Have you ever read what you have written?

Published February 2nd, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Have you ever read what you have written? If you have, RE-read it. Your so-called scientific evidence of this “FSM” is that he secretly changes the outcome of scientists results of the age of the earth with his noodely appendage- where’s the evidence? We are supposed to go off your evidence with a simple, “he’s invisible, he can walk through walls, and he is there to change a scientist’s answers with his flying spaghetti monster super powers?”

Seriously, that’s right, I’m being SERIOUS, PIRATES?! Of course the number of pirates has gone down over the years, people evolve and the age changes. People can go the supermarket to get food instead of pillaging villages to steal their food and money. We have jobs now. There is no need for pirates. Saying that the reason the earth is heating is because the number of PIRATES has gone down is like a Christian saying that hell is filling with too many souls, which means that it’s getting hotter and over heating the earth. Nothing against Christians-, i am one, but it would sound ridiculous even for one to say that.

Re-read your evidence and see if you can find some legitimate information, instead of feeding empty lies to people. It is simple logic. Use the common sense you were born with. Back up your theories with substantial evidence! Do not just say something you invented off the top of your head. God made us in his image. Are we made to look like spaghetti? Think about it. Use LOGIC. It is as simple as that. Think. You do not have to be a genius to see stupidity when it is right in front of you. I just want you to think about it and see reason and logic. People make noodles and meatballs and spaghetti sauce out of flour and COWS and tomatoes. Who made the ingredients to make your god? I just encourage you to use common sense and think about the fact that you are worshipping a meal.


358 Responses to “Have you ever read what you have written?”

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  1. This dude says:

    “Re-read your evidence and see if you can find some legitimate information, instead of feeding empty lies to people. It is simple logic. Use the common sense you were born with. Back up your theories with substantial evidence!” Terribly hypocritical if you ask me.

  2. Danny says:

    I keep expecting her to come back and say SHE was being satirical. I have trouble believing that she can almost exactly point out our point and still not get it. She seemed so bright, too… Let me know if she actually did comment and tell me the page.

  3. Father Mario says:

    Please realize, Rebecca, that the FSM wishes that none should perish in ignorance! He wants you to see the logic behind Him changing science so that your faith can be tested! You have completely ignored the point of His Noodliness’ ways by not utilizing your logic!

    The fact that you do not respect the pirates is also disappointing. You have obviously fallen into the lie that pirates are bad! The modern pirates give no real representation of the Pastafarian pirates of old. Your common sense is the one that is flawed in this instance.

    The great, almighty FSM is not made of mere mortal ingredients! You’re trying to reduce something you cannot possibly comprehend into terms you understand in order to cope with the fact that you’re unable to break past your perceived ideas and preconceptions about the FSM. He made us into what he wants us to be, and you need to accept that. I will pray for your soul that will undoubtedly be condemned to an eternity of inadequate beer and strippers ripe with sexually transmitted diseases!

  4. Keith says:

    I don’t know if anyone has commented on this yet but why did Rebecca put cows in capital letters? Are there any Pastafarian trickcyclists out there who could shed light on the inner workings of a mind that shouts COWS? Is it perhaps some specialised syndrome?

    • Mal says:

      I would attribute it to either zealous hysteria or a lack of proper writing skills.

      Zealous hysteria is pretty self explanatory. See something that disagrees with your beliefs, get mad, “yell” stupid stuff at people on the Internet. Nothing new there.

      Lack of proper writing skills is something that is plaguing the people of the planet. In languages that have rules regarding grammar and such, there has been a sharp decline in proper adherence to those rules and a dramatic rise in the bastardization of writing principles. This seems especially evident among the “super religious” as is seen in Rebecca’s e-mail. I blame the conspicuous absence of FSM in schools.

      • Anonymous says:

        The most likely reason she emphasized cows is because if the fsm is made out of spaghetti, and spaghetti is made from cows, and supposedly fsm made cows, then how was fsm made before he made the cows?

  5. Noob says:

    And *this* is the whole point

  6. Mr. Cranklypants says:

    I *like* this Earthling. Not too bright but I like her spunk.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Oh, dear. Rebecca took too much of that opiate that Karl Marx talked about. Hopefully she’ll come off her high and realize that the ground is under her feet and not somewhere up in the sky.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Mr. Cranklypants, are you saying Rebecca is covered with spunk? Darn it, Sauceror’s borched mesom has been humping legs again.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Yeaaaah. It’s kind of embarrassing. You should see the other things they do in public. Even Ceiling Cat won’t go there.

  7. Rasputin says:

    Dear Sauceror, more about borched mesoms. The plot in the movie, “Dude Where’s My Car?” involves the hunt for a machine called the “continuum transfunctioner”. We’re told that it’s a mysterious and powerful device whose mystery is only exceeded by its power.
    The description would equally apply to a borched mesom.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      I once lived in a town where the junk-yards used geese instead of German Shepherds for guards. I think that borched mesoms might make an even better fit – and it might help the poor things, if they had a more meaningful social role, to feel less cranky and more happy and fulfilled.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Apprentice Frederic, the only time that borched mesoms are less cranky and more happy and fulfilled is right after they have eaten a fraudster — and that only lasts for about a minute. Borched mesoms were born with migraines, and they want everyone to know about it. But they do make good guards for junk yards because if they ever get hungry or upset (which is all the time), they can turn a junk yard into an empty lot overnight.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Heehee! Thanks for the clarification, Saucerer!

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear Rasputin, the movie, “Dude, Where’s My Car?” was a spin off from the original movie, “Hey Dude, Where The Faux Is My Borched Mesom?!!!”. It was a dramatic comedy which contained actual footage of borched mesoms. Unfortunately, the director tried to lend out loans of $900,000,000,000,000,000.02 USEUROS for .00001% interest, with the only qualifier being video footage made by Ceiling Cat of the lendee. The borched mesoms sniffed out that fraudster right away, and they ate him, along with all the cameras, the original directors cut, and the whole script. That’s too bad, because it was going to be the longest, most expensive, most popular, and grossest movie in history! They were going to make it into a series.

      • Rasputin says:


        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Rasputin, are you at all related to the Rasputin on rt.com regarding the baphomet statue in Detroit? Manichaeism and Zoroastrianism and such. Maybe a distant relative? I thought I recognized the genius of a pirate there, since it was about the only intelligent comment that didn’t include the phrase “your a booger”. I tried to leave a semi-intelligent response, but apparently rt is not accepting comments from saucerors at this time.

  8. Rae Russ says:

    I am at a… loss. A loss to say how appreciative I am to read Rebecca’s letter. If irony were indeed a toxin I’d be dead before completing this sentenc…….

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Rest In Pesto, Rae.

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