It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;

What do you guys think – real or fake?

574 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

  1. moby says:

    Looks real to me. I remember when I was little and the church had me scared to use the word “god” for fear of using it in vain. It looks like Chuck here has the same affliction.

    However, I assume that Chuck is unaware of the common abbreviation for the term “god damn.”

  2. Tesvoy says:

    Fake – and boring.

  3. edd says:

    It is an interesting message to categorize. On the one hand, we see the many spelling mistakes characterstic of fundie trolls, but on the other, they might very well be typos and common mistakes (i.e., enspire vs. inspire). Then again, ‘misleaden’ made me laugh.

    Then there is the common Jewish practice of referring to their supreme deity as ‘G-d’ alongside a plea to turn to Jesus. Chuck may be a Messianic Jew, however.

    I’m torn, but if I had to choose, I’d say he’s too polite for it to be fake.

    And don’t worry, Bobby, this poor pasta believer turned away from G-d long before I read your letter.

  4. Captain... what was it again? says:

    Why are you phobic of spelling dog backwards? Or do you just have an aversion to the hyphen? You talk a lot about fear, that’s why everyone is turning away from your g hyphen d. You know, ruling by fear is a common trait for a tyrant, dictator, or otherwise malevolent ruler. Doing this usually incorporates genocide, and when fear is exploited for power, it’s because the exploiter’s got nothing better to use. The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not need to scare you, for he is awesome.

    Now, I recommend you see a psychiatrist about that hyphen problem you’re having and think long and hard about the fundamentals of what you believe.

  5. Ham Nox says:

    I want to say it’s fake, judging from the sheer absurbdity of the arguments presented here, but it’s just so gosh darn hard to tell sometimes. How am I to be convinced that I should stop on account of a God and hell I don’t believe in? You can’t start out a serious, convincing argument with the validity of your position as a major axiom!

    In the words of a great fellow pastafarian, “Your god seriously over-estimates his ability to intimidate me.”

  6. Arash says:

    i’m sure there are people like that out there but i’ll go for fake on this one.

  7. PlagueChicken says:

    Real or Fake, it does not matter, for it is boring.

  8. Gnocci Man says:

    I’d say fake. The spelling errors seem intentional.

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