I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this is

Published April 19th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this letter is. Obviously, it’s satirical and some may think “clever,” but mockery is never wise.

I’ve never been able to understand why it is that those who call themselves “atheist,” “agnostic,” or whatever other label they wish can’t see that, in all reality, intelligent design (or rather a relationship with Christ) is the more intelligent route. If we (Christians) are wrong, then who cares? Nothing will happen to us because there is no after life, no higher power, no second death, but at least we lived a life worthy of something. We had something to look forward to, and hey, if it isn’t true then we’ll never know cause we’ll be DEAD. On the other hand, if Christians are right, those self-proclaimed atheists (etc) are pretty much screwed. What did you live for? Advancement of human life? By what? Living for yourself; living according to your own standards. In my opinion, your religion (yes, atheism is a religion) is selfish and irresponsible. The only reason you don’t want to admit that there may just be a higher power is because you don’t want to answer to it. You don’t want to have to change your lifestyle; to live according to HIS standards.

I’m so sorry that you feel this way. I pray for people like you each and every night. I pray that God will hit you over the head with some sense and knock you to your knees.

And FYI: Intelligent design has just as much (if not more) merit as the evolutionary theory. Evolution is a theory: it hasn’t been proven. There may seem to be evidence, but you may be forgetting one minor detail: care to explain how the first cell appeared? Where it all began? Good luck because, unfortunately for you, even if there isn’t “overwhelming evidence” that there is a God, we Christians will have lived a fuller life knowing and believing that we have been saved by the power of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We are loved far greater than we can comprehend. And guess what, so are you. God loves you, even if you don’t know that yet.


588 Responses to “I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this is”

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  1. Jimmi says:

    Really?….. Stop praying for the silliness on this web site Carly…. & tell
    the lord to make his way over to the middle east! Get your priorities straight!

  2. peter says:

    why do you guy feel the need to mock religion? most of you guy say you want world peace and all that jazz then you go mock religion? why? why cant you just respect everyone and what they want to believe?

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Not mockery. Satire. The reason it feels like mockery is because our mirror reflects the silliness of religion. The first thing that needs to happen in order to begin attaining world peace is get rid of religion because it causes problems… way more problems than it fixes. I will not respect that which damages and destroys civilizations and lives.

      On a different note, why can’t you just respect the English language and learn how to spell and capitalize? Why?!?

    • wulff says:

      Because, peter, the world will be a more peaceful place when people stop using religion as an excuse to be crappy to each other.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Why was “In God We Trust” stamped on U.S. currency? Why was “under God” inserted into its Pledge of Allegiance?” Why do the Brits play “God save the Queen”? These don’t respect me and what I believe. Can you really say Christians and Muslims would not mock or even hate me for not sharing their beliefs? And world peace would be a lot easier to achieve if there were no religions, Peter. A LOT easier.

  3. Just Me says:

    The question really is, would a god rather be lied about or ignored?

    We know the Bible contains untruths. We don’t know for certain which parts are untrue but it contradicts itself, so it contains untruths. Some of these untruths relate to the deity referred to as God.

    So, if an atheist ignores this “God” and a Christian follows a selected non-contradictory set of claims from the bible, which will be better off if it turns out that a different non-contradictory set of claims from the bible were the actual truth? Will this “God” punish the ignorant as badly as those who insulted and defamed him?

    Then of course we get into polytheism but that can wait, my noodles are done.

    • Cap'n Flint says:

      @ JUST ME

      Wow! You have posed some deep philosophical questions that we will refer to Big Guy for answers. Only he is capable of translating your contorted line of thought, because that’s how his mind works.

      By polytheism were you referring to examples, such as the Farting Chocolate Dude vs. Godzilla vs. The Tooth Fairy? I hope you gave thanks for the benevolence of our Lard and Master when you partook of the sacred Noodles.


      • Just Me says:

        How is it so contorted? Carly says that if Christianity is wrong then there is nothing and nothing matters while if Atheism is wrong then this God person will be angry.

        I am merely pointing out the possibility that Christianity being wrong does not mean that there is nothing, and so following Christianty doesn’t mean you’re either right or it doesn’t matter. According to the Bible, Judas hanged himself and at the same time walked into the middle of a field and exploded. If this God person particularly dislikes one of those versions then you’d be better off just ignoring the story of Judas overall rather than teaching the one which he particularly dislikes. The same can be true of the rest of it.

        Since they cannot both be true, surely accepting that you can’t say which, if either, is true would be less offensive to any gods that might be out there than repeatedly insisting it’s the wrong one.

        Polytheism is about how the invisible pink unicorn likes to play catch with his noodliness, even though he’s disadvantaged on sheer numbers of limbs.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Dang…. that was deep. Too bad you will not get any answers from Biggie, at least not an answer containing any of ‘his’ thought behind it.

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Congratulations… You have regurgitated Pascal’s Wager for the 1,023,987,823,987,984,001 time. See all other arguments on this website that have already refuted that. Thanks for playing. Try again when you actually have some semblance of proof instead of “what ifs” and asking questions that already imply that there is a god.

