It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;

What do you guys think – real or fake?

574 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

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  1. BigBoneDP from OZ says:

    Yo-ho-ho Chuck.

    I’m a musician and G-d is a chord progression, a progression that we Pastafarians might sing “RA-men” to at the end of one of our many odes to His Noodliness. And I’ve never heard of a chord progression, loving or not, that would send people to burn in hell.

    You speak of G-d fearing men. Now, J.S. Bach, who worked as an organist for the church, may have been one of the earliest worshippers of His Noodliness, as he did NOT fear G-d but in fact used this progression to finish a huge proportion of his musical works. His earlier compositions with his quill and ink were always interpreted as music but to my keen eye they look like meatballs with one spaghetti strand attached, evidence enough for me that Bach was trying to contact His Noodliness, albeit whilst His Noodliness was quite young. Or had just had a haircut.

    You also speak of an eternal soul. Is this a magic shoe that lasts forever and never needs repairing? I wish it were so.

    So Chucky, please don’t waste your time praying for my soul, when it wears out I simply buy a new one at the shoe shop, although I do always have to buy a pair. Your heart is just as ugly as mine, all red and white bits and doing it’s pumpy thing all day long so just relax a bit and remember that His Noodliness is indeed beautiful, especially with a glass of Australian Red Wine.

    (sung to the chord progression G-d)

  2. pinataheart says:

    Praise the Fly-ng Sp-gh-tt- M-nst-r!

    • Mira says:

      Would you like to buy a vowel?

      • Danimal says:


  3. Rob Jameson says:

    Why does this guy use the (albeit optional) Jewish practice of spelling God as “G-d” yet refers us to the heart of Jesus for redemption? Either he’s an ultra-orthodox Christian who takes “Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain” more seriously than the Pope, or he can’t work out which book he’s following.

  4. Gigglestick says:

    There’s nothing more lulzy than an guiltridden self-hating Catholic. Beautiful.

  5. scott johnson says:

    G-d…WOW…now that’s a man in serrious need of help…he fears his mythical creator so much his hands tremble in failure to type his name…..don’t you worry about us sunshine, well be A-OK…it’s you that we worry about…grab your helmet and crayons buddy, because were taking you to a padded room where you will no longer have to fear G-g.

    • Ryan Gonyon says:

      It’s obvious that God is Lord Voldemort.
      He Who Shall Not Be Named.
      Satan, is Harry Potter.
      It all makes sense now.

      • Rose says:

        really? cause i was thinking Gred….seriously keep reading this while saying ‘Gred’ MAJOR source of Amusement

  6. Kevin says:

    Quick comparison between Pastafarians and Christians:
    Pastafarians: We’re sitting here in our own website talking about our God, leaving everyone else alone and respecting their choices
    Christians: Hunting down a website like this and insulting and swearing at us and condemming us to Hell. We arent even swearing back at them or anything. We just take it, smile and go on with our business

    • English Andy says:

      For we are the truly peaceful and enlightened

  7. Bigslicka says:

    BTW , it’s god-fairing not god-fearing champ. I was never afraid of my imaginary friend, and you should not be afraid of yours.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      According to who, Bigslicka? In both Google and Bing when I typed in god-fairing I was directed to god-fearing.

      Which is why we have the Flying Spaghetti MONSTER.

  8. John Armstrong says:

    It seems like a fake because the “G-D” spelling of god is a jewish tradition, yet the author mentions Jesus. It could be some rare-breed crossed religion that combines the two. Jews for Jesus perhaps? Whatever it is, we know that His Noodleyness simply created it in order to test our faith. May His Noodley Appendage touch the writer of this email so that he may join us on that great pirate ship in the sky and be spared from the place where stale beer flows and the only sauce found there is from the massive sores produced from the STD’s.


    • Not so hairless Ape says:

      I dunno about that, Jaohn. I know a lot of Southern Baptists (and sadly was raised that way for a few years) that hold on to a ton of old testament stuff. Let’s keep the “righteous anger” part in their “god is love” lies.

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