pirateship.

    D) The stripper factory and jamboree.

    E) I think theme park food speaks for itself, quite obvious but we could add
    Meatball on a Stick, Fried Noodles, Spaghetti Tacos

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