FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. GAAAH! says:

    Maybe we could create a resort (in the shape of a giant pirate, of course) that would be located in or near the park. The resort would have an all-midget staff (just make sure we’re not in the US or we could be sued for discrimination) and a pool made of pasta sauce. Just an idea.

  2. Schuyler says:

    I’ve made up a rough drawing (somewhat based on the ArkEncounter…but better). It includes:
    -A gigantic man-made lake shaped like a Pirate Fish. It’s eye patch is an island where you can rent boats to row around the lake area. Around the perimeter of the lake is a ‘lazy river’ kind of ride.
    -Beyond the lake is a HUGE ASS pirate ship. In the bowels of this ship is a “Pirate Experience” ride which educates about Pastafarianism. On top there will be theatrical performances involving pirates and ninjas. The evening show will of course be the BEST show.
    -Along the back end of the park are the Creation Mountains where a roller coaster with loopity-loops will be located (whether it is shaped like noodly appendages or not will be debatable).
    -To the right of the entrance is THE FIRMAMENT which features The Creation Mountains, The Beer Volcano (ride) and Brewery (stage and grog), a Stripper Factory, FSM’s Ascent (one of those rides that goes up and shoots down etc.) and Midget Managerie (…with midgets…doing things…use your imagination).
    -Below the Firmament is an indoor area with temporary-for-lack-of-imagination-name “Laser Pistols” where people will be put into crews and have ships(bases) and must gain the most points (mmm sorta like Laser Tag…)
    -There should be an indoor restaurant shaped like and called “The Lighthouse” near the man-made lake dubbed “Pirate Fish Sea(?)”
    -Also near the lake should be an “Eye of the Storm” ride that spins around really fast and makes people dizzy
    -To the left of the entrance are a bunch of eateries/bars/merchandise stands divided based on international island locations (ie: Tahiti, Hawaii, Caribbean, etc.)
    -Beyond that, back near the PIRATE SHIP should be a sort of kid’s park with a kiddie roller coaster, playground shaped like a pirate ship for the hooligans to climp on and throw plastic balls at each other, and a FSM teetering around to take pictures with…this kiddie park being called…err… AHOY!…?

    THIS AND MORE. Eventually, I’ll just send the drawing. I will admit I can’t draw structures/rides so the pic will be somewhat amusing and not-as-cool-as-it-sounds looking.

    • Keith says:

      Sounds good, Schuyler.

    • Adam Hadash says:

      Awesome! Can’t wait to see it

    • Aki says:

      Great ideas, but one objection. The rides should be grouped in one place and the peaceful stuff in another, or else the rides disrupt the other stuff. Who wants to row a boat or have a nice dinner near a lighthouse when there are a bunch of teenagers screaming their lungs out right next to you? The paint on the rides also disrupt the mood, especially at night.

  3. ed says:


  4. MadMax says:

    perhaps a stripper factory gift shop and it should be located next to the beer volcano and the different bars should be located throughout the entire park (short distances apart between rides ect) so as to make it easier for us to drink and wench at the same time

    • Kakistos says:

      have one of those wax figurine making machine things in the gift shop so you can get a customised stripper.

  5. Eric says:

    Strippers, and …

  6. George Smith` says:

    I think it should have the rollercoaster rails as noodles.

  7. Mormzyboo says:


  8. Russ says:

    just a question for bobby- has this idea progressed at all? i’d still love to make my pilgrimage!

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