When you have 3.6 Billion adherents

Published November 27th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

When you have 3.6 Billion adherents to your faith, we can start talking about teaching your ideas in school. When you think you’re right or not the decision on whether or not to teach creationism in school should come from the majority and the fact is 82.3% of Americans are christian and therefore believe that the earth was created by God and only 11.6 are unaffiliated with a religion, of which only a fraction are atheist or agnostic. Take out the agnostics because if they’re really agnostic they won’t care what’s being taught in school, and we’re talking about a small number of really loud people that are trying to force their beliefs on the rest of the country. How messed up is that. I’m not going to force my beliefs on you. I think that’s why they did the whole separation of church and state thing, so that a certain belief system, Evolution included, would not be forced upon the population. So teach evolution, go ahead, I know for a fact that Brigham Young University and Brigham Young University Idaho, two christian schools teach evolution in their required classes, but if you’re going to teach one THEORY, and I emphasize theory not fact, then give credence to other theories that bare any social impact on our society. Like how about a theory that more than 50% of the world subscribes to? Anyway, peace be the journey, I give you credit for some funny stuff, like pirates and global warming, but don’t pretend to take nothing seriously if you actually do have very serious agenda.

All religions go through a phase of perceived fakeness. Funny you bring up BYU.  Mormonism got a lot of criticism for years because Joseph Smith used seer stones to find the location of their original scriptures and translate them from unknown languages.  Some might say that sounds like BS.  But with time and pressure it becomes a religion.  Not unlike the formation of rocks.  I am a scientist first, remember.

506 Responses to “When you have 3.6 Billion adherents”

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  1. JamesL says:

    Hey again fellow Pastafarians! I’m just making a random point here- no relevance whatsoever, but did anyone notice how most religious people pretend to be “charitable”, and upon analysis only donate to their causes of choice (which aren’t philanthropic in the least, usually)? My mom’s (finance manager/planner/etc) client has been toting that donating to her metachurch with a food court and ice rink actually helps people. She’s been jackhammering this inane bile into my skull for a couple days now, saying that she identifies with and likes me- when in reality she’s shown nothing but disdain and hatred for my views. She says such things like “I know he exists because he transformed me”, “your views don’t line up with reality”, and (after I destroyed her argument) “you care for people beneath you, those morals are due to a higher power creating you in his image”. When I told her that coyotes and elephants mourn their dead, she kept segueing to the Dead Sea scrolls predicting Jesus. I told her the scrolls outlined at least 12 “messiahs” and that they predicted Jesus would return, (which he has not) upon which she interrupted me and bluntly told me I was wrong. Anyway, I don’t know the exact origins of the universe, (scientific progress is to be made!) and I don’t see anyone thinking they do but the religious, otherwise they wouldn’t be stating their views as fact. Even if I did, I like playing a round of Starcraft on Sundays instead. I like this site, and I think I’ll stay here for the intelligent discussion and good company.

    RAmen from James L.

    • Atsap Revol says:

      HI JAMES,

      Welcome to our Pastafarian congregation. Unlike your Mom, we will not criticize your opinions. We welcome all, as long as they are civil, but we warn people that we will flame those who come here preaching Intelligent Design or the certainty that their religion is the only correct one.

      Grab a plate of spaghetti, matey, and make yourself comfortable here at the captain’s table.


      • JamesL says:

        Eh- twas my mom’s client, but my mom is a “Christian scientist” and believes in “energy everywhere”… Ugh… I told her that was called a pantheist. Also, that’s pretty vague- she just believes in “energy”. Almost as vague as Nostradamus predictions. Also, why do we say “RAmen” or “RA’men” with 2 capital letters? Is it to isolate the “amen” in “ramen” in clever pun-filled parody?

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Of course her god is real to her. Just as their gods were real to the Egyptians, the Aztecs, the Norse, the Romans, Greeks, Hindus, Hopi, Bantu, Druids….. But they were all wrong, and she’s right, because she has proof! Or not.

  2. KrateKraig says:

    Jordan, Those 3.6 Billion people worship, praise, admire and pray to a father that HAD HIS OWN SON KILLED.
    If you don’t think that is the most repulsive thing a father can do, what is?
    Some of us actually believe a parent that tortures and murders their own children is sick and evil.

