Each and everyone of you

Published September 4th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU NEEDS TO KEEP YOUR DEROGATORY COMMENTS TO YOURSELVES.

DON’T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY LORD AND SAVIOR. SOME BELIEVE AND SOME DON’T, IT’S A CHOICE. JUST FOR THE RECORD WHAT IS STUPID IS WHEN YOU MAKE DEROGATORY COMMENTS ABOUT SOMEONE THAT HAVE SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOU. TAKING OUR SINS AND ETC UPON HIMSELF SO THAT WE CAN KNOW OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. YOU ALL SHOULD GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES RIGHT NOW; AND ASK JEHOVAH GOD FOR FORGIVENESS. WHAT IS STUPID THAT WHEN WE ALL GOT SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR; AND WE DON’T EVEN REALIZE IT UNTIL IT’S GONE.

DARLA



249 Responses to “Each and everyone of you”

  1. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    “SOME BELIEVE AND SOME DON’T, IT’S A CHOICE.”

    Except for those countries where atheism or rejecting or questioning the state religion is a capital offense.
    And let us not forget those who want to ram it down our children’s throats in schools, because after all, if you fail to brainwash impressionable children, you’ll NEVER get rational adults to buy into this clap trap.

    There are areas of American culture at least where it is a choice. You can go along or get grief.

    • Paul says:

      Listen Darla we hear your complaints. I have only one thing to say to you. Your god is stupid. Love you

      Love,
      Paul

  2. Barkingspyder says:

    OK Darla, I’m down on my knees. Please lord God Jehova forgive me for being so silly as to not believe that it is possible for someone to take my sins unto him or that I question things like where did Mrs. Cain come from? Why was it bad to eat from the fruit of the tree of knowledge? Is it that we were all supposed to be childlike and innocent and not have to anything productive? Just sit around in the garden and say thank you a lot? please forgive me for not being able to understand how it is you could be somewhere that it does not make sense to exist. Please forgive me for thinking rational thought is the way to solve problems and that faith is not a good thing. Forgive my unworthy self for thinking that …..well just forgive me for thinking cause that seems to be what pisses you off. I guess I also need to be forgiven for thinking it’s kind of petty for an all powerful being to get pissed off at the people he created for acting the way they were designed. Forgive me for wanting all humans to not be bothered by the fact that if there were one true you that you would have given some sort of incontrovertible sign that the entire human race could see and recognize as proof of your existence, instead of the thousands of variations on the theme of some sort of deity or deities, resulting in a world that has been fighting religious wars for thousand of years. Really forgive me for thinking that if you were in fact real that you’re kind of a dick. Come to think about it your behavior is very suspicious. How can you be all loving, all powerful and and all that other stuff and still be angry at us for your very questionable behavior? Why are you being such a putz? How about you fix some of the shit that goes on in YOUR NAME? Ooops. Sorry I guess I need some more forgiveness. Or else a couple blows to the head to make me less questioning and more faithful.

    • Barkingspyder says:

      I just remembered i also need to forgiven for not understanding how you (God Jehovah) can allow a whackjob preacher to go around to various funerals with his followers carrying signs that say God hates fags and not punish them for the world to see. Or is that you being all loving and all forgiving which if true means i don’t really need forgiveness at al since I am already forgiven. Phew, I thought I was in some real trouble there for a minute. Oh shit now I need forgiveness for thinking again.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        Let’s not forget the pedophile priests and those who cover up for them for financial reasons. Now THERE’s who should burn in hell.

  3. Libbith says:

    DEROGATORY COMMENTS you say? I do believe you are making them toward our religion. Just remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster did boil for your sins.

  4. Mike says:

    Darla:

    “EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU NEEDS TO KEEP YOUR DEROGATORY COMMENTS TO YOURSELVES.”

    Wrong. We have every right to say whatever we please. You don’t have to keep your whining to yourself, but you probably should. No one cares.

  5. Luke Grant says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Jehovah's_Witnesses
    That is a wikipedia page (which is fairly reliable considering that we are just debating on the internet) that shows every time jehovah’s witnesses have been wrong

    Pastafarianism has:
    never caused a war
    Had an ordained misister sexually abuse someone (to our knowlage)
    made 20 wrong predictions
    Etc.

    so at this point FSM is lookin pretty good compared to jehovah

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Luke Grant, Thanks for giving us the link to the Wikipedia pages about the failed predictions of the Jehovas Witnesses. It’s both interesting and funny. I’d finished this blog a few days ago when two Jehovas Witnessess rang my doorbell. For a moment I thought about engaging them in discussion and revealing the Truth of Our Boiled and Redeemed True Lord, but I thought, “Why the f*ck should I even try?” Hitler didn’t like the Jehova’s Witnesses either. I’m not being nice about Hitler so please don’t be hard on me, but the Jehovas Witnesses certainly know how to p*ss off a wide variety of people. While we’re at it, Hitler was a non-smoking non-drinking vegetarian. So he wouldn’t be any good as a Pastafarian.

