FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. Jonas says:

    A stripper factory might make it harder to get approval for. However, you can have a dance institute (that in the end only teaches pole dancing).

    • Keith says:

      Just go with the stripper factory only use a euphemism so the pompous moralists won’t recognise it. Something like “Entertainment production plant”. Perhaps other people can think of others.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        I’d go with the College of Libido Arts, since all graduates, ahem, Libidologists would cater to both sexes and orientations.

    • JosefVStalin says:

      What if we made a strip club for adults only?

      Or, if that’s not close enough to the “factory” aspect, a strip club training facility? It’s a legitimate business, I don’t see why it wouldn’t get approval.

      • Stefanie! says:

        How about calling it like a “sports arena” or something since pole dancing is considered a sport?

  2. Ed Rhett says:

    The origin of allegedly intelligent life on Earth:
    Zachariah Sitchin claims that humans were genetically engineered by the Annunaki. Not so! What really happened was a Packlid ship (watch re runs of Star Treck the Next Generation to find out about Packlids) crashed on planet Earth in pre-historic times, and the survivors had sex with monkeys. The product of the contaminated monkey DNA became the dominant species on Earth (by the process of screwing things up for everybody, and then blaming others). Thus we have the modern species Homo Sapiens.
    If you want further proof that intelligent design could not possably have happened, have a talk with your supervisor.

  3. Kenpachirock says:

    Dinosaur rides, plays depicting the life of mosey, a center to recreate the creation of the world, the heavens, and the firmament.

    • Keith says:

      Do you mean Moseley, as in Henry Gwyn Jeffreys Moseley?

      • Danny says:

        I think he means the Captain Mosey, who freed the short order cooks and brought us the eight “I’d really rather you didn’ts.”

        • Keith says:

          Ah! OK. Theology is not one of my strong points.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        I’ve always admired Brits with three initials. P.M.S. Blackett was another outstanding example. Do we know anything about Captain Mosey’s given names? I’d believe something like H.J.U. (Horatio Jason Ulysses) Mosey would have to be right…Perhaps Danny knows.

        • Danny says:

          I don’t know if Mosey was even his real name, considering lots of pirates choose their own name when joining a crew. I plan on being “Captain Darkblade” when I can find the money to get ordained.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          @Danny – Why wait???? Once washed in the Sauce, you can bend on all sails! Arrrrr, Cap’n!

        • Captain Darkblade says:

          Then Cap’n Darkblade I be!
          May the Sauce be with you.

  4. Robster says:

    How about a really big tank of piranha fish? The deluded followers of the first century magic jew recon he was a fisherman, so there’s a tenuous link and you can have spaghetti marinara. An idea from an Australian follower.

  5. zephyre says:

    I want a place to make my own FSM toast.

  6. Dana R Laine says:

    Hands-on is good, but it should all be fun and simple and volunteer-based.

    So, how ’bout a water slide for a ride? It could be a series of slides coming from a center platform, modeled after His Noodliness, with pool noodles floating around below. Not nearly as expensive to build.

    And wtw, Piranha fish would look outstanding here.

  7. Phoenixliv says:

    This SCREAMS waterpark!

    • Joe t. says:

      agreed but come on i think we can get a little more than that i feel there is something more

      • Olio says:

        Like what, Viagara falls?

  8. Lisa H. says:

    My fellow believers, I think we are forgetting about our “Holidays”. I mean, seriously – who can forget Fridays, Halloween, Pastover, and all the others.

    • Reverend Captain Mal says:

      Who HAS forgotten them? And what does that have to do with a theme park?

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