It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;

What do you guys think – real or fake?

574 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

  1. Danimal says:

    Chuck, Chuck, bo buck…
    I’m gonna stick with the F.S.M. and you stick with your G.O.D. (Guy Offering Damnation) and we’ll see who is happier in the after life. You know, after we’re dead, and can no longer interact, cause we’re dead?

  2. Akheloios says:

    It’s a most carefully constructed Poe. The unecessary spelling mistakes that come from phonetic dissimilarities of accent. The use of – as the o, in an apparent attempt to molify the 2nd Commandment while being happy to use the name of Jesus. Showing a true commitment to the obliviously hypocritical thought processes of a true missionary mindset.

    It lacks the Fatwa envy of most missives however, and the imagery of watching you burn from a comfortable spot in Heaven is only hinted at. Both of which only add to the charm of the piece, too many Poes use the most graphic imagery they can to porrtray the slack jawed drooling rage of it’s supposed creator.

    I’d give it an 8, as it’s a refreshingly light touch, fizzy and refreshing to the palate, from what has become a somewhat stale genre.

  3. The Brickler says:

    Real, I think. Looks like another high and rightous twelve year old trying his best to intimidate us with his big vocab, while overlooking his spell check.

  4. Joaquin says:

    Looks fake… to much emphasis on the G-d thing

  5. tony says:

    It’s spelled g o d, god ok?

  6. don says:

    What is G-d?

  7. Darwinfish says:

    I always hope that these are fake… but my faith in humanity will only stretch so far.

    And what’s with the G-d? Is that god’s gangsta name or something?

  8. Son of the Ugly One says:

    I think it is fake! It would be hard to be that literate and to miss entirely the point of the site/religion. Though the misspellings would be a good indicater that it is legit. It certainly is low on intelectual content.

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