  6. Richard says:

    I’ll have you know that the FSM sacrifices itself every day so we can eat…Don’t come here and talk about sacrifices!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Jesus didn’t die, he merely lost three days. Some sacrifice.
      Also, his father did it. Who would respect a dad who did that?
      Also, he didn’t ask me beforehand, which is manipulative sharp practice. Blood sacrifices are so primitive. Leave me out of it.
      The only thing we need saving from is fundie fuckwits.

      • Excelsior says:

        Dear Birdseye,
        Jesus didn’t die at all, he didn’t even lose three days, he went right to heaven. The Holey Bible says that. When Jesus was on the cross he made friends with one of the criminals being crucified with him. Here is their conversation in Luke:23 42-43;
        The criminal says: “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Then Jesus replies: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”
        So you see, Jesus didn’t go to the grave, he went directly to Heaven to welcome his new friend! All that hog-wash about lying in the tomb for 3 days is just a scam to con those sheep that want to believe!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Excelsior, I agree; he didn’t even lose one day. But, are there not three different accounts in the Wholly Babble, so one can pick and choose? I thought he first visited Hell, where he rescued Abraham et al.
          The Dead Sea Scrolls add yet another narative, where he survived, married and had children.

  7. Excelsior says:

    Dear Birdseye,
    Of course you realize that the Holey Babble is just a huge cherry orchard where thousands of religions/denominations/cults/scams/etc. go cherry-picking, including Jews, Christians, Muslims, Mormons, etc. You can find anything you want there, and if you aren’t satisfied, you can even put out a new “version” (planted with with the cherries that you like) of which there are dozens of already!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Excelsior, I think that much of this problem traces back to Paul, who plagiarised the dogma of the myriad other religions of those times, such as a god who dies and is resurrected, in an attempt to win converts to the new religion: there was something familiar for everyone.
      What I find extraordinary, are history-phobic fundies, who deny ambiguity and claim infallibility; hence, 50-thousand diverging denominations, rather than converging onto a common dogma.
      I’m surprised that, after the Inquisitions, the whole business didn’t collapse.

  8. Excelsior says:

    Dear Birdseye,
    The Bible is the wonderful invention of the Jews. They took many of the epics from the ancient pagan religions, such as Gilgamesh, and wove them together with some of their own inventions and the Bible was born. Many of the newer religions, like Christianity, Islam, LDS, etc. realized it would be much easier to just take over the Bible than to start from scratch! So voila! Although they all hate and persecute the Jews, they take over their Bible and their “God of Abraham”! At least half the population of the World pays homage to the Jews but most of them don’t realize it!

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Yes, Excelsior, Christian doctrine is remarkably similar to the Paganism it plagiarised. What I find bizarre is how some Christians think that Jews should have ‘upgraded’ to Christianity.

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        By that logic, Christians should have “upgraded” into Muslims, and they in turn into Mormons. The ultimate step in this sequence would be Pastafarians.

    • Keith says:

      Jesus (assuming he existed) was not interested in the Gentiles. His only interest was in preparing the Jews for the coming apocalypse.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        If Jesus’ knowledge of geography was as stated in the Bible, where climbing a mountain provided a view of the whole world, it suggests his purview was local: Jewish.

        • Excelsior says:

          Birdseye,
          According to the Holey Babble, everyone is a Jew. In the Great Flood, God wiped out the whole human race, leaving just 8 Jews to repopulate the whole World! Everyone, even Hitler, is a Jew!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          So, who in Noah’s family was African, Chinese and Aboriginal?

        • Keith says:

          This is from the History Series so I’m inclined to be careful about accepting it at face value:

          https://www.history.com/news/study-suggests-adolf-hitler-had-jewish-and-african-ancestors

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          I always marveled at this passage. It stands to reason if you could see everywhere from a mountaintop, that mountain should be seen from everywhere. What mountain is that? I can’t see ANY from where I live.

Leave a Reply