FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson


Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?

396 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. Duke Airanda Tension says:

    No trees?

    • Bobby Henderson says:

      trees, yes.. nature.

  2. B. says:

    Someone mentioned it in the comments for the Ark – the stripper factory.

    At least a “Behind the scenes – inside the stripper factory”- train ride.

    • Bobby Henderson says:

      One time we were at Disneyland inside the It’s a Small World attraction and the ride broke down and we were just sitting there, stuck, and the music kept playing and playing and those kids kept dancing and dancing. I don’t know how long it was but it was seriously creepy. Not that it’s not creepy if it’s unstuck. Anyway the stripper factory is a good idea. A+

      • Keith says:

        Was it like the episode of Red Dwarf with the Rimmer munchkin song?

        • Lioss says:

          “Arnold,Arnold Rimmer will”
          love this show!

        • UUniversal Love says:

          I salute you!
          Fuck, that is the funniest thing ever.

        • Mird says:

          Hell yes! I love Red Dwarf :3

    • Gordon_UK says:


      Would there be privet carriages?

      • B. says:

        Gordon – If there were, no one would complain if the ride got stuck.

        • B. says:

          I was assuming you meant “private” since my translator told me “privet” is some kind of plant and botanic stripper rides seems less appealing.

        • gordon_uk says:


        • B. says:

          No big deal, just slightly confusing, and amusing, for a non native speaker. I was afraid I had missed something in anglo culture regarding the connection between strippers and shrubberies.

        • gordon_uk says:

          Their bush maybe?

        • B. says:

          Sure, if you wanna play joke limbo.

        • Danimal says:

          Joke limbo sounds like an activity for the park

    • C says:

      I only dislike this for one reason:

      There are innocent children being molested in this world for the sexual appetites we are feeding. If there is a strip-club it’s gotta be mom’s and dad’s strip club so children can have respect to their innocenece until they consider being mums and dad’s for what groovy sex-beat we got in our world YOWZA!!

      • Brian says:

        Actually those crimes are due more to repression/suppression than permission

      • Meatballsyum says:

        well yeah, there would be an age restriction, and it would most likely be an after dark thing, like, the parents could leave their children at a noodle themed child care center, and go have fun.

  3. Alice says:

    Spaghetti taco stands?

    • LEE says:

      i’m there

  4. Bish says:

    Definitely missing strippers… An actual stripper factory would be good. Think about how much it would be helping to reduce the unemployment, and all those ladies you would be helping to gain new talents! ;)


    • Brian Fritzen says:

      I believe the stripper factory has male strippers, for women and homosexuals.

      • B. says:

        And female strippers for the female homosexuals, ofc.

        • Danimal says:

          Strippers with every kind of naughty parts for everyone’s enjoyment

        • B. says:

          Right. Family Theme Park, or people with multiple genitals? I vote no for that particular attraction.

        • Victor Mendoza says:

          Why don’t we just do away with the whole “family” thing. Not many theme parks have bars and strip clubs on site.

          Actually, i think ive only been to one theme park with a bar on site.

          Hey, we could do it in nevada. I mean, hell might as well put in some black jack while we are at it.

        • B. says:

          Viktor – Don’t underestimate the power of indoctrination from an early age. Corrupting the minds of the youth has always been the primary recruiting tool of religions.

        • Victor Mendoza says:

          Right but still. As a great metal man with a shiny ass once said “I’ll build my own theme park! With hookers and blackjack!”

        • C says:

          Allan Teiger Bodyscapes Bitches. If I’m a woman roaring.. YOWZAAAA

        • C says:

          Allan Teiger Bodyscapes Bitches. If I’m a woman roaring.. YOWZAAAA FOR CHILDREN AND EVERYBODY NAKED IN ooooour special strip club.

    • Brian says:

      MIDGET STRIPPERS!!! Y-esssss!!!

      • Marc Pot says:

        19″The Stripper factory?” cried Penelope. 20″Yes our Lord FSM created it for all those who would not be big jerks and go around telling people what to believe”. 21″Well that seems decent of FSM but tell me why are there only cute guys and the occasional redheaded woman? 22I’m trendy but not everyone else is”. 23″It is because you are here. 24As with the beer volcano, so it is with the stripper factory. 25YOU and your desires dictate the out-put…. 26Why last year we had on guy who stood where you are standing 27and SHEEP (shorn of course) emerged from the factory”.

        The Book of Penelope.

        We need sheeps :)

        • Eric Whitfield says:

          How can I purchase the Book of Penelope? Eric Whitfield northcarolinataxvote at hotmail dot com

  5. Pablo2m says:

    An academy to learn to speak pirate

  6. Speechless Gab Dork says:

    meatball stand

    • LEE says:


  7. Stophe says:

    A spaghetti altar, matey!

  8. Gordon_UK says:

    How about rather then a kids ball pit have a meat ball and spaghetti pit? Or is that a bit too wired?

    • B. says:

      Its a great idea for the tired parent.

      “Let your kid eat and play at the same time. No more telling your kids not to play with their food – just throw ’em in the pit and you can have your beer in peace!”

      • Kishi says:

        I just got the mental image of myself throwing one of my annoying younger relatives into the pit.

        “Get in the pit!”
        “But I don’t like -tomaaaatoes-…” *Whine*
        “Real pirates don’t snivel. Get in the pit!” *boot*

        • smartyhardyhar says:

          they make tomato sauce with wine – kidlets!!! for the whiny kidlets

    • Jos says:

      I think that’s cool.. but not just for Kids.. this should be off the side of the pirate ship, because then we can have people walk the plank…. into the pit!

    • Victor Mendoza says:

      We could just use brown and red coloured play balls, and then use those noddle spongy swimming things that they use at pools.

      It’ll be like a normal ball pit, but with pool noodles, or whatever they call em.

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