    • Levin says:

      But those “3.6 Billion” believe in different things when it comes to detail. For Catholics and Anglicans God and Son are basically the same. Not to forget the holy ghost of course. I personally can’t see how the holy Trinity can be seen as sick and evil ;)

      • KrateKraig says:

        So if god and Jesus is the same person, that would make it suicide.
        That would make John 3:16 meaningless, which means Jesus didn’t die for anybody’s sins.
        Well, that’s a sect of Christianity I’ve never heard of.

        My point is, some people believe that a parent the has his own child killed is evil, repulsive and sickening.
        Some people think it’s a beautiful and wonderful thing, build churches, gather, give money, praise and pray to this father.
        I happen to think that is sick and evil.
        Apparently you don’t.
        That’s your choice.

  3. Ostap Bender says:

    Here we go again with the amount of believers argument. Hundreds of years ago many people believed that the Earth was flat and that the sun revolved around it. That didn’t make it true.

    • Gordon_UK says:

      You may want to read this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myth_of_the_Flat_Earth”

    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

      It would be interesting to know from where he/she gets the figures. As alluded to before in response to this post, there are many, many people who are no doubt counted as christians who are not. My birth certificate classes me as being ‘CofE’, and as you can probably guess, I most certainly am not and have not been since I was able to think critically and independantly from my parents and teachers. I suspect that many thousands of those 2 million christians, pretty much all of whom I suspect were labeled simply from an accident of birth (geographical location and/or parents beliefs) are no longer christians in the sense that religion has no influence or relevence to their lives or have actively taken an agnostic or atheistic stance or viewpoint. If there are as many devout christians as Jordan would have us believe, where do they worship? I see no hordes flocking to the churches where I live and have lived, churches admit that attendances are dire. I suspect the true numbers are much lower than the ‘official’ figures by many orders of magnitude. It is christianity’s ‘percieved’ strength and the loud voice of the vociferous few that keeps christianity the powerfull organisation that it is. The regulars to this site will often, I suspect, as I do feel a little isolated as a part of a minority group (in so far as atheists ‘group’). We are indeed (sadly) a minority but we are, or could be a powerful minority and as said elswhere on this site ‘we should start punching our weight’.

      Spread the word

      Sauce be with you all,

      The Reverend

      • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

        I live in the UK and was expressing my view of church attendances I they persist in the UK, I would imagine the situation is very different in north America.


      • Noodlity says:

        The given figures are actually directly in accordance with a zealot’s mindset. As long as it’s written *somewhere* , no matter how obviously falsified the information is, for zealots it’s as good as fact. It doesn’t need to hold any water in the real world, nor to have any demonstrability.

        “3.6 billion” is no different than “in god we trust”. It is a mantra, plain and simple. It has any strength only for as long as it is repeated, and even those who oppose it, rarely bother to do so vocally. Ironically, that’s all it takes to undo it. In the present, when fanaticism is no longer supported by force of arms, all that “faith” can be shattered with but a word.

  4. Sir Logan Oswalt II Esquire says:

    “but if you’re going to teach one THEORY, and I emphasize theory not fact”

    Everything in science is simply a theory that has not been proven wrong. Gravity is a theory that has yet had practical evidence placed against it. Evolution will only EVER be a theory. Like gravity. Yet you don’t bitch and moan about gravity being taught as near fact in schools. Why? Because your sky zombie papa doesn’t have an alternitave theory for why we stay on Earth. Fact can never be taught in science as no fact exists. The theory of evolution has large amounts of evidence proving it to be correct yet there is NO reliable rpoof that creationism is how the world came into being. The bible is NOT proof as it is a book not based on real world observations. I could create the theory that dragons exist and are alive today, but they’re just invisible and write an entire book on the subject but it would not be fact and would not be even be a theory as it’s not based on observation. Much the the bible. So please understand to concept of theory before you classify something as theory for derogative purposes.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      I believe that given enough time, Evolution will become a law. We have already observed macro-evolution, and have even CAUSED micro-evolution.

      • Karlton G. Kemerait says:

        Evolution will Never become a law, because a Theory and a Law are DIFFERENT THINGS. They are not rungs on a ladder of certainty. The term evolution as it exists, refers both to a law and a theory.

        Evolution (the law) simply states that “Inheritable changes in the gene pool of a population over time” happens, period. This is clearly demonstrable and cannot be contested.