      • wulff says:

        I could be wrong here, but it seems to me just the opposite. Pascal’s wager always boils down to “it’s better to believe in case you’re wrong”, and Just Me seems to be saying “isn’t it better to not believe at all than to believe the wrong thing”. And if my interpretation of his statement is correct, I kind of agree with him.

        • Cap'n Flint says:

          I believe that Just Me is simply stating his belief that believing in a belief is a belief best avoided. Some believers will continue to believe in beliefs even when believing is believably biased in favor of belief. Having clarified Just Me’s belief, I believe that I will have a beer.

          Believably yours
          Cap’n Flint

        • wulff says:

          Reminds me of a memo I once read in the workplace:

          “The decision not to make a decision at this time is based on a decision that hasn’t been made yet.”

          I think I may join you.

        • Just Me says:

          I believe that Cap’n Flint is buying the beers. Mine’s a Guinness.

  4. Celina Deng says:

    Where did the first cell come from, you ask, Carly? Well it is clear that you do not know, and because you fear the humiliation of being ignorant of that information, along with the rest of the world, you made up a personal “God” who will be the answer to all your silly little problems. Obviously, we are all going to die in the end, and you may say that your life has been made worthy by believing in this so-called “God,” but that means nothing at the end of the day. A fuller life? You may perceive your life of deception as fuller, but all you are doing is hollowing out a place in your heart. Religion is for people who are ignorant, and fear the future. They find comfort in knowing that they will be “saved” by a “higher power.” All you are doing then is really degrading yourself and your faith in humanity. You fear ignorance, and out of that comes ignorant fear. Because you are so angered by this, you are showing defensiveness that comes from a little part of you that actually does believe in it. If you were so strongly believing in your Jesus Christ, then you should not care what others think. You want to prove that you do not believe in this by saying that it is blasphemous, but really, all you are doing is deluding yourself further into the illusion of this. “Pastafarianism is a true religion.” There is a bit of you that does believe in it, so no matter what, think of it like this, you have “swayed yourself from the ‘path’ of ‘God,'” so you’ll go to “Hell” anyways. Have a good life!

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Good points, Celina. Instead of actually doing something to improve man’s lot, the very religious console themselves with prayer, which only wastes their time but fools them into thinking they’re actually doing something and/or are better for it. They fear death and the lack of some grand purpose more than ignorance. As Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the truth”!

  5. BasilBarfly says:

    I have finally figured out the missing piece of the puzzle. About 200,000 years ago, the FSM was travelling through space, looking for planets that had life. They were specific planets, with a nitrogen.oxygen atmosphere, H2O, carbon based, the right distance from a solar body, and an ambiet temperature of around 30 degress celcius, give or take at the extremes. Now since these types of planets are very far and few between, they are a rarity and therefore, would be a good place to deposit his/her wisdom upon a suitable creature on that planet. Now, fish came first, but only dolphins and whales were intelligent enough to accept this gift, but they were sea inhabitants and did not possess the necessary biological equipment like an opposible thumb and the capacity to walk the lands. So he checked all of the land creatures and found of all of them, the Apes had the basic fundamentals. More so, Cro Magnum man was already there, making crude implements and communual villages. So, with a little DNA, gene splicing, bingo! Up came Homo Sapien, man. FSM put all the ingrediants into this new creature, and he made a few as he like the idea of multiple types of man. He gave this to all man to roam the earth and adapt to his environment, no matter how harsh. People in Africa were dark skinned to protect them from the blistering sunlight and the dangers of skin cancer. He made the northern people adapt to fair skin to reflect sunlight, but still retaining the ability to darken the skin if they were exposed to prolonged sunshine. He allowed the dark skinned people to have skin that was naturally a light brown skin, so those people who inhabited the equatorial regions around the earth could have the best of both types of skin. FSM saw what he had made and saw that it was good and on the seventh day, he dipped his glass into the beer volcano(only true dieties can do this) and sat down and admired his work. After that, he left in search of other planets to tamper with other DNA candidates on other distant worlds.

    Now that he has come back to see the fruits of his labour, what will he discover? Mankind destroying themselves, destroying the environment, polluting the water and air we breath and fighting over every religion that some sand dweller created while he was alone in some middle eastern desert with sheep, goats and camels, thousands of years ago.

    What wil the Almighty FSM think when he decides that this experiemtn has just gone out of control? Will he decide that only the true believers of his existence are worthy of being saved, or will he just hit the ‘reset’ button and wipe us out and start again?

    Only time will tell.


  6. Brad says:

    How can you compare Intelligent Design to Evolution…???

    I honestly want to know….

  7. Ty Seiser says:

    Outstanding article, you have illustrated a few wonderful details, I likewise believe this is a really superb website.

  8. Roam says:

    Evolution is based on scientific observations and critical thinking, whereas ID is based on scripture and pseudoscience.

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