I’ve tried

Published November 11th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.

382 Responses to “I’ve tried”

  1. VoltAaarrrrgh says:

    “I am now convinced that children should not be subjected to the frightfulness of the Christian religion. … If the concept of a father who plots to have his own son put to death is presented to children as beautiful and as worthy of society’s admiration, what types of human behavior can be presented to them as reprehensible?”
    —Ruth Hurmence Green.

    Given a choice of spending eternity in heaven as a slave to someone that tortures and turns his own child into a zombie, and a heaven of beer volcanoes and stripper factories, well, that’s an easy choice, and I don’t even like beer. I’ll ask The Almighty to use His miraculous noodly appendage to make a root beer volcano for me. And he’ll do it, because he’s a lot nicer than your god.

  2. Lindy says:

    >I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
    >I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
    >I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
    >I’ve tried kindness.
    >I’ve tried condemning you.
    >I’ve tried offering you salvation.
    >My patience is expired with you all.

    You tried all those things? Man, and I didn’t even notice until now! I don’t think you’re very good at evangelizing. If I were you, I’d try a different hobby, like maybe surfing or something.

    >Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!

    Just like Yoda you talk.

    >All you do to me is mock me.

    Hehehe. Noticed that, did ya? Come on–you’ve got to know you’re just begging for it…

    >May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you, my friends.

    Sounds like John McCain with the “my friends” bit.
    By the way, I thought it was Jesus Christ, not Christ Jesus. So is it Mr. Jesus or Mr. Christ?

  3. StJason says:

    Wait, wait, wait….

    I was going to go on a long, pirate-themed tyrade not understanding that when he said “God”, he actually didn’t mean the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but I came across this line:

    “God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying.”

    …and it was so moronic, I had to stop.

    Christian: REALLY? God says that freedom, pleasure, and knowledge are lies? Care to site something there? Does this mean that God (and ergo, you) are against freedom, pleasure, and knowledge, as they are what are offered by heathens? Is that why you are so against freedom of thought and belief, and knowledge of how things actually work? That may explain a whole lot of things about you, matey.

    Good luck, Xtian, I hope we don’t keep you up at night. Meself, I’m going to partake in some worshop services: A nice bowl of Udon with a cold beer. Ah…

  4. Red Dutch Pasta Wench says:

    Bye, bye.

  5. anon says:


    Go home.

  6. auriel says:

    you tried giving evidence for God…

    unfurtenetly you faild, dont feel bad, no one have never manedg to do that.

    and i dont hate you’r god… hawe can i hate samthin i belive dose not exist??
    he havent done anythin to me… havent done anythin to any one cose he jast cant… he dose not exist!

    I love sex bat so do god… isnt it the biggest commandment in the bible?

    I find it arrogant to say if we do not belive in your god we automatically love wat,hate,mockery and death.
    you dont know me and i think i have the right to tell you to fuck off fore saying i love this things.

    i have to point out thet i like the bible.. it tells you so much abawt ancient time’s as long as you dont take it as fuct’s or history…
    it hase bine ritten by ppl… and that is what make it intresting.

    i am sory we havent been able to convince you, my one day his noodlnes will show you the way!

  7. Insightful Ape says:

    Christian, why, oh why, do you hate His Lordship the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
    We have tried to reason with you, we have tried to preach to you, we have warned you about STD infected strippers-nothing seems to work. What did His Noodliness do to you to make you reject His call to faith? What should he do to convince you he exists?
    Everything we love is in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but you hate them all: pasta, sauce, meatballs, even beer you hate. You are so blinded to the world around you, that you don’t have a clue of the warmth of the touch of His Noodliness. His Noodliness is love and hope in the purest form, and he sent us Bobby Henderson, but you respond by hating him. If only you open your heart The Truth will shine like a thousand suns.
    I am frustrated with you Christian. You seem to be a lost cause.
    PS: Patronizing trolls like you are always welcome. No time is a bad time for a few laughs.

  8. Mitch says:

    Why do (you) hate God so much?
    Numbers 31
    In this passage we see your loving God ordering genocide. But the foolish Israelites… so wayward in the their thinking, had the audacity to not kill the little children and the women, because as much as man holds the ability to temper his own wrath with humility and kindness, God does not indulge in such foolish weaknesses. So God orders their death, except for the women and female children who had not been deflowered. So every woman captive (upwards of a couple thousand) were publicly probed and humiliated to see if their hymens were intact. If they were not, well… execution. But that may not have been so bad considering the alternative; being divided amongst the booty and sold into slavery. Considering the condition of slavery and the position of women in the early centuries BC, death may have proved the superior fate. Those poor little innocent girls who watched the muders of their parents, brothers, and sisters, were sold into slavery for all the days of their lives. (10% might I add went to the Levites, the priests, for that was God’s portion of the booty [pun intended])

    All of this and more at the command of God. So forgive me if sometimes I happen to call God’s moral sense into question, I still have a soul (Not really, it’s fake, a metaphysical construct for the purpose of this post, but so is God. So I guess no harm, no foul… right?)

    “(W)hat did He do to you to make you doubt His existence(?)”

    Not so much as what (h)e has done, but that which (h)e hasn’t.

    Have a wonderful day and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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