        Evolution (the theory) – attempts to explain how that law can result in the various forms of life we encounter through mutations, gene flow, genetic drift and natural selection.

  5. JamesL says:

    It seems like the religious like to throw around the word theory. I’ll (try to) use clever metaphor here.

    They think of “theory” as “I think my spouse is cheating on me”, whereas it’s more like “I think my spouse is cheating on me because I saw them get intimate on my couch twice”.

  6. Fluke says:

    A while ago, I was strolling through the woods, when I found a golden ball on the ground. I reached down and grabbed it. The moment I touched it, I was suddenly enveloped by a white light. Then it went away. I didn’t understand, but later I found out that it was the day before. It was one day earlier. I had traveled one day back in time. Countless experiments proved this to be true.

    One day I saw Santa Claus appear near the golden ball, at exactly 10:22 in the morning. I was startled, but soon I realized that in 24 hours, 10:22 the next morning, I would see the original Santa fly down on his sleigh pulled by reindeer, and touch the ball. Ha. So simple. So I stood there. I watched Santa. I never took my eyes off him. He never moved. He just stood there all day and all night. Then morning rose. I waited. At exactly 10:22, Santa reached out and touched the golden ball, disappearing in a white light. I slowly came to the realization that Santa only came out of the ball in the first place because of this instance. He existed because he existed, no other reason.

    Another day, I saw Barack Obama come out of the golden ball. I thought, “Okay. Well, I guess 24 hours from now, he’ll just touch the ball again. He exists because he exists.” So I watched him, all day. He never moved. Then, 24 hours later exactly, a limousine pulled up, a bunch of bodyguards came out, and I heard Obama say, “No. I have to do this alone.” Then he walked up to the ball, and touched it. The bodyguards surrounded the other Obama, and went back into the limo. So this was the real Obama. He didn’t exist because he existed, he existed because his mother gave birth to him.

    A while later I saw Lebron James come out of the ball. Excited, I went to get his autograph. “Hey-” I started, but suddenly I realized that this might not be the real Lebron James. This guy could exist just because he exists. But then it hit me. I felt so stupid. There was a very simple way to figure it out. “What did you do yesterday?” I asked. “Well,” he answered, “I appeared here by this ball, talked to you, waited all day, and touched the ball again, like I do every day.” So he wasn’t the real Lebron James. Oh well.

    Often I would see things come out of the ball. I would only be able to know if they were from our universe if I asked them. There was no other way. And sometimes it was hard. Once the Chinese emperor came out, and it was hard to communicate because he only spoke Chinese. I had to use hand symbols and gestures. But I did it. Turns out, that guy had been coming back in time through that ball for a long time, and he was actually the future Chinese emperor. I learned a lot about him. He had come to prevent a tragedy. After chatting, he left to prevent it. Every day since I saw him come out and go back in. But if I didn’t ask them, I would never know if they were self-existent, or if they existed already, outside of this magic ball. Eventually I decided to leave this ball alone. I didn’t really care about it anymore.

    • Noodlity says:


    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:


    • Sven says:

      Wow! That’s amazing!
      But what does it mean?

    • Danimal says:

      Dear Fluke,
      You ow me 5 minutes of my life. I would like them back as soon as possible.

      • Fluke says:

        It’s a parable, my friend. If you want to know what it means, you can figure it out.

        • Gordon_UK says:

          Don’t touch strange balls?

          More likely don’t sniff supper glue!

        • Danimal says:

          I believe it means you’re batshit crazy.

        • Fluke says:

          I believe that means you’re denying that you might actually care about the meaning.

    • 12thDishIple says:

      when I first read the comment I read it as “A while ago, I was trolling through the woods, “

    • Noodlenut says:

      One day while strolling through the woods, I found a golden ball on the ground. So
      i picked it and ate it and had the exact same experience.

  7. Maurog says:

    Don’t we already have 3.6 billion or even thousand, of adherents?

  8. jerbz says:

    I first respond to Malcolm PF… This “http://i.imgur.com/uQKF1.jpg” is awesome.

    Now to Mr 81 % of US is christian…really? Do they all believe in Creationism, that the earth is like 7000 years old and that Plate tectonics is bullshit? Because if they do they are fucking retarded like you…

    Fuck you and your bogus facts…Merry Xmas douche

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