It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;

What do you guys think – real or fake?

574 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

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  1. V says:

    well, bobby, there are enough spelling and grammar errors to make it authentic. i didn’t detect much regret in this letter, although that’s not particularly surprising. the reference to the as-yet-unknown “G-d” is kinda puzzling. does he mean the christian god? if so, what’s with the missing letter? very strange. the contradictions, threats and insults add to its authenticity. and this part “He who gave this world to us and created us in his IMAGINE” [my emphasis] is quite a telling freudian slip. i’m not sure where he got the fear part from regarding the FSM – projection of his fear of his god, perhaps.

    but the most convincing part was his name: chuck. if he was faker, he’d name himself jebediah or josiah or something along biblical lines. but chuck? nah, he’s real. delusional, but real.

    yours in pasta,

  2. alopiasmag says:

    I think it’s fake. Only a brainwashed, psychotic, delusional religious fanatic would take time to write a post here to criticize you… wait… all religious believers are brainwashed, and many are psychotic and delusional.

    Maybe it’s real after all. Who knows.

  3. Didi says:

    Quote: “I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake.”

    hihi, hilarious! Like Bobby, or any of us will be laying awake for even a split second :p

  4. sauceman says:

    An obvious fake. Speaks of “his” loving G-d in one breath and the need for the almighty to instill fear in the next.

  5. Dave the Rave says:

    Hmm, A tricky one this. You would think that with the ludicrousness of the statement that it is indeed some kind of hoax as no one, not even proper bible thumpers really talk like that.

    But then again do they? There are some out there that believe is all and take it to heart!

    I will say this: That letter is as real as the FSM itself.

  6. JesusQuintana says:

    I say real. Not extreme/funny enough to be fake.
    Plus the way he spelled god (so as not to use it “in vain”).

    FEAR THE LOVE! lol

  7. Fett101 says:

    G-d? Gangster Disciples?

  8. StJason says:

    Lessie… decent grammar, No glaring misspellings. Coherant thought-structure. A severe underuse of capitalization. This can’t be by some fundy activist. Which of you did it? `Fess up.

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