Coffee grounds sighting and Feminism vs. FSM

Published September 4th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

i like coffee

As an athiest and a feminist, I have had a lot of trouble with your Church’s vision of “heaven”. ..really, a stripper factory?!?! As a herteosexual woman, I don’t find this vision of heaven very appealing. And I really don’t like beer at all. I’m more of a red wine gal. I also have had problems with Pastafarianism since my doctor told me I have to cut back on carbs. I admit, giving up pasta has me really stresses out, so much so that while cleaning my kitchen up today, I dropped a coffee filter FULL of wet ground on the floor. As I started to clean it up, His Nooldy Goodness touched me and gave me this vision:

In Heaven, I can eat all the pasta I want and still have the body of a stripper! I can run my “self” through the Stripper Factory system over and over again, changing my appearance by pushing the “reset button” before I go into it. I will have infinite costumes, hair and make-up changes and I will feel strong and vibrant enough to pole dance (something I can’t do now since I’m almost 60.) “He” also whispered into my ear that the beer in heaven tastes the way one wants it to taste…so the Beer Volcano is magical in that the beer sometimes tastes like a chocolate milk shake – or – a really nice Cabernet. It really solves all my theological problems.

When the vision faded, I awoke on the kitchen floor thinking I had had a stroke, but then, I saw the splattered coffee grounds (see attachment) and knew I had truely been blessed by “Him”.

Alison in Sherman Oaks

46 Responses to “Coffee grounds sighting and Feminism vs. FSM”

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  1. Fluffy says:

    Wow–you’re right! Male strippers will of COURSE be there, why didn’t I think of that? And no duh the beer will taste like heaven; It’s heaven, after all. xD Oh silly me